Aloha Healing 12/17/2015

 

 

‘Ole Kû Lua
Makali’i 17

 I have been getting Healing Touch treatments at Stanford Cancer Center every Monday. A volunteer named Beth Orlando gives me an hour energetic healing that is very similar to reiki.
After almost every one of these sessions, I have had some pretty consistent bleeding.
     I have a feeling that these sessions are moving energy that is causing my body to reject the tumor which leads to bleeding.
     I am so grateful to Beth for her self-less service and for Stanford Cancer Center for offering an alternative treatment like Healing Touch for free. Beth tells me that Stanford has a whole training program for volunteers interested in healing touch.
     Great to see an allopathic, well-known medical center like Stanford implementing alternative treatments as a part of their healing protocol.
Diet
     I’ve been eating quite a bit of legumes and cooked vegetables lately since the weather has been so cold. Somehow a cold salad just doesn’t feel right when it is 40 degrees outside.
     One of my favorite meals is a copy-cat of the Chipotle salad complete with grilled red and green peppers and onions, guacamole, black beans, and honey vinaigrette.
    I’ve also been adding pomegranate to my morning vegetable juice. It adds a tangy sweetness and is supposedly good for breaking down tumors.
Exercise
     It has been harder and harder to get outside to do my Aloha movements since there is frost on the rooftops most mornings. I am sleeping longer, perhaps in a semi-hibernation mode.
Relationships
     I had an amazing men’s group where the other members helped me see how I’m still angry/sad about Thanksgiving. It boils down to being hurt that my family isn’t supporting me in ways I expected.
      At one point, I realized that most people aren’t well versed or practicing holding space for others. Our men’s group practices non-judgmental, empathic, compassionate listening every other week. To expect that from my family is asking a lot.

 

I am so grateful for the men’s group, Awakin Circles, Service Space, and this blog for all the empathy, compassion, connection, and love they [You all} generously offer.

Spirituality

IMG_1766Woke up the other morning and told 5 year old Fox that I had to go do my prayers.

“Why can’t I do the prayers with you,” asked Fox.

At first, I thought it was too cold to take him outside, but then I decided to just do the prayers indoors with him.

We stood in front of the Christmas tree and did the whole set of prayers in unison including Hawaiian chants, St. Francis prayer, Ho’oponopono prayers, and the Aloha chant.

It was adorable to watch Fox sing “Ua mau ke ea o ka ‘âina I ka pono” while bowing.

At Awakin Circle last night, Harshida Aunty shared that sometimes she feels she should go outside to be in the beauty of nature. Then she will look out a window and see a butterfly.

“Beauty is everywhere,” said Harshida with a smile.

It felt so refreshing and powerful to do prayers indoors with a 5 year old child.

________

At the same Awakin Circle, Birju shared how he spoke to an indigenous elder who was at the Paris Climate Change talks. The elder said that the only thing that is going to fix climate change is love. Modern man (I specify gender intentionally here) has lost touch with loving the land.

In Hawaii, they live “Aloha ‘Āina” which means love of the land. The indigenous elder reminds me of Auntie Pîlahi Pâkî standing in front of the 1970 governor’s conference saying, “…in the next millennium the world will turn to Hawai’i in its search for world peace because Hawai’i has the key…and that key is Aloha.”

I also thought about those Hawaiian protesters who are picketing the construction of the 10 meter telescope on Mauna Kea. They chant, “Ku Kia’i Mauna” which roughly translates to “stand guard of the mountain.”

A Native American elder once told me, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for everything.”

The message is clear. Start loving the earth, land, gia at all costs.

