Aloha Healing 12/17/2015

 

 

‘Ole Kû Lua
Makali’i 17

 I have been getting Healing Touch treatments at Stanford Cancer Center every Monday. A volunteer named Beth Orlando gives me an hour energetic healing that is very similar to reiki.

After almost every one of these sessions, I have had some pretty consistent bleeding.

     I have a feeling that these sessions are moving energy that is causing my body to reject the tumor which leads to bleeding.

     I am so grateful to Beth for her self-less service and for Stanford Cancer Center for offering an alternative treatment like Healing Touch for free. Beth tells me that Stanford has a whole training program for volunteers interested in healing touch.

     Great to see an allopathic, well-known medical center like Stanford implementing alternative treatments as a part of their healing protocol.

Diet

     I’ve been eating quite a bit of legumes and cooked vegetables lately since the weather has been so cold. Somehow a cold salad just doesn’t feel right when it is 40 degrees outside.

     One of my favorite meals is a copy-cat of the Chipotle salad complete with grilled red and green peppers and onions, guacamole, black beans, and honey vinaigrette.

    I’ve also been adding pomegranate to my morning vegetable juice. It adds a tangy sweetness and is supposedly good for breaking down tumors.

Exercise

     It has been harder and harder to get outside to do my Aloha movements since there is frost on the rooftops most mornings. I am sleeping longer, perhaps in a semi-hibernation mode.

Relationships

     I had an amazing men’s group where the other members helped me see how I’m still angry/sad about Thanksgiving. It boils down to being hurt that my family isn’t supporting me in ways I expected.

      At one point, I realized that most people aren’t well versed or practicing holding space for others. Our men’s group practices non-judgmental, empathic, compassionate listening every other week. To expect that from my family is asking a lot.

 

I am so grateful for the men’s group, Awakin Circles, Service Space, and this blog for all the empathy, compassion, connection, and love they [You all} generously offer.

Spirituality

Woke up the other morning and told 5 year old Fox that I had to go do my prayers.

“Why can’t I do the prayers with you,” asked Fox.

At first, I thought it was too cold to take him outside, but then I decided to just do the prayers indoors with him.

We stood in front of the Christmas tree and did the whole set of prayers in unison including Hawaiian chants, St. Francis prayer, Ho’oponopono prayers, and the Aloha chant.

It was adorable to watch Fox sing “Ua mau ke ea o ka ‘âina I ka pono” while bowing.

At Awakin Circle last night, Harshida Aunty shared that sometimes she feels she should go outside to be in the beauty of nature. Then she will look out a window and see a butterfly.

“Beauty is everywhere,” said Harshida with a smile.

It felt so refreshing and powerful to do prayers indoors with a 5 year old child.

________

At the same Awakin Circle, Birju shared how he spoke to an indigenous elder who was at the Paris Climate Change talks. The elder said that the only thing that is going to fix climate change is love. Modern man (I specify gender intentionally here) has lost touch with loving the land.

In Hawaii, they live “Aloha ‘Āina” which means love of the land. The indigenous elder reminds me of Auntie Pîlahi Pâkî standing in front of the 1970 governor’s conference saying, “…in the next millennium the world will turn to Hawai’i in its search for world peace because Hawai’i has the key…and that key is Aloha.”

I also thought about those Hawaiian protesters who are picketing the construction of the 10 meter telescope on Mauna Kea. They chant, “Ku Kia’i Mauna” which roughly translates to “stand guard of the mountain.”

A Native American elder once told me, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for everything.”

The message is clear. Start loving the earth, land, gia at all costs.

Kūkae (BM)

