“Earth School”

Spent the last few nights with Gary Zukav and Linda Francis. So grateful for their dedication to the path.

Books_The_Seat_ofthe_SoulAlthough Gary has been on Oprah 37 times, he is one of the most humble, vulnerable, and authentic men I have ever met.

A few pieces of wisdom really resonated with me.

First, Gary said that at one point in his life he was afraid of being afraid. He said the clinical term for this is “macho.” I realized how much of my life I overcompensated for being afraid—afraid of being alone, afraid of my emotions, afraid of not being good enough.

Next, Gary and Linda said there are only two intentions—one that comes from love and one that comes from fear. Other intentions they referred to as “out-tensions.” When deciding on any course of action, they ask themselves if they are coming from love or fear.

This reminded me of a conversation we had with a Hawaiian elder named Manulani Aluli Meyer. She said, “When love is at the center, ego isn’t.”

Manu continues, “We are dedicated to the purpose of what love means in this lifetime. And it must start within your own practices and your own commitments and your own deeds. That is why I love Shakespeare’s quotation when he said, ‘By my actions teach my mind’. I love that because it is not by our talk or by our words, it is by our actions. So that is a very cultural statement. Basically, stop talking, start doing. And when you are doing in the vibrancy of what aloha is, then there is a healing on the planet.”

As a grandson of a Hawaiian man, I have the kuleana (responsibility) to dedicate my life to “what love means in this life time.” My purpose is to be aloha. To be pono (righteous).

I often ask my sons, “Are you being pono (righteous) or pilikia (troublesome)?” This is similar to Gary and Linda’s practice of questioning whether they are coming from love or fear.

Lastly, both Gary and Linda refer to this life as “earth school.” We are souls here to learn. I love that view of life.

During one circle, I felt obliged to share a talk I had with my cousin. I was telling him how I was a compassionate boy when I was young. I remember crying while watching Laura Ingals on Little House on the Prairie.

Then my step-father entered my life and started whipping me with a leather belt when I was 5 years old. Talking to my cousin, I was furious that I didn’t have a choice in this monumental event in my life.

After 12 years of abuse, I turned into a cruel and angry adolescent who lacked compassion. This lack of compassion torpedoed my life. I lost lovers, friends, and jobs. After I hit rock bottom, I dedicated myself to becoming a compassionate man and raising compassionate boys.

But it was/is a process. On the phone with my cousin, I simultaneously grieved the innocence of that 4 year old compassionate boy and raged at the injustice that he was forced to suffer.

Then I was struck with a vision. I saw my soul floating above the earth plane before I was born. My soul could see my whole life laid out before it. And then…it CHOSE to incarnate into this life.

I chose physical abuse. I chose cancer. I chose unemployment. I chose all these things because I knew that they would bring me to the awakening I am experiencing right now.

I thanked Gary and Linda for the term “earth school,” because I now realize that I chose my own curriculum. Of all the classes available, I chose Physical Abuse 101, Introduction to Cancer, Financial Hardship 2B, Mediation 100, Advanced Surfing, Intro to Kapu Aloha, and the Noble Friends Seminar.

After this realization, I no longer blame others for what is happening in my life. I don’t blame my step-father for using corporal punishment. I don’t blame my mom for choosing to marry my step-father. I don’t blame my biological father for choosing to go back for a second tour of duty in Vietnam from which he never returned. I don’t even blame myself for all the trespasses I have committed.

When there is no one left to blame, we can only love. Love everyone. Love everything. I hope this new path helps me do “in the vibrancy of what aloha is” and heals the planet.

Who are some of your influential spiritual teachers? What realizations have shaped your life?

 

 

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Book Release Party Free Download

Kozo Book cover 4c

I’ve just published my first book, The Healing Grace of Cancer. I am so grateful for all of you who have walked this healing journey with me. Please accept this humble offering: for the next five days, starting on Christmas, you can download a free copy of the book  here.

You are my writing tribe, so feel free to offer critiques or constructive criticism.

Wishing all of you a peace-filled and joyful holiday season.

With Aloha, Kozo

 

Cancer Free at Last

IMG_3063

Free at last, Free at Last, Thank God almighty we are free at last.”—Martin Luther King Jr.