Kūkae (BM)

12/2 Wednesday
7:30 AM BS small BM
8:30 AM BS Large BM
3:30 PM BS small BM
5:45 PM BS
6:30 PM BS
12/3 Thursday
2 AM BS lots
7 AM BS lots BM med
9 AM Med BM Small BS
6 PM BS small BM
8 PM BS lots Med BM
10:40 PM BS
12/4 Friday
6:40 AM BS
8:30 AM BS Med BM
12 PM BS small BM
6 PM BS small BM
9 AM BS
10 AM BS
12/5 Saturday
6:30 AM Large BM little BS
8 AM Large BM
1 PM BS
3:30 pm bs
10 pm bs
12/6 Sunday
7 AM BS
9 AM XLRG BM Little BS
12 PM Small BM brown wet
2 PM tiny BS
8 PM little BS brown
9:30 PM Lots of BS
12/7 Monday
2 AM Lots BS
6:30 AM BS
7 AM BS
8:30 AM Med BM BS
11 AM Lrg BM
3 PM BS small BM after healing touch
7 PM lots of BS
8 PM BS
9 PM BS
11 PM Lots BS
12/8 Tuesday
3:30 AM BS
7 AM BS
8 AM BS med BM
8:40 AM Med BM
3:20 PM BS small BM
7:30 PM Lots of BS
10 PM BS
11 PM BS
12/9 Wednesday
3:30 AM BS
7 AM BS small BM
8:30 AM Lrg BM
3 PM tiny BS
7 PM BS
10:30 PM BS
11:30 PM BS
12/10 Thursday
7 AM BS med BM
9:30 AM Huge BM tiny BS
5 PM BS
7:30 PM BS
9:30 PM BS
12/11 Friday
2 AM BS
6 AM BS
7:30 AM BS
8:30 AM Large BM little B
12 PM Large BM
4 PM Large BM
7 PM BS
12/12 Saturday
3:30 AM BS
7 AM tiny BS
9 AM small BM tiny BS
11:30 AM Small BM little B
12/13 Sunday
12 AM BS
2:30 AM BS
7:30 AM BS
9:30 AM Large BM
1:30 PM small brown S
7:30 PM BS med BM
12/14 Monday
12 AM S+little B
5 AM S+little B
7 AM S+little B+XL BM
11:30 AM BS small BM
6 PM tiny S
7 PM BS small BM
9:30 PM BS small BM
12/15 Tuesday
1 AM BS
7 AM small BM
9 AM Large BM little B
4:30 PM Med BM BS
5 PM BS
7 PM BS
9 PM BS
11 PM BS
12/16 Wednesday
1:30 AM BS
6:30 AM BS small BM
9 AM BS
12 PM BS
5 PM  BS
6 PM BS
11 PM BS
1 AM BS
8 AM BS
8:30 AM BS med BM
9:30 AM Med BM
12 PM Med BM

Aloha Healings 10/20/2015

waxing Gibbous `Ole Kū Kolu
‘Ikuwâ 20

After a long conversation with a family member, I realized how much of a burden I have been on my family. From the loss of my job to embracing gift ecology to the cancer diagnosis, I have been a financial and emotional albatross for many of my loved ones.

I used to get upset with others when they treated me in ways that I perceived as insensitive. “Don’t you know that I have cancer?” I would think or say under my breath. Now I see that I have drained the emotional gas tanks of many of those around me. I am trying to deepen into my practice of akahai–kindness or dealing with others as if I were wearing white gloves, so I don’t stain, damage, or hurt them.

I have even had the thought that it would be better for everyone if I just died. I have a fairly large life insurance policy and all those who are anxious about my alternative treatments would be able to relax and say, “I told him to get the chemo, radiation, and surgery.” I know this is literally a “deadly thought,” but it has arisen.

The flip side is that I need to live a long life to make up for all the heartache and pain I have caused.

I also think about all the people I have met since my unemployment. For them, I have been a positive influence. I have continued to find the silver lining even in very dark skies.

I guess the lesson is that we don’t have any control over others feelings and emotions. We can only shine our light as authentically as possible. Some will react to this light as a threat, while others will see it as an invitation. Some may blame you for their stress or distress. Others may thank you for their joy and happiness. I constantly remind myself of the Ho`oponopono teaching that I am 100% responsible for whatever arises in my life.