12/2 Wednesday

7:30 AM BS small BM

8:30 AM BS Large BM

3:30 PM BS small BM

5:45 PM BS

6:30 PM BS

12/3 Thursday

2 AM BS lots

7 AM BS lots BM med

9 AM Med BM Small BS

6 PM BS small BM

8 PM BS lots Med BM

10:40 PM BS

12/4 Friday
6:40 AM BS

8:30 AM BS Med BM

12 PM BS small BM

6 PM BS small BM

9 AM BS

10 AM BS

12/5 Saturday

6:30 AM Large BM little BS

8 AM Large BM

1 PM BS

3:30 pm bs

10 pm bs

12/6 Sunday

7 AM BS

9 AM XLRG BM Little BS

12 PM Small BM brown wet

2 PM tiny BS

8 PM little BS brown

9:30 PM Lots of BS

12/7 Monday

2 AM Lots BS

6:30 AM BS

7 AM BS

8:30 AM Med BM BS

11 AM Lrg BM

3 PM BS small BM after healing touch

7 PM lots of BS

8 PM BS

9 PM BS

11 PM Lots BS

12/8 Tuesday

3:30 AM BS

7 AM BS

8 AM BS med BM

8:40 AM Med BM

3:20 PM BS small BM

7:30 PM Lots of BS

10 PM BS

11 PM BS

12/9 Wednesday

3:30 AM BS

7 AM BS small BM

8:30 AM Lrg BM

3 PM tiny BS

7 PM BS

10:30 PM BS

11:30 PM BS

12/10 Thursday

7 AM BS med BM

9:30 AM Huge BM tiny BS

5 PM BS

7:30 PM BS

9:30 PM BS

12/11 Friday

2 AM BS

6 AM BS

7:30 AM BS

8:30 AM Large BM little B

12 PM Large BM

4 PM Large BM

7 PM BS

12/12 Saturday

3:30 AM BS

7 AM tiny BS

9 AM small BM tiny BS

11:30 AM Small BM little B

12/13 Sunday

12 AM BS

2:30 AM BS

7:30 AM BS

9:30 AM Large BM

1:30 PM small brown S

7:30 PM BS med BM

12/14 Monday

12 AM S+little B

5 AM S+little B

7 AM S+little B+XL BM

11:30 AM BS small BM

6 PM tiny S

7 PM BS small BM

9:30 PM BS small BM

12/15 Tuesday

1 AM BS

7 AM small BM

9 AM Large BM little B

4:30 PM Med BM BS

5 PM BS

7 PM BS

9 PM BS

11 PM BS

12/16 Wednesday

1:30 AM BS

6:30 AM BS small BM

9 AM BS

12 PM BS

5 PM  BS

6 PM BS

11 PM BS

1 AM BS

8 AM BS

8:30 AM BS med BM

9:30 AM Med BM

12 PM Med BM

Aloha Healing 11/1/2015

 ‘Ole Kû Kahi
‘Ikuwâ 1

I’ve added two new treatments to my protocol. I’m taking hemp seeds and cannabis oil, as well as incorporating Frankincense Oil. I eat the hemp seed and cannabis oil, while I put the Frankincense on my skin with a new lotion I made out of coconut oil, vitamin E, and Frankincense.

A friend asked me how I will know what treatment cured the cancer since I am doing so many. This got me thinking. I’m not really focused on curing anything. To use a common analogy, cancer is like a “check engine” warning light in a car. You don’t try to disconnect the light to fix the problem; instead you do a systemic overhaul.

Dr. Arun Sharma [whose services were gifted to me by two incredible friends whom I have never met, Nisha and Ragu] guided me towards this path when I first got diagnosed:  “Our approach is to improve your overall health to such an extent that no dis-ease remains there. Disease is just a diminution of health and it vanishes as you improve health. So all therapies which are oriented with a consideration of fighting cancer or curing cancer are not taken in our system.”

From this perspective, cancer is a gift in the same way a functioning warning light is a gift. They both give you some advance notice to fix some deep lying issues that could cause a total breakdown.

Here are some of the gifts cancer has already given me:

• Getting in touch with nature, ‘âina, ‘aumakua, kûpuna, and my body.
• Juicing raw vegetables every morning with a juicer gifted to me by a dear friend, Mitch McCoy
• coconut water gifted to me by the thoughtful Mehta family
• mangosteen juice gifted to me by Auntie Sandy Wong
• moringa oleifera gifted to me by my dear friend, Oliver Bock
• Protandim
• Kangen Water gifted to me by my loving cousin in Hawaii, Marie Imanaka
• Taking all the chemicals out of my life–water, processed foods, shampoo, toothpaste, lotion, soap, cell phones
• Taking all the refined sugar out of my diet–I knew this was something I needed to do, but I never thought I could do it. Within 2 weeks of the diagnosis, I was sugar-free. “Free at last, free at last…”
• Motivation to do morning prayers and movements on a regular basis.+ All the sunrises I have witnessed doing my prayers
• Powerful experiences in gift ecology. Watching all the different forms of capital manifest whenever and wherever I need them.
• The invitation to just love everything and everyone gifted by being in the presence of Jayeshbhai Patel
• Healing deep scars with my parents, my ancestors, my family, and myself.
• Embodying the first chakra, na’au, perineum, and ‘ôkole.
• Learning to live “faith and patience” on a daily basis
• Realizing the importance of ‘olu’olu (gentleness) with myself, my body, my sons, my loved ones, difficult others, and complete strangers.
• Barefoot hiking and all the lessons the land is teaching me from the feet up.

The amazing thing about all these gifts is that I will continue to practice/receive them regardless what the dis-ease does. A malignant tumor has gifted me a change of lifestyle, diet, perspective, and heart. I can honestly say that I am filled with gratitude for everything that cancer has given me.

Diet

Ate a lot of Chipotle salads lately since it was Halloween and I had to get food a number of times on the run. Otherwise, I’m really enjoying my raw foods diet.

Exercise

Went surfing with my cousins, Mitch and Mathew. I had one of the best sessions I’ve had in years. On one long wave, I felt like I was surfing as well as I did in the late 90s. What followed was a flood of thoughts around my identity as a surfer:

“I could be one of the best surfers out here if I started going on a regular basis.”