After two and a half years since diagnosed with Stage 2 colorectal cancer, I’m cancer free. I don’t mean that I don’t have any cancer in my body, because we all have cancerous cells in our bodies. I mean cancer has set me free.

Cancer showed me how to embrace and bless everything that life has to offer. This freedom to love all that arises has made all the difference. Nowadays, when I hear myself saying, “God Dammit!” I immediately stop and say, “God Bless It!” because I know that everything is a blessing.

Pierre Pradervand, author of The Gentle Art of Blessing, said it best:

“When something goes completely askew in your day, some unexpected event knocks down your plans and you too also, burst into blessing: for life is teaching you a lesson, and the very event you believe to be unwanted, you yourself called forth, so as to learn the lesson you might balk against were you not to bless it. Trials are blessings in disguise, and hosts of angels follow in their path.”

I see now that I “called forth” cancer to teach me deep lessons. Cancer revealed to me the “hosts of angels” both visible and invisible that are available at any moment. From my Hawaiian Grandfather, who died of lung cancer over 20 years ago, to members of my meditation circle and men’s group to my two Shi Tzu dogs lying on the couch as I type, the world is full of angels to guide us, help us, and love us through thick and thin.

It is so amazing to be back—as a father, a blogger, a human being. I have so much to share with you. Stay tuned.

 

Aloha Healings 11/18/2015

first quarter moon ‘Ole Kû Kolu
Welehu 18

We took the boys to the beach the other weekend. Beautiful, warm fall day with no crowds. While watching the surfers, thoughts of jealousy arose. “I could have surfed that wave better.” “Why are claiming that wave, you didn’t do anything?”

I realized that these thoughts were spoiling a beautiful day with my family. Just then, I saw my youngest son running up the beach away from a breaking wave, screaming his lungs out with joy. I couldn’t help but smile.

I decided to step into sympathetic joy with everyone and everything around me. I felt the freedom and thrill of the seagulls skimming the water. I experienced the beginner’s mind of surfers learning how to stand up and turn their longboards. Suddenly, everything became a launching pad for joy and excitement.

Later, I made an intention to only have two responses to any interaction with another sentient being–sympathetic joy or compassion.

I have been practicing this new form of relationship with others for over a week now, and I am amazed at how wonderful, peaceful, and intimate life has become. When someone is rude to me, I step into compassion for their suffering. When someone is overjoyed, I share their jubilation. I can’t think of a better way to go through life.

I noticed that our shitzu, Skye, lives life like this. When one of my sons is crying or whining, Skye howls sympathetically. When we are laughing or excited, Skye barks or runs around in circles feeding off our joy.

skye

Skye reminds me of a poem that has been circulating around mindfulness circles:

If you can sit quietly after difficult news…

If in financial downturns you remain perfectly calm…

If you see your neighbors travel to favorite places without a tinge of jealousy…

If you can happily eat whatever is put on your plate…

If you can love everyone around you unconditionally…

If you can always find contentment just where you are…

You are probably..

A dog.

Diet

Been really enjoying the combinations of veggies that I have been experimenting with. I bought some sauerkraut and made some veggie fajita and sauerkraut sushi the other day. I also made some yummy kale, red pepper, and black bean quinoa that I wrapped in lettuce leaves.

Exercise

Everyday I seem to be getting stronger and stronger. In my morning movements I do a kind of chair pose called “punahou” (young spring). I have been holding this pose longer and longer every week.

A friend gave me a hug over the weekend and said that even though I haven’t gained any weight, my body has a different “texture.” He said that when I first started the juicing, fasting, and eating an all-vegetable diet, he got frightened when he hugged me because I was so skinny and frail. Now he feels strength and health when he hugs me.

Relationships

Practicing mudita (sympathetic joy) and karunâ (compassion) has done wonder for all my relationships. Even while listening to the breaking reports about the terrorist attacks in Paris, all I could feel was compassion for both the victims and the attackers.

Spirituality

Had an interesting moment when I saw lots of tiny stars all around while sitting in the break room at work. My father-in-law said that is what chi looks like, but I’ve never experienced it indoors before.

Kūkae (BM)

11/7

7:30 AM Extra large BM (maybe biggest ever) BS

11 AM Med/Small BM

4:30 PM Small BM BS brown

6 PM BS

8 PM small BM BS

11/8

12 AM tiny BS

6:30 AM BS

9:10 AM Small BM BS

10 AM Tiny BS

12 PM Tiny BS

6:30 PM BS

8 PM BS Small BM

9 PM BS

11/9

1 AM BS

6:30 PM BS Small BM

8 AM Large BM BS

10 AM Large BM little B

1 PM Med BM BS

5 PM BS

6 PM BS

11/10

6:30 AM Blood and sediment with small BM

7:30 AM Large BM BS

9 AM Large BM

2:20 PM Blood

6:30 PM BS

7:30 PM Blood and Sediment.with small BM

11/11

Lost data card

11/12

6 AM BS Large BM

8:30 AM Watery small BM

6 PM BS

9:00 PM BS

11/13

7 AM Tiny BS Med/Lrg BM

8:40 AM BS brown

9:30 AM BS brown

4 PM BS

7 PM BS

11/14

8:40 AM Med BM

1 PM Med BM

6 PM small BM BS

8 PM BS

9:30 PM BS

11/15

6:30 AM BS Small BM

7:30 AM BS Small BM

5:20 PM BS

9:30 PM BS Small BM

11/16

6 AM tiny BS Med BM

8 AM Lrg BM

10:11 AM Med BM

12:45 PM Med/Lrg BM tiny B

2 PM Small BM

3:30 PM Small/Med BM

7 PM BS

10 PM BS

11 PM BS

11/17

1 AM BS

6:15 AM BS

7:15 AM BS Large BM

9:10 AM Small/Med BM Little BS

6:30 PM BS

7:30 PM BS

8:30 PM BS

10 PM BS

11/18

3:30 AM BS

6:30 AM Tiny BS Large BM

7 AM Large BM

8:30 AM Small BM

9 AM Sm/Med BM

9:40 AM Small BM

3:20 PM tiny tiny sediment

8 PM BS

9 PM BS

Aloha Healing 10/3/2015

moon_day_last ‘Ole Kû Lua
Māhoe Hope 3

Diet

Had 4 beautiful raw meals today including flaxseed chip nachos, fresh salad, raw daikon rice sushi roles, and fresh squeezed vegetable juice.

THEN, I found a recipe for raw chocolate sauce in my raw foods cookbook. While blending the ingredients I knew that this was not what I need at this point in time, even though there was no processed sugar in the sauce. The look and the smell, however, were irresistible, so I poured some over some figs and walnuts and chowed down.

While eating the dessert, I inquired why I was doing this. Could it be I needed love and sweetness in my life? Was it because a loved one said something really mean to me today? Or did I just need a reward for all the dietary restrictions I have been upholding?

What is done is done. I’m not going to beat myself up about it, but I am going to remember how the experience of eating the chocolate sauce isn’t worth all the mind and body dis-ease I’m experiencing.

Exercise

Did morning prayers and movements this morning and 20 minutes of qigong walking. Took a nap in the afternoon while my sons watched an episode of “Once Upon a Time.” Then hiked up a 1.5 mile steep redwood trail with my 5 year old son on my back the whole way. I told my friend that 2 weeks ago, there was no way I would have been able to hike up this trail, much less carrying a 40 pound child. I’m feeling stronger and healthier everyday.

Relationships

Got to spend quality time with my sons and some close friends. Grateful for that.

Spirituality

I was telling my friend that I feel like I’m going with the flow of a river that includes spiritual, nutritional, medicinal, psychological, financial, and relational currents. They all seem to be flowing in the same direction–Let go without fear, stop clinging to illusions of security, love what is as it is, keeping giving and serving.

Kūkae (BM)

7 AM mostly sediment with a little blood and BM

9:15 AM Med-large BM with very little blood.

10 AM small BM with no blood

11:10 small soupy BM with no blood

3:20 Blood and sediment

Having interspersed bleeding which hopefully indicates healing.

Aloha Healing 10/1/2015

moonLâ’au Pau
Māhoe Hope 1

Today was a day of patience. Not much happening. Lost some financial support.

Diet

Raw foods and oatmeal. I did eat organic hummus with cucumber slices. Not sure if hummus is on the anti-cancer diet, but my body called for it.

Exercise

Did about 20 minutes of qiqong walking. Also, spent a lot of time in the sunshine. Got tired in the afternoon and had to take a nap. Overall, though, energy levels are pretty high. I don’t get tired walking up stairs anymore.