The Ho`oponopono prayer covers all of the thoughts above: “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.” Those four statements clear all relational trespasses and forge bridges of lōkahi–unity, connectedness, unbrokenness. I guess I’m being asked to deepen into this prayer. I’m also reminded of what the angels told me during my Reiki session with Giovanni: “Don’t give up; you know better.”

Diet

Got off the turtle soup. Funny story–the night before I started drinking the soup, my sons were watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie. In the movie, the bad guys are after the turtles to extract their blood which has powerful healing properties. I saw this as a sign, so I started drinking the soft-shell turtle soup.

After 2 days of profuse bleeding, I decided to stop. I realized that the real message was NOT to eat the turtles even if they have healing properties. My qigong master told me that the reason why I couldn’t just get soft-shell turtle powder at the herb store is because due to the rising economy in China, there is a shortage of soft-shell turtles. So the herb sellers are collecting the shells of turtles that have already been eaten to make the medicine. Seems to me that soft-shell turtles are heading for extinction, so I’m not going to participate in this slaughter, even if it means that I have to forgo the powerful medicinal properties.

Without the turtle, I have been pretty much raw, except for my morning oatmeal. I have also started drinking water from young coconuts. I also eat some of the meat from the coconut.

Exercise

After the fatigue from the turtles, I started my morning prayers and movements again. I’m finding deep healing in both the movements and the vibrations of the prayers.

Did 5 minutes of straight laughing with my men’s group last night. It felt great. Laughter is great medicine.

Relationships

As you can see above, I’ve been trying to empathize with those around me. It is a fine line to empathize while taking full responsibility of everything that arises in my field. The key seems to be not taking on the emotional baggage of others while trying to serve them.

Spirituality

Went to a memorial service for Trude Bock, the woman I used to do hospice care for. On the morning she passed, I decided to learn a Hawaiian chant called “E ala E.” Part of me felt like I should be spending quality time with Trude, but the night before I talked to another care giver and we agreed that Trude could live another year.

When I heard that she passed an hour after I left, I felt guilty  that I had not attended to her more that morning. But the Hawaiian prayer seemed almost God-sent: “Rise up/Awaken. The sun in the east. From the ocean, the deep ocean. Climbing to  heaven, the highest heaven. In the east, there is the sun. Arise/Awaken.” I chanted the prayer at Trude’s burial.

After the memorial service, I hopped in my car and the first song that came on was Kaukahi’s “E ala E”–a musical version of the prayer. It felt like Trude was talking to me or hugging me.

Also at the memorial service, I reconnected with another caretaker named Benedicta. When I told her about my diagnosis, she said to look at ways I haven’t forgiven myself. I sense there is something powerful there, but I’m not sure what I’m still holding against myself.

Kūkae (BM)

I seem to be alternating between days of cleansing out my colon and smaller BM days that consist of blood and sediment.

10/15

7 AM Blood and sediment

8 AM Medium BM w/blood

9:10 AM Large BM w/little blood

4 PM Sediment and blood with small BM

7 PM Small BM lots of blood

8 PM Blood and sediment

10/16

7 AM Blood and lots of sediment

8 AM Large/medium BM w/blood

11 AM Large BM w/little to no blood

4 PM Small BM w/blood

10/17

7 AM Blood and sediment

10 AM small BM

1:30 PM Blood and sediment

5:20 PM Blood and sediment

8:30 PM Blood and sediment

10/18

2:30 AM Blood and sediment

7:44 AM Tiny Blood and sediment

8:10 AM Blood and sediment with small BM

10 AM Blood and sediment with small BM

6 PM Blood and sediment

10/19

7:10 AM Blood and sediment with large BM

9:30 AM Huge BM with no blood

10/20

6:30 AM Blood and sediment

8:10 AM Medium BM Blood and sediment

8:40 AM Medium BM little blood

3 PM Sediment

9:45 PM lots of Blood and sediment

Aloha Healing 10/4/2015

moon_day_last ‘Ole Kû Pau
Māhoe Hope 4

Had “The Talk” with my mom this morning. And it was…beautiful.

At one point I asked her how she could let her child get beaten in front of her eyes.

She said that she sometimes tried to pull my step-father off of me, but he would shove her away. She also shared that she would often cry afterwards or blame herself for what happened because she had said something that caused the beatings.

When I heard these confessions, I remembered times when my mom was crying after I got beaten. I also vaguely remember her trying to pull my step-father off of me.

She also said that she would try to talk to my step-father afterwards and tell him that it was too much, but he wouldn’t listen. She even told him that he needed anger management work, but he said that she didn’t know what she was talking about.

It felt good to know that my mother was trying to help me. I thanked her and told her that I loved her.

Later in the evening, in a healing session with Roma Hammel, I told Roma about the talk with my mother. She stopped me mid-sentence and said, “Where are you in your body right now?”

I was no where to be found–all mind, all talk. She then lead me back into my body to “restore to life” that inner child that had learned to dissociate in order to protect himself. I was trying to resuscitate him, but I wasn’t present enough in my own body to blow life back into him.

Roma asked me about when I felt most alive. I told her about a wave I caught while in college at UCSB. It was a huge day at Campus Point, and I pulled into a gaping barreling right. I was so far back in the tube that I instinctually reached my right hand forward which shifted the weight on my surfboard. The foam ball inside the tube came up under my board and shoved me out of the barreling wave.

After I told this story in the present tense as if it was happening right now, my whole body was buzzing with excitement, adrenaline, and aliveness.

“That is the way I want you to bring that young child back to life,” Roma said. “Just like that wave, I want you to shove him gently back into embodiment.”

We went and found the inner child again, and I breathed strong breaths into his body. I pulled him to my heart and let him feel my love.

When he came back to life, we let him vent his anger: “Stop. Never again! Don’t touch me,” we screamed.

Then I cradled him again and told him how I would protect him and never leave him. How I loved him: “Thank you for all the love and joy you bring into my life,” I whispered.

At a certain point that child that I was cradling became me. Roma asked if I wanted to lay on the floor. So I laid down in the fetal position. She covered me with blankets and stroked my back, legs, and hair. After sometime, she left the room, “You can stay here as long as you want, even hours.”

I lay there reliving so many amazing experiences in my life. It felt like I was sharing these experiences with that child who had missed out because he was numb or asleep. After about 45 minutes, I opened my eyes and the whole room looked different. I saw colors and shapes I had never seen before, even though I had been in this room dozens of times. My body felt different as well.

Roma came back and asked me to tell me my name, “Marshall Makala Kozo Hattori,” I said.

“Say it like the warrior that you are,” Roma replied.

“Marshall Makala Kozo Hattori,” I roared.

“Yes, embody that gentle warrior. Be fully present and substantive to who you are,” she said.

“What is up for you now?” Roma asked.

When I told her how i was going to continue blogging and sharing this dis-ease to help and heal others, she said, “You are contracting again. Do you feel that? We tend to revert back to our old habits. Fully inhabit who you are.”

I was reminded of an experience I had at the healing ceremony with Michael. Michael asked if anyone wanted to share a prayer, so I started chanting a Hawaiian oli–E ala E. On the second time through, I felt the presence of powerful ancestors behind me chanting through my body and mouth.

After the ceremony, everyone shared that how much power they felt when I invoked Hawaiian spirits into the space.

What I am realizing is that I need to embody those ‘aumakua, as well as the ‘unihipili (child/unconscious spirit in Morrnah Simeona’s ho’oponopono practice) at all times.

Like the sun, I must shine brightly no matter how dark the clouds. The oli, E ala e, is actually a sunrise prayer that means “Arise! Awaken!”

So grateful for all the Light, Love, and Wisdom I was shone today.

When I was leaving my mom’s house, she said, “Well, I hope everything turns out ok.”

“It already has, mom,” I said truthfully.

Diet

Raw foods and juices with oatmeal. I’m really enjoying the flax seed crackers I dehydrated.

Exercise

Did morning prayers before heading to my mom’s. While saying the St. Francis prayer, I couldn’t remember the third line, even though I say this prayer every day.

Finally it dawned on me walking back to my car, “Lord make me an instrument of thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon.”

This reminded me of why I was going to my mom’s house.

Later in the afternoon, I took a nap then swam 7 laps in the pool. In the peak of summer I was swimming 10 laps, so I feel pretty good about doing 7 today.

Relationships

So much love and connection with my mom and my younger self. I feel loved and loving.

Spirituality

I’m learning to balance compassion with power and presence. I want to continue emitting Light and Love through each and every cell in my body. Embodied awakening is a moment by moment practice.

Kūkae (BM)

7:30 AM small sediment and a little blood followed by large “hot” BM with no blood

1:40 PM liquidy BM with blood

5:00 PM small BM with blood

6:40 PM small BM, mostly blood

The blood came back today, but not nearly as much or as frequent as before. Staying patient and observant. I’m kind of curious what each day brings.

Aloha Healing 10/3/2015

moon_day_last ‘Ole Kû Lua
Māhoe Hope 3

Diet

Had 4 beautiful raw meals today including flaxseed chip nachos, fresh salad, raw daikon rice sushi roles, and fresh squeezed vegetable juice.

THEN, I found a recipe for raw chocolate sauce in my raw foods cookbook. While blending the ingredients I knew that this was not what I need at this point in time, even though there was no processed sugar in the sauce. The look and the smell, however, were irresistible, so I poured some over some figs and walnuts and chowed down.

While eating the dessert, I inquired why I was doing this. Could it be I needed love and sweetness in my life? Was it because a loved one said something really mean to me today? Or did I just need a reward for all the dietary restrictions I have been upholding?

What is done is done. I’m not going to beat myself up about it, but I am going to remember how the experience of eating the chocolate sauce isn’t worth all the mind and body dis-ease I’m experiencing.

Exercise

Did morning prayers and movements this morning and 20 minutes of qigong walking. Took a nap in the afternoon while my sons watched an episode of “Once Upon a Time.” Then hiked up a 1.5 mile steep redwood trail with my 5 year old son on my back the whole way. I told my friend that 2 weeks ago, there was no way I would have been able to hike up this trail, much less carrying a 40 pound child. I’m feeling stronger and healthier everyday.

Relationships

Got to spend quality time with my sons and some close friends. Grateful for that.

Spirituality

I was telling my friend that I feel like I’m going with the flow of a river that includes spiritual, nutritional, medicinal, psychological, financial, and relational currents. They all seem to be flowing in the same direction–Let go without fear, stop clinging to illusions of security, love what is as it is, keeping giving and serving.

Kūkae (BM)

7 AM mostly sediment with a little blood and BM

9:15 AM Med-large BM with very little blood.

10 AM small BM with no blood

11:10 small soupy BM with no blood

3:20 Blood and sediment

Having interspersed bleeding which hopefully indicates healing.

Aloha Healing 9/26/2015

moonHoku
Māhoe Hope 26

Diet

All raw foods today except oatmeal in morning. Tasted and felt great. Second day of Moringa powder. Feeling good.

Exercise

Got a good night’s sleep and woke up to do full prayers and movements. Took an afternoon nap, then went to a birthday party with Jett and Fox at Pump It Up. Spent some time jumping up and down in a jumpy house. Supposedly, jumping on a trampoline strengthens your lymph nodes and immunity.

After the party, I took Jett fishing, so it was a pretty full day. I’m thinking that maybe I just need to take afternoon naps everyday.

Relationships

Talked to my mom about scheduling time to talk in person. We tried to carve space on Monday, but it turns out I have another appointment, so we will have to reschedule. I am grateful that my mom is open and available to talk to me.

Spirituality

Have been in awe of the clouds lately. So much beauty. Life can be a heaven on earth.

clouds

Kūkae (BM)

Lots of blood again today. I even had to go to the restroom a few times just to eliminate blood. I’m going to be patient and instigate these new treatments. I also think that the near full-moon (Hoku) might have something to do with the bleeding.

Aloha Healing 9/21/2015

first quarter moon

‘Ole Pau
Māhoe Hope 21

Had a qigong session with a qigong master today. He wants me to start eating soft-shell turtle soup with herbs. Not sure if I am ready to consume animal product again, much less little soft shelled honu. We also did qigong walking. He suggests I do this walk 2 hours a day.

Had Men’s Group tonight which focused on relationships with mothers. I made an intention to go talk to my mom about my childhood. Part of me is afraid that I might hurt her feelings or make her sad, but as one of the members of the group pointed out, it is not a child’s role to take care of the parent–of course, as we age we do have a responsibility to take care of our parents, but as children we often take on that burden.

I’m really feeling into how this dis-ease has to do with feelings that I have not released around my mother and childhood. I still get triggered when my wife brings up my mother as an example of good parenting. I still picture her with her arms crossed, tapping her toe, while I plea with her to stop my step-father from beating me.

Diet

Made some delicious veggie sushi today including “veggie rice” made of chopped up daikon root. This meal gave me confidence that I can live with this raw veggie diet and enjoy myself.

Exercise

Did early morning prayers and movements to the sunrise. Felt good to start the day off with prayer and movement.

Relationships

Deepened my relationship with the men in the men’s group by talking about our relationships with our mothers. Surprising how similar we all are.

Spirituality

While talking about my biological mother, I also mentioned the Reiki experience in Hawaii where I felt cradled by the Divine Mother. It makes me realize that I am being nurtured just the way I want, just not by my biological mother. Reminds me of what an Akashic records reader told me, “Our spiritual family is far more satisfying than any relationship we will have in life.”

Kūkae (BM)

It seems I’m in a pattern of blood sediment in the morning, followed by normal BM all day, then blood at night. I actually slept through the whole night last night without having to go to the bathroom.

Aloha Cancer 9/03/2015

kozo and wifeWoke up to talk to my wife after our 9th Wedding Anniversary. I told her that I have committed to her being my only lover for the rest of my life. I have kuleana  (responsibility) for her and my sons. I will be with her rain or shine, sickness or health, rich or poor, until death do us part.

It felt good to make this commitment. It puts a bigger picture around the daily conflicts or pilikia. We know that no matter what happens during the day, we will be there for each other. We will never abandon ship.

kit and berylI probably should have made this commitment when I said my vows during the wedding ceremony nine years ago, but I’m not sure I really understood them back then. Funny thing is that this weekend we are hanging out at Ocean Beach with my old friend, KIt, who was the officiant at our wedding. We have also agreed to re-take our vows in the redwoods on Monday.

According to Hawaiian spirituality, disease can come from conflict in relationships. Traditional ho’oponopono was a ritual to kala (liberate, cut) the ties that these conflicts have on us that cause us suffering and dis-ease. I believe I chose my wife before I came into this world to clear deep karma. If I don’t clear this karma, then i will not only die, but also need to come back to clear karma in a future life. Talk about life’s purpose!!!

I feel grateful to experience this clarity and take up this kuleana.

Diet

Same as yesterday. Avocados with almond humus. Eating beans tonight. Mangosteen and Apex. I started drinking honey and tumeric tea again. Will alternate with honey and ginger tea. Drinking some coconut water out of carton.

Exercise

Resting today. Not much exercise.

Relationships

Powerful bonding with my wife, Beryl. I feel like this is one of the most important centers of my healing. I am grateful that Beryl understands this and wants to support me. She cradled me last night like a baby for about 20 minutes. It felt so healing.

Spirituality

Said prayers this morning. Listened to my body and took a day off of exercise. Part of mâlama ko’u kino (nurturing my body) is to listen when it needs rest and give it rest.

BM

Still some blood in stool.

Sorry about the details, but I’m trying to document all the treatments and their effects on a daily basis. I want others who come after me to ‘ike (see/know) how to heal from this dis-ease.