“That guy thinks he’s good, but he doesn’t know how to use his inside rail.”

When we got back to the car, we started talking to the father and son parked next to us. The father proceeded to go off on how he’d been surfing since the early 80s. He went on and on about board design and how he surfed the same board in 2 feet to 15 feet waves. At one point, he said, “You guys should check out a surf spot called 26th Avenue. It’s a great spot for you.”

Part of me wanted to tell him that I’d been surfing 26th Ave. since 1981, but I stayed quiet.

When we drove off, my cousin said, “He was a nice guy.” Although part of me wanted to question why he felt the need to assume a position of expertise when he clearly wasn’t  a very good surfer, I had to agree with Mitch–he was a nice guy.

Right before I met my cousins to drive over the hill to the beach, I had been listening to an Adyashanti cd where he talks about how he had been attached to his identity as a world-class cyclist. At one point, he got a 6 month debilitating illness that left him “weak as a puppy.” He felt relieved that he didn’t have to maintain the strenuous identity of a cyclist, but when he started getting his health back, he found himself “training” again, as if he were heading to the Olympics.

Life then sent Adyashanti another debilitating disease. I took this as a sign and started to give up all my attachments to my identity as a surfer. When I think about it, what lies at the core of needing to be seen as a good surfer or a world-class cyclist  is a forgetting of who we really are.

When I step into lôkahi (unity/unbrokenness), I don’t need to be anyone special or prove myself to others because we are all one. We are all the sinner and the saint. We are the Buddha and the CEO. Or as Jayeshbhai puts it, “I want to see everyone as myself. I want to see myself in everyone.”

Relationships

Had a great weekend with the boys. We are learning to accommodate each other on our needs. I felt like I was able to take care of what I needed to do while also allowing them to get their needs met. They even helped do chores around the house before I took them to Bass Pro Shops (my older son loves fishing) and the movies.

Spirituality

Did my prayers before I jumped in the ocean to go surfing. I also asked the ocean permission to enter and waited for a sign. A wave slammed the breakwall. It didn’t get me wet, but saltwater caressed my feet and pulled me toward the ocean. I took this as a sign and ran out as the sea receded. I then proceeded to catch three nice waves one right after another.

Everyday I experience the importance of including nature in my prayers and practices. Doing my prayers barefoot in the park is getting more challenging with the colder/wet weather, but I can’t imagine saying my prayers in the house anymore. We’ll see what happens when the El Nino storms start rolling in.

Kūkae (BM)

10/27

7:00 AM Sediment no blood

7:29 AM Small BM with blood and sediment

10/28

12:30 AM Blood and lots of sediment.

6:40 AM Blood and sediment. Small BM

7:28 AM Medium/Large BM little or no blood

8:30 AM Medium/Large BM no blood

6:30 PM Sediment

10:40 PM Blood and Sediment.brown in color

10/29

11:30 PM Blood and sediment

6:15 AM Blood and sediment with small BM

7:15 AM Blood and sediment with medium BM

1:30 PM Sediment Auburn in color

3:30 PM Small BM with blood and sediment

6 PM Small BM with blood and sediment

9 PM Blood and sediment auburn

10/30

6:30 AM Blood and sediment with dark small BM

8:40 AM Sediment and small BM

10:40 AM Tiny sediment auburn

7:40 PM Sediment with small BM

8:30 PM Blood and Sediment.with small BM

10/31

6:10 AM Blood and Sediment.

7:00 AM Blood and Sediment.with medium BM

5:30 PM Blood and sediment

8:20 PM Huge BM with blood and sediment

11/1

1:11 AM Large BM

6:30 AM Sediment auburn

9:30 AM small BM

3:30 PM Blood and sediment auburn

5 PM Blood and sediment

6 PM Blood and sediment

6:30 PM Blood and sediment

7:40 PM Blood and sediment

Aloha Healing 10/13/2015

 Hoaka
‘Ikuwâ 13

Took a blood test the other day and got the results back. My carcinoembryonic antigen (CEA) numbers have dropped from 1.8 to 1.5. My white blood cell numbers have risen back to normal, although my red blood cell numbers are low–understandable with all the anal bleeding.

When I asked my doctor about the numbers, he emailed, “CEA is not specific and usually not elevated in rectal cancer. You will be misled by following that number.” This kind of puzzles me because if CEA is “usually not elevated in rectal cancer” then why did he order the test? I had a special vial of blood extracted just to test CEA levels.

Another doctor emailed me and said, “CEA is a diagnostic/prognostic marker of significance. Testing for CEA levels is done routinely, and especially before and after treatment, such as surgery and chemotherapy.” Couldn’t we use CEA levels to monitor other treatments like mangosteen, protandim, raw foods, turtle soup, ho’oponopono, carrot juice, juicing, Aloha, and sunshine?

I’m not sure what to make of the test results, but I feel like the doctors aren’t sure what to make of them either. The difference is that the doctors ordered the test. What is the purpose of ordering a test that is “not specific and usually not elevated in rectal cancer”?

What these tests tells me is that the dis-ease is not spreading. My immune system is getting stronger as shown by the rising white blood cell count. The dropping level of CEA and the normal levels of Alkaline Phosphatase indicate that the liver has not been invaded.

The first doctor concluded, “As a physician, concerned about you, I have to refer you to oncology for the treatment for cancer. Other things do not help.” Other things besides oncology do not help. Interesting. Do I want to trust an opinion that does not believe that anything but oncology can heal the body?

This reminds me of a couple of sayings:

“When certainty comes in the door, curiosity goes out the window.”

“True ignorance is not not knowing something; it is not knowing that you don’t know something.”

I’m becoming more and more suspicious of allopathic medicine. To continue the used car salesman analogy, it is like asking about different cars on the lot and the salesman always bringing you back to the same car.

Diet

I told my qigong master that I couldn’t stomach the turtle soup, so he gave me some more herbs to add, so I tried the soup again. It has been giving me restless sleep and vivid dreams. Yesterday, I had pretty intense fatigue, and today, I haven’t had a bowel movement. I’m going to try the soup for one more night and see how it goes.

Exercise

Even with fatigue, I’m finding that doing morning prayers and movements. I also have been doing about 20 minutes of qigong walking. My qigong master wants me doing 2 hours per day, but I don’t think he realizes that I work and have kids.

Relationships

Feeling really good about relationships especially since I’ve been using the barefoot walking practice with everyone around me.

I also have been asking myself, “who do you become when things don’t go your way?” I try to be the same loving, accepting, and equanimous self when things don’t go my way.

Spirituality

Feeling very good about prayers and alignment with spirit.

Kūkae (BM)

I seem to be alternating between days of cleansing out my colon and smaller BM days that consist of blood and sediment.

10/9

12:30 AM blood with heavy sediment

2:30 AM blood with heavy sediment

8:30 AM sediment coagulated

12 PM sediment

10/10

6 AM blood sediment followed by large BM in shape and quanity

10 AM Huge BM little to no blood

11 AM residue small liquid BM no blood

5 PM blood sediment

6 PM blood sediment

10/11

6 AM Large blood sediment

8:20 Medium BM little to no blood

7 PM Blood and lots of sediment

10/13

11 AM Huge BM with little to no blood

6 PM blood and sediment

10/14

small blood and sediment throughout the day. No BM.

Aloha Healing 10/09/2015

 Lono
Māhoe Hope 9

I went on a walk with my dear friend Oliver Bock at Rancho San Antonio Open Space Preserve. In the parking lot, we decided to do our normal hike barefooted in order to get in touch with the ‘âina (land).

Oliver shared that he enjoyed an entire summer when he was a kid without wearing shoes (he also slept outdoors every night of that summer). What a “vacation” that must have been, although he said that he wasn’t allowed to go to a lot of places like movie theaters.

On the walk, I started getting jabbed by tons of tiny sharp rocks. Oliver said, “try to relax your feet as much as possible. Let them be soft in knowing that the rocks probably won’t pierce all the way through the skin.” This helped immensely.

What a wonderful metaphor for dealing with others. What if we just relaxed when people verbally attack us, knowing that they won’t pierce our sole/soul? I immediately put this into practice when we passed an older couple. The woman’s jaw dropped when she noticed that we weren’t wearing shoes. When I smiled and said hello, she wrinkled up her face without returning the salutation.

Normally, this type of judgement would chap my skin, but I just relaxed and let it poke for an instant, knowing that it couldn’t touch the love and interconnection at the seat of our soul. I could almost feel love for this woman. She was suffering in judgement–her face was contorted and she refused the friendliness of two open-hearted strangers.

Oliver and I plan to keep hiking barefoot. I plan to keep relaxing into rocky relationships with love.

At the end of the walk, Oliver washed my feet under a faucet. It was an endearing and memorable gesture. So grateful for the beautiful souls that have chosen to walk this path with me.

Diet

I’m going pretty raw, except for oatmeal. I’m also trying to sense into the natural urges in my body. For example, I had the urge/thought for figs. The only figs I could find at the farmer’s market were dried mission figs. Dried fruit is a no no on the cancer diet since it has so much concentrated sugar.

I decided to honor my craving and later found out that figs contain a cancer-fighting compound called psoralen. I eat these figs with fresh raw organic walnuts that also have been shown to decrease colon tumor growth. So maybe my body was trying to tell me something with this craving.

Exercise

Had a full day with morning prayers, exercises and hiking barefoot. I feel so much better when I do my full regimen of morning prayers and movements outdoors. I also did qigong walking.

Relationships

I’m finding it challenging when I have to deal with people who still see me as I was in the past. They don’t seem to see the me of the present. I know I have to let go of this feeling of injustice. So many of my friends see and love who I am now. It just stings when family members can’t or refuse to be present with me.

Spirituality

Clearing very subtle emotions and injuries. Learning to stay relaxed when being poked, knowing that my soul will always be intact.

Kūkae (BM)

The bleeding has come back, although it is a different form. Seems like my bloody BMs are more heavy, coagulated sediment rather than liquid blood.

I’m also aware that the moon is almost a new moon, so bleeding might reflect that.

Aloha Healing 10/7/2015

 Kâloa Pau
Māhoe Hope 7

I missed a few posts. I’ve decided that I will try to post everyday, but if I’m too tired, then I need to honor my body. Mâlama ko’u kino (Take care of my body)

Last few days have been really healing. I feel more energy and flow. I also continue to ground myself with the ‘âina (land).

Diet

Added Beta 1.3D Glucan to my protocol. My dear cousin-by-marriage-friend-by-divorce, Mitch McCoy sent me a link to Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center database of herbs and botanicals. Many of the treatments I am using are listed–mangosteen, milk thistle, turmeric, ashwagandha, green tea, and moringa.

On this website by one of the biggest cancer treatment hospitals in America, most of these alternative treatments say something like “lab and animal studies show that Moringa extracts have anticancer effects. Human data are lacking.” Many of the initial studies were done nearly 10 years ago, which leads me to the question, “why isn’t anyone testing these herbs and natural treatments on humans?”

My dear wife has been combing through clinical trials to try to find anything that is not drug related. There are a number of free clinical trials for rectal cancer, but they all involve chemo, radiation, or drugs.

So researchers are willing to try dangerous drugs on desperate or poor patients, yet they are not willing to do any clinical trials on natural herbs that have been proven to have no deleterious effects on the patient.

I’m not a conspiracy nut, but the obvious link between big Pharma, the FDA, and Allopathic medicine almost ensures that natural treatment gets ignored and drug therapy, that we have been using for decades with no decrease in cancer, gets all the attention and money.

As Robert Wright says, “Cancer is about power and money.” Cancer is big business. No one is going to fund a clinical trial that shows how carrot juice can cure cancer because Big Pharma can’t make money off carrots that can be bought at the grocery store for less than a dollar.

All this research gives me more confidence that these alternative, natural treatments work even though there are no clinical trials on humans.

Exercise

Been walking the boys and dog to school everyday. It feels good to share time and fresh air with the boys.

Relationships

I got a bit upset when I heard about members of my family calling me crazy for not doing chemo, radiation, and surgery. It is amazing how laypeople who know nothing about cancer are convinced that the best (and only) treatment for cancer is what conventional medicine “advertises” in the media.

One of my friends asked my cousin what I was doing to treat the cancer and she said, “Some crazy alternative stuff.” I haven’t talked to this cousin since I got my diagnosis. She doesn’t know what I am doing. I find it shocking how people judge my actions without even talking to me.

I know I have to let this go. People are going to judge, misunderstand, and gossip. What I”m going to make an intention to focus on is how my friend supported my decisions after talking to me for an hour. I also appreciate everyone who follows this blog, sends positive energy, gives constructive criticism, and unconditional love.

Spirituality

Learning to clear any conflict in my body, mind, and life.

Kūkae (BM)

Entering a new phase where I have large BMs in the morning with little or no blood. Very few BMs during the day. Then small blood and sediment BMs in the evening.

Overall, the bleeding has been noticeably less over the past few days.

Aloha Healing 10/5/2015

 Kâloa Kû Kahi
Māhoe Hope 5

Spent most of the day trying to track down soft-shell turtles. My qigong master swears by eating soft-shell turtles to reverse cancer and tumor growth.

After watching a man hack up a live soft-shelled turtle in San Francisco Chinatown, I was already queasy before I started cooking up the soup. Upon letting it boil for 3 hours, I realized that I didn’t wash the turtle before I dropped it in the pot. Part of me wants to trash the whole turtle and idea, but it cost me $67 and my qigong master would be disappointed, so I have it in the fridge. Not sure what I will do with it in the next few days. If anyone knows about the medicinal properties of soft-shelled turtle let me know.

Diet

A member of my men’s group informed me that vanilla extract contains alcohol, so the raw vegan chocolate sauce I made and ate the other night contained another cancer no no.

I’m finding that any deviation from the anti-cancer diet has immediate effects on my body. I ate a handful of dried veggie chips last night and felt bloated until the morning, although that might have been caused by the turtle soup on my stove.

Exercise

Did full prayers and movements in the morning followed by lots of walking in San Francisco. My energy levels get better everyday.

Relationships

Hung out with my older brother in San Francisco all day. We talked about our mom, our childhoods, and how we coped with abuse in different ways. Then I had men’s group in the evening where the same topics came up with a completely different set of individuals.

So much healing is unleashed when we try to understand and forgive our parents.

Spirituality

Still trying to be attentive to intuitive guidance and have the courage to follow it. I’m really struggling with this turtle soup dilemma.

Kūkae (BM)

Blood again today, but not as much.

Aloha Healing 10/2/2015

‘Ole Kû Kahi
Māhoe Hope 2

Boys got off early for parent conferences, so I hung out with them all day.

Diet

Made guacamole, salsa, and salad for lunch. Had endive leafs with raw marinara and hummus for dinner. Raw foods is becoming a habit. Today I’m dehydrating flax seed crackers.

Exercise

Did some qigong walking and morning prayers. I seem to have more energy nowadays. I still get sleepy in the afternoon, but it is not fatigue. I am able to run around, climb stairs, do exercises, and take care of boys without getting exhausted. I’m also sleeping better–full 8 hours.

Relationships

Trying to keep calm with difficult others. Trying to empathize with others–feel into their dis-ease. My dis-ease seems to have brought me more humility and compassion.

Spirituality

Really letting go of any need for future security. If I cannot afford some treatments, so be it. I will make do with what the Universe provides. If this leads to an early check out, so be it. Everything is a blessing.

Kūkae (BM)

ONLY 2 BMs yesterday and very little blood!!!

6:30 AM 1 piece of sediment with very little blood

7:20 AM Large BM (large in duration, not size) with little blood. This was a “hot” BM. I have been eating a lot of spicy food lately. Many of the raw recipes have jalapeno peppers in them. I’m also drinking Moringa every morning which is pretty spicy. I am sensing that spicy food kills parasites (which are associated with a weak immune system).

Alison can confirm, but I have traveled to many places where parasites and food poisoning are prevalent, and they all seem to eat spicy food. The locals can tolerate really spicy food, and rarely seem to get food poisoning or, I assume, parasites.

I’m a bit concerned that these hot BMs will irritate the rectal tumor, but I haven’t experienced that yet. In fact, the bleeding and BMs are slowing down. I’m sensing into the possibility that the tumor is no longer there or shrinking.

Aloha Healing 9/28/2015

Kulu
Māhoe Hope 28

Spent the day on the East Bay today. So many intersections. Here are a few highlights:

Motherly Love

First, I met with Sandy, a friend from Hawaii. A month ago, when Sandy heard about my diagnosis, she gifted me with $100 of Mangosteen juice. Today, I picked up a new supply from her.

We started talking about mothers and she shared a powerful story. One of her friends was a devoted mother. She did everything for her kids who are now in their twenties. In the last week, all three of her kids told her in their own way that she was not a good mother. She was shocked.

She told Sandy that she had not been loved as a child, so she made sure that her children knew that they were loved. Sandy observed that the love that she was giving to her children was the love that she never got. She was not loving her children how they wanted/needed to be loved, but instead how she wanted to be loved.

Equanimity

For lunch, I met with ServiceSpace friends at Cafe Gratitude. We were talking about 10 day meditation retreats, fears around money, and one of our dear friends who has Aplastic Anemia. One of the volunteers summed up the whole conversation with an insight about equanimity. She said that it is not about reaching a destination whether that be financial security, enlightenment, or a clean bill of health. Meditation helps us embrace whatever arises with equanimity. It’s not about changing outcomes; it is about changing our present moment reactions.

Moms Again

After lunch, I headed to my mom’s house. She and my step-father were busy planning a trip, so for the first half-hour I just sat on the couch while they ironed out the details. I wanted to talk to my mom alone, but she seemed to want to talk in front of my step-father. I asked her a few questions about when she was pregnant with me. She mentioned one story about my father that revealed a scarcity mentality. My mom said that one of the soldiers my father was in charge of had an expecting wife, but wanted to buy a set of encyclopedias. My father felt the need to explain to this soldier that he needed to save his money for diapers, baby food, etc.

While in Hawaii, my uncle told me that one thing my father told him before he died was that he was satisfied that he had provided enough financially for his sons in the event of his dying.

My father seemed really concerned with financial security. Interesting how this concern gets transferred onto me, especially now when I’m dealing with medical bills and a lack of a steady income.

I only got to talk to my mom for about 20 minutes, but I was grateful for that and left for dinner at my friend’s house.

Backing Into the Future

My friend Michael made some fresh organic vegetable juice, guacamole with cucumber slices, and baked brussels sprouts chips for dinner. After we chowed, he offered me a healing session with modern Tarot cards. He asked me to pick three cards: one each for the past, present, and future.

For the past I drew “Transformation,” which in the classic tarot card deck is the Death card. It talked about rebirth.

The present card was “Solitude” that stressed the need to spend time alone in meditation, prayer, and solace.

The future card was “Heartbreak and Loss” that emphasized the need to go through the darkest aspects of life to find the Light.

Michael read into these cards what I had been sensing for months now. First, my egoic mind would like these cards in the reverse order. In my mind, I have already been through heartbreak and loss with the loss of my career, broken relationships, and the diagnosis. In the present, I spend time in meditation and prayer which leads to a future full of transformation. What a great story!

The reverse order, however, paints a different picture. The future holds more shadow that I need to be aware of. Michael emphasized that the cancer was a very small part of my spiritual development. I had the idea that if I made peace in all my relationships that this cancer would cure itself. I was in a rush to heal all these relationships to try to get rid of the cancer as soon as possible.

I even had the thought that if I healed the cancer, I would be a well-known and sought after Jedi Master: “The circuit is now complete. Now I am the master.”

These cards humble me and make me realize that I have more cleaning/clearing to do. The solitude card reminds me to go slowly and take care of myself. The heartbreak & loss card keeps me looking for shadow and blind spots.

Like Michael says, without an agenda the true path becomes clear. I’ve been so focused on my agenda to heal the cancer that I’ve lost sight of the present moment. I’m like Sandy’s friend who raised her children with the agenda of healing her childhood. If I drop my agenda of getting rid of the tumor or becoming enlightened, then true guidance and spiritual growth will come. It all comes back to equanimity and being in agreement/alignment with whatever the present moment offers–not wishing ANYTHING to be different.

Diet

Great meal at Cafe Gratitude followed by nourishing juice made with love by Michael.

Exercise

Did morning prayers and exercises, although a shortened version, since I had an early appointment.

Relationships

What a day of relationships. Spent time with wise elders, ServiceSpace volunteers, my mother and step-father, and Michael Brabant–a powerful healer.

Spirituality

Learning to navigate with an agenda-less rudder.

Kūkae (BM)

I kept a log of kûkae today. I’m using this to monitor my health, not for blog readers. 🙂

7:30 AM blood followed by medium BM

8:30 AM Large BM with a little blood

11:00 AM Large BM with a little blood

7:00 PM lots of bloody sediment, although not a lot of blood

8:50 PM small sediment with very little blood

Every few days, I seem to clear out a lot of my colon in one day, followed by days with small BMs.

Aloha Healing 9/27/2015

Māhealani
Māhoe Hope 27

Today is the blood moon eclipse and the closest the moon gets to earth for another 30 years. I felt heavy like gravity today. Not much lightness and a lot of bleeding. I’m interested to see what tomorrow brings.

Diet

Raw foods and oatmeal. Then for dinner succumbed to Chipotle salad. The manager said that everything I was getting was vegan. Did two rounds of juice and drank ginger/honey tea. I also started cod liver oil again after preparing a urine sample for testing.

Exercise

Woke up early, but fatigued, to do urine test. Then went to park to do prayers and movements. Walked half way back from park doing qigong walk. All in all, it took over an hour to do morning exercises.

I noticed while doing a shaking exercise that it felt very similar to jumping on a trampoline yesterday. Ancient cultures seemed to sense into the need to simulate the lymph nodes and immune system with this bouncing movement. In our modern culture, we don’t dance or move as much. Even the hokey pokey would be powerful practice if performed everyday.

Relationships

Spent powerful time with Jett and Fox. Also, connected with my cousin, Scott. He has very different views about treatment, but he seemed to see my perspective without necessary agreeing with it. I’m noticing that I don’t have micro-arguments anymore. If someone disagrees, so be it. We are still in the same canoe.

Spirituality

Had some vivid dreams again this morning. Not sure what they mean, but they feel real. The word for dream in Hawaiian is moe’uhane which literally means “sleep spirit.” I’m sensing that my spirit is trying to tell me something, but not sure what it is. This dream had to do with the end of a retreat/summer camp. My son Jett was there. I was saying goodbye to other familiar ServiceSpace participants, feeling tenderly connected, yet sad. The Brazilian term, saudade–“the love that remains after someone is gone”–came to mind.

One of the core members of ServiceSpace has been dealing with Aplastic Anemia. I feel so connected with this friend since our diagnosis came within weeks of each other. He is also pushing off conventional treatment in favor of alternative medicine. I have a feeling that our healing is connected with each other and the ‘âina (the land/that which sustains us). Saying St. Francis prayer this morning, I got the distinct message that I am to love, console, heal others first. “It is in giving that we receive; in pardoning that we are pardoned; in dying that we are born into eternal life.”

Kūkae (BM)

I kept a log of kûkae today. I’m using this to monitor my health, not for blog readers. 🙂

6:30 AM blood and small BM

9 AM small BM w/little blood

11:55 AM med to small BM w/little blood

2 PM Just blood

5:15 PM Small bloody BM

Healing Cancer With Aloha

How ancient Hawaiian wisdom can help heal a modern epidemic.

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“No, No, No, you can’t refuse treatment; you have cancer,” the doctor was shaking his forefinger at me.

“I understand, but chemo, radiation, and surgery don’t feel right to me,” I explained.

The doctor shook his head and turned his palms toward the ceiling.

What this doctor didn’t understand is that I have always believed that there are many paths to healing. Refusing conventional Western medicine is not a death sentence in my eyes. In fact, it is one of the most healing things I can do for my body and my family.

I see this dis-ease as a message from my ancestors that I have some cleaning to do. What follows is my five prong approach to healing cancer with Hawaiian spirituality.

1. Wai

Wai means water in Hawaiian. Wai is sacred in Hawaii. Traveling thousands of miles across the Pacific ocean, Hawaiians knew that without water, survival was bleak. One of my friends told me about a colon cleanse that a Kahuna named Auntie Margret Machado used to host. The one thing my friend remembers is that “they had to drink choke (lots of) sea water.”

One theory about cancer claims that cancer grows due to dehydration, so I’m trying to flood my body with wai. I try to drink at least a gallon of spring water everyday. I also juice as much as possible, turning my meals into liquid.

2. Hâ

Hâ in Hawaiian means breath or more specifically “the breath of life.” Aloha means to be in the presence of “the breath of life” or the Divine. Using Aloha to heal from dis-ease involves breathing deeply into the Divine. I do a number of deep breathing practices from meditation to swimming.

Research shows that cancer is anaerobic and can’t survive in oxygen rich environments. Oxygenating one’s blood with deep breathing helps the body fight the cancer.

My friend’s father, who was an MD, was diagnosed with terminal cancer in the 1970s. Rather than do chemo and radiation, he chose to strap on a scuba tank and dive 20 feet under water off the coast of Hawaii. He would sit under the water for 20 minutes breathing the oxygen rich mixture. His cancer went into remission much to the amazement of the doctors at the time.

Unfortunately, I’m not a certified scuba diver, so I’m taking a supplement called Apex that uses nano-silver particles to oxygenate the blood.

3. Ho`oponopono

Most people who’ve heard of ho`oponopono are familiar with “Self-I-dentity” ho`oponopono popularized by Joe Vitale. Although I continue to clear my subconscious by repeating “I love you; thank you; thank you” over and over, I’m using a more traditional form of ho`oponopono to heal this dis-ease in my body.

In Hawaiian healing, they don’t just ask where it hurts and what you ate; they ask who you were with and what you said. In ancient times, a family would sit down and ho`oponopono a ma`i (sickness). facilitated by a kahuna (medicine man) or kupuna (elder). Unfortunately, there are not too many kahuna around, so I’m gathering my family members to have a healing session to clear any negative energy that might be lingering between us.

One of the greatest gifts of this diagnosis is that my family, who would never agree to sitting in a circle to talk about emotions, have consented to participate if it will help heal the tumor in my guts.

4. `Olu`Olu

I’ve always taken my body for granted. Actually, I’ve been pretty abusive to my body. When I used to surf, I would pull into waves that I knew I had no chance of making. It stroked my ego, but it thrashed my skin, limbs, and bones.

Even as a meditator, I would force myself to sit through excruciating pain in order to maintain the semblance of equanimity. This disease has made me realize that my body is my temple, so I’m taking care of it like it is a child. In Hawaiian, the term `olu`olu means to be gentle. If I am to heal this dis-ease, I need to be gentle with my na`au (guts) where the tumor is. I’ve cut all sugar, meat, bread, alcohol, and dairy from my diet. I nurture my intestines with fresh fruits and vegetables, freshly squeezed juices, and lots of water.

I also spend time each day rubbing my belly and telling it that I love it. My approach to the tumor is to kill it with kindness, not to poison it or cut it out. I feel that if I can heal in this manner, then I am getting to the source of the dis-ease and not just curing the symptoms.

5.`Âina

During meditation, I realized that my body is simply reflecting the state of the `âina (land). If you think about it, our planet has colorectal cancer–there is too much unprocessed waste that is poisoning the whole. A Chinese medicine doctor told me that this condition I’ve been diagnosed with comes from too much heat in the body. The earth also has too much heat that we call global warming.

The Hawaii state motto is “Ua mau ke ea o ka `aina i ka pono,” which translates to “the life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness.” I see this dis-ease as a challenge for me to be pono (righteous) in order to save the land and my body.

Pono doesn’t really have the religious connotations of righteousness. I translate pono as being in alignment with the Divine. Lately, I’ve been actively trying to get in line with nature. I walk barefoot on the ‘âina, hug trees, swim in the ocean, and try to get as much sunshine without wearing sunscreen as possible.

I don’t know what all these practices will do to the tumor inside of me, but I do know that they have already brought me in alignment with my ancestors, my family, my friends, my sons, and the Divine. In a way, this diagnosis has been the greatest gift I have ever received.

Photo: flickr.com/brian talbot