Aloha Healings 11/18/2015

first quarter moon ‘Ole Kû Kolu
Welehu 18

We took the boys to the beach the other weekend. Beautiful, warm fall day with no crowds. While watching the surfers, thoughts of jealousy arose. “I could have surfed that wave better.” “Why are claiming that wave, you didn’t do anything?”

I realized that these thoughts were spoiling a beautiful day with my family. Just then, I saw my youngest son running up the beach away from a breaking wave, screaming his lungs out with joy. I couldn’t help but smile.

I decided to step into sympathetic joy with everyone and everything around me. I felt the freedom and thrill of the seagulls skimming the water. I experienced the beginner’s mind of surfers learning how to stand up and turn their longboards. Suddenly, everything became a launching pad for joy and excitement.

Later, I made an intention to only have two responses to any interaction with another sentient being–sympathetic joy or compassion.

I have been practicing this new form of relationship with others for over a week now, and I am amazed at how wonderful, peaceful, and intimate life has become. When someone is rude to me, I step into compassion for their suffering. When someone is overjoyed, I share their jubilation. I can’t think of a better way to go through life.

I noticed that our shitzu, Skye, lives life like this. When one of my sons is crying or whining, Skye howls sympathetically. When we are laughing or excited, Skye barks or runs around in circles feeding off our joy.

skye

Skye reminds me of a poem that has been circulating around mindfulness circles:

If you can sit quietly after difficult news…

If in financial downturns you remain perfectly calm…

If you see your neighbors travel to favorite places without a tinge of jealousy…

If you can happily eat whatever is put on your plate…

If you can love everyone around you unconditionally…

If you can always find contentment just where you are…

You are probably..

A dog.

Diet

Been really enjoying the combinations of veggies that I have been experimenting with. I bought some sauerkraut and made some veggie fajita and sauerkraut sushi the other day. I also made some yummy kale, red pepper, and black bean quinoa that I wrapped in lettuce leaves.

Exercise

Everyday I seem to be getting stronger and stronger. In my morning movements I do a kind of chair pose called “punahou” (young spring). I have been holding this pose longer and longer every week.

A friend gave me a hug over the weekend and said that even though I haven’t gained any weight, my body has a different “texture.” He said that when I first started the juicing, fasting, and eating an all-vegetable diet, he got frightened when he hugged me because I was so skinny and frail. Now he feels strength and health when he hugs me.

Relationships

Practicing mudita (sympathetic joy) and karunâ (compassion) has done wonder for all my relationships. Even while listening to the breaking reports about the terrorist attacks in Paris, all I could feel was compassion for both the victims and the attackers.

Spirituality

Had an interesting moment when I saw lots of tiny stars all around while sitting in the break room at work. My father-in-law said that is what chi looks like, but I’ve never experienced it indoors before.

Kūkae (BM)

11/7

7:30 AM Extra large BM (maybe biggest ever) BS

11 AM Med/Small BM

4:30 PM Small BM BS brown

6 PM BS

8 PM small BM BS

11/8

12 AM tiny BS

6:30 AM BS

9:10 AM Small BM BS

10 AM Tiny BS

12 PM Tiny BS

6:30 PM BS

8 PM BS Small BM

9 PM BS

11/9

1 AM BS

6:30 PM BS Small BM

8 AM Large BM BS

10 AM Large BM little B

1 PM Med BM BS

5 PM BS

6 PM BS

11/10

6:30 AM Blood and sediment with small BM

7:30 AM Large BM BS

9 AM Large BM

2:20 PM Blood

6:30 PM BS

7:30 PM Blood and Sediment.with small BM

11/11

Lost data card

11/12

6 AM BS Large BM

8:30 AM Watery small BM

6 PM BS

9:00 PM BS

11/13

7 AM Tiny BS Med/Lrg BM

8:40 AM BS brown

9:30 AM BS brown

4 PM BS

7 PM BS

11/14

8:40 AM Med BM

1 PM Med BM

6 PM small BM BS

8 PM BS

9:30 PM BS

11/15

6:30 AM BS Small BM

7:30 AM BS Small BM

5:20 PM BS

9:30 PM BS Small BM

11/16

6 AM tiny BS Med BM

8 AM Lrg BM

10:11 AM Med BM

12:45 PM Med/Lrg BM tiny B

2 PM Small BM

3:30 PM Small/Med BM

7 PM BS

10 PM BS

11 PM BS

11/17

1 AM BS

6:15 AM BS

7:15 AM BS Large BM

9:10 AM Small/Med BM Little BS

6:30 PM BS

7:30 PM BS

8:30 PM BS

10 PM BS

11/18

3:30 AM BS

6:30 AM Tiny BS Large BM

7 AM Large BM

8:30 AM Small BM

9 AM Sm/Med BM

9:40 AM Small BM

3:20 PM tiny tiny sediment

8 PM BS

9 PM BS

Advertisements

Aloha Healing 10/3/2015

moon_day_last ‘Ole Kû Lua
Māhoe Hope 3

Diet

Had 4 beautiful raw meals today including flaxseed chip nachos, fresh salad, raw daikon rice sushi roles, and fresh squeezed vegetable juice.

THEN, I found a recipe for raw chocolate sauce in my raw foods cookbook. While blending the ingredients I knew that this was not what I need at this point in time, even though there was no processed sugar in the sauce. The look and the smell, however, were irresistible, so I poured some over some figs and walnuts and chowed down.

While eating the dessert, I inquired why I was doing this. Could it be I needed love and sweetness in my life? Was it because a loved one said something really mean to me today? Or did I just need a reward for all the dietary restrictions I have been upholding?

What is done is done. I’m not going to beat myself up about it, but I am going to remember how the experience of eating the chocolate sauce isn’t worth all the mind and body dis-ease I’m experiencing.

Exercise

Did morning prayers and movements this morning and 20 minutes of qigong walking. Took a nap in the afternoon while my sons watched an episode of “Once Upon a Time.” Then hiked up a 1.5 mile steep redwood trail with my 5 year old son on my back the whole way. I told my friend that 2 weeks ago, there was no way I would have been able to hike up this trail, much less carrying a 40 pound child. I’m feeling stronger and healthier everyday.

Relationships

Got to spend quality time with my sons and some close friends. Grateful for that.

Spirituality

I was telling my friend that I feel like I’m going with the flow of a river that includes spiritual, nutritional, medicinal, psychological, financial, and relational currents. They all seem to be flowing in the same direction–Let go without fear, stop clinging to illusions of security, love what is as it is, keeping giving and serving.

Kūkae (BM)

7 AM mostly sediment with a little blood and BM

9:15 AM Med-large BM with very little blood.

10 AM small BM with no blood

11:10 small soupy BM with no blood

3:20 Blood and sediment

Having interspersed bleeding which hopefully indicates healing.

Aloha Healing 10/1/2015

moonLâ’au Pau
Māhoe Hope 1

Today was a day of patience. Not much happening. Lost some financial support.

Diet

Raw foods and oatmeal. I did eat organic hummus with cucumber slices. Not sure if hummus is on the anti-cancer diet, but my body called for it.

Exercise

Did about 20 minutes of qiqong walking. Also, spent a lot of time in the sunshine. Got tired in the afternoon and had to take a nap. Overall, though, energy levels are pretty high. I don’t get tired walking up stairs anymore.

Relationships

One of my key relationships told me that they couldn’t support me and my treatments today. I’m learning to accept what is. We think that people will support us, but they don’t. We think that our mothers will protect us, but they don’t. Trying not to live in what I think should happen, and instead, live in what is happening.

Spirituality

Patience

Ahonui (patience) is calling. The whole day was asking me to be patient. I’d give myself a B+.

Kūkae (BM)

Some more blood today, although I still saw more sediment without much blood. Forgot to take a note card to keep track of BMs.

Aloha Healing 9/29/2015

waning moonLâ’au Kû Kahi
Māhoe Hope 29

Wow! Powerful day. I was invited to a healing ceremony by Michael Brabant. When I showed up in Oakland at 7:30 PM, I stepped into a whole new world.

Michael had rearranged his loft to create a healing container full of beauty, organization, spirit, and intention. The room was carefully arranged so each participant had a specific seat in the mandala. Everything was accounted for including sage, tissues, Blue Solar water bottles with matching blue glass goblets, an alter, and a healing mat.

Michael’s friend, Tylor brought a truck load of crystals that were carefully placed around the room, on the alter, on the healing mat, and in the four corners. The stone sitting in front of me looked like a salt water aquarium, When I peered into it, it went 3D with faces, animals, and clouds. Sitting next to the face-like stone were two long quartz “arms.” At one point in the ceremony, I felt like this arrangement became a living spirit with arms open wide to accept me just as I was.

The fourth participant was a kind-hearted and courageous woman named Simone. Around 8 PM we gathered around the alter and started the ceremony.

I can’t really describe what happened during the ceremony that ended around 1 AM, but let me just say that I experienced so many layers of healing that were far beyond the body. My diagnosed dis-ease was just a hiccup in the larger spiritual growth that I sensed into.

Healing rituals included prayer, natural medicine, Brazilian hymns, indigenous flute playing, Hawaiian Ho’oponopono, crystal energy work, a powerful sharing circle, and delicious high-vibration vegetarian food. At the end of the ceremony, Michael announced that he is gifting the entire ceremony to all of us. All the work, preparation, care, intention, time, food, and money to host this powerful healing were given freely: “When you heal, we all heal,” Michael said at one point in the ceremony.

The whole night, I was flooded with gratitude. During the ceremony, I felt so honored and privileged to be invited to this circle. As I lay on the healing mat while the others sang prayers in Portuguese above and around me, I couldn’t think of anywhere I’d rather be at that moment. At multiple points in the night, I felt the profound presence of the Divine Mother, ‘Aumakua (ancestral spirits), healing angels, and life force (mana, chi, ki, prana) flowing in, around, and through me.

In the post ceremony meal, eating fresh guacamole with cucumber slices and organic Fuji apples, I calculated how priceless this experience was. So when Michael said it was freely given, it blew my mind and heart wide open. It made me realize that angels do exist and God is looking out for each and every one of us. I also felt the kuleana (responsibility) to give because I have been given so much.

If you ever get the chance to do a ceremony, a workshop, or a private session with Michael Brabant don’t hesitate for one second. It will change your life.

I’m not sure what the physical manifestations of this ceremony will be going forward, but it almost doesn’t matter. What matters is not matter. The peace, unity, love, community, hope, faith, compassion, and power I experienced last night helped me to see this cancer diagnosis as one of the greatest gifts i have ever received.

Diet

These are my daily treatments at this point in time:

  • Protandim first thing in the morning.
  • Chia Seed, flax meal, Moringa mixed with alkaline water
  • Apex nano-silver in the morning and evening
  • Fresh juiced kale, cucumber, carrot, beet, celery, and granny smith apple mixed with spirulina
  • a quart of Trader Joe’s organic carrot juice consumed throughout the day
  • Oatmeal with flax seed oil, walnuts, honey, and dates
  • Mangosteen juice in the morning and evening.
  • Cod Liver Oil for vitamin D3
  • mostly raw organic vegetarian food throughout the day
  • nuts for protein
  • about 3/4 gallon of 10.0 Kangen water throughout the day

Exercise

Took it easy today after the ceremony, but I felt a lot of energy. Wasn’t tired walking up stairs or running errands.

Relationships

So many relationships with the incarnate and disincarnate were nurtured today. I can’t even begin to understand or remember how much peace and unity I experienced with individuals and collectives today.

Spirituality

Delving deep into all the different doorways to spirit. Overall, I’m grateful to be alive in this manifestation at this present moment, right here, right now. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Kūkae (BM)

I kept a log of kûkae today. I’m using this to monitor my health, not for blog readers. 🙂

6:20 AM Little blood and sediment followed by large BM

9:40 AM Large BM with little to no blood

3:45 PM little blood with small BM

5:45 blood and sediment

1 AMish After ceremony I had a large amount of sediment pass with blood

Definitely noticing less blood, more regular bowel movements, and more sediment with not as much blood.

Aloha Healing 9/28/2015

full moonKulu
Māhoe Hope 28

Spent the day on the East Bay today. So many intersections. Here are a few highlights:

Motherly Love

First, I met with Sandy, a friend from Hawaii. A month ago, when Sandy heard about my diagnosis, she gifted me with $100 of Mangosteen juice. Today, I picked up a new supply from her.

We started talking about mothers and she shared a powerful story. One of her friends was a devoted mother. She did everything for her kids who are now in their twenties. In the last week, all three of her kids told her in their own way that she was not a good mother. She was shocked.

She told Sandy that she had not been loved as a child, so she made sure that her children knew that they were loved. Sandy observed that the love that she was giving to her children was the love that she never got. She was not loving her children how they wanted/needed to be loved, but instead how she wanted to be loved.

Equanimity

For lunch, I met with ServiceSpace friends at Cafe Gratitude. We were talking about 10 day meditation retreats, fears around money, and one of our dear friends who has Aplastic Anemia. One of the volunteers summed up the whole conversation with an insight about equanimity. She said that it is not about reaching a destination whether that be financial security, enlightenment, or a clean bill of health. Meditation helps us embrace whatever arises with equanimity. It’s not about changing outcomes; it is about changing our present moment reactions.

Moms Again

After lunch, I headed to my mom’s house. She and my step-father were busy planning a trip, so for the first half-hour I just sat on the couch while they ironed out the details. I wanted to talk to my mom alone, but she seemed to want to talk in front of my step-father. I asked her a few questions about when she was pregnant with me. She mentioned one story about my father that revealed a scarcity mentality. My mom said that one of the soldiers my father was in charge of had an expecting wife, but wanted to buy a set of encyclopedias. My father felt the need to explain to this soldier that he needed to save his money for diapers, baby food, etc.

While in Hawaii, my uncle told me that one thing my father told him before he died was that he was satisfied that he had provided enough financially for his sons in the event of his dying.

My father seemed really concerned with financial security. Interesting how this concern gets transferred onto me, especially now when I’m dealing with medical bills and a lack of a steady income.

I only got to talk to my mom for about 20 minutes, but I was grateful for that and left for dinner at my friend’s house.

Backing Into the Future

My friend Michael made some fresh organic vegetable juice, guacamole with cucumber slices, and baked brussels sprouts chips for dinner. After we chowed, he offered me a healing session with modern Tarot cards. He asked me to pick three cards: one each for the past, present, and future.

tarot cards

For the past I drew “Transformation,” which in the classic tarot card deck is the Death card. It talked about rebirth.

The present card was “Solitude” that stressed the need to spend time alone in meditation, prayer, and solace.

The future card was “Heartbreak and Loss” that emphasized the need to go through the darkest aspects of life to find the Light.

Michael read into these cards what I had been sensing for months now. First, my egoic mind would like these cards in the reverse order. In my mind, I have already been through heartbreak and loss with the loss of my career, broken relationships, and the diagnosis. In the present, I spend time in meditation and prayer which leads to a future full of transformation. What a great story!

The reverse order, however, paints a different picture. The future holds more shadow that I need to be aware of. Michael emphasized that the cancer was a very small part of my spiritual development. I had the idea that if I made peace in all my relationships that this cancer would cure itself. I was in a rush to heal all these relationships to try to get rid of the cancer as soon as possible.

I even had the thought that if I healed the cancer, I would be a well-known and sought after Jedi Master: “The circuit is now complete. Now I am the master.”

These cards humble me and make me realize that I have more cleaning/clearing to do. The solitude card reminds me to go slowly and take care of myself. The heartbreak & loss card keeps me looking for shadow and blind spots.

Like Michael says, without an agenda the true path becomes clear. I’ve been so focused on my agenda to heal the cancer that I’ve lost sight of the present moment. I’m like Sandy’s friend who raised her children with the agenda of healing her childhood. If I drop my agenda of getting rid of the tumor or becoming enlightened, then true guidance and spiritual growth will come. It all comes back to equanimity and being in agreement/alignment with whatever the present moment offers–not wishing ANYTHING to be different.

Diet

Great meal at Cafe Gratitude followed by nourishing juice made with love by Michael.

Exercise

Did morning prayers and exercises, although a shortened version, since I had an early appointment.

Relationships

What a day of relationships. Spent time with wise elders, ServiceSpace volunteers, my mother and step-father, and Michael Brabant–a powerful healer.

Spirituality

Learning to navigate with an agenda-less rudder.

Kūkae (BM)

I kept a log of kûkae today. I’m using this to monitor my health, not for blog readers. 🙂

7:30 AM blood followed by medium BM

8:30 AM Large BM with a little blood

11:00 AM Large BM with a little blood

7:00 PM lots of bloody sediment, although not a lot of blood

8:50 PM small sediment with very little blood

Every few days, I seem to clear out a lot of my colon in one day, followed by days with small BMs.

Aloha Healing 9/27/2015

full moonMāhealani
Māhoe Hope 27

Today is the blood moon eclipse and the closest the moon gets to earth for another 30 years. I felt heavy like gravity today. Not much lightness and a lot of bleeding. I’m interested to see what tomorrow brings.

Diet

Raw foods and oatmeal. Then for dinner succumbed to Chipotle salad. The manager said that everything I was getting was vegan. Did two rounds of juice and drank ginger/honey tea. I also started cod liver oil again after preparing a urine sample for testing.

Exercise

Woke up early, but fatigued, to do urine test. Then went to park to do prayers and movements. Walked half way back from park doing qigong walk. All in all, it took over an hour to do morning exercises.

I noticed while doing a shaking exercise that it felt very similar to jumping on a trampoline yesterday. Ancient cultures seemed to sense into the need to simulate the lymph nodes and immune system with this bouncing movement. In our modern culture, we don’t dance or move as much. Even the hokey pokey would be powerful practice if performed everyday.

Relationships

Spent powerful time with Jett and Fox. Also, connected with my cousin, Scott. He has very different views about treatment, but he seemed to see my perspective without necessary agreeing with it. I’m noticing that I don’t have micro-arguments anymore. If someone disagrees, so be it. We are still in the same canoe.

Spirituality

Had some vivid dreams again this morning. Not sure what they mean, but they feel real. The word for dream in Hawaiian is moe’uhane which literally means “sleep spirit.” I’m sensing that my spirit is trying to tell me something, but not sure what it is. This dream had to do with the end of a retreat/summer camp. My son Jett was there. I was saying goodbye to other familiar ServiceSpace participants, feeling tenderly connected, yet sad. The Brazilian term, saudade–“the love that remains after someone is gone”–came to mind.

One of the core members of ServiceSpace has been dealing with Aplastic Anemia. I feel so connected with this friend since our diagnosis came within weeks of each other. He is also pushing off conventional treatment in favor of alternative medicine. I have a feeling that our healing is connected with each other and the ‘âina (the land/that which sustains us). Saying St. Francis prayer this morning, I got the distinct message that I am to love, console, heal others first. “It is in giving that we receive; in pardoning that we are pardoned; in dying that we are born into eternal life.”

Kūkae (BM)

I kept a log of kûkae today. I’m using this to monitor my health, not for blog readers. 🙂

6:30 AM blood and small BM

9 AM small BM w/little blood

11:55 AM med to small BM w/little blood

2 PM Just blood

5:15 PM Small bloody BM

Aloha Healing 9/26/2015

moonHoku
Māhoe Hope 26

Diet

All raw foods today except oatmeal in morning. Tasted and felt great. Second day of Moringa powder. Feeling good.

Exercise

Got a good night’s sleep and woke up to do full prayers and movements. Took an afternoon nap, then went to a birthday party with Jett and Fox at Pump It Up. Spent some time jumping up and down in a jumpy house. Supposedly, jumping on a trampoline strengthens your lymph nodes and immunity.

After the party, I took Jett fishing, so it was a pretty full day. I’m thinking that maybe I just need to take afternoon naps everyday.

Relationships

Talked to my mom about scheduling time to talk in person. We tried to carve space on Monday, but it turns out I have another appointment, so we will have to reschedule. I am grateful that my mom is open and available to talk to me.

Spirituality

Have been in awe of the clouds lately. So much beauty. Life can be a heaven on earth.

clouds

Kūkae (BM)

Lots of blood again today. I even had to go to the restroom a few times just to eliminate blood. I’m going to be patient and instigate these new treatments. I also think that the near full-moon (Hoku) might have something to do with the bleeding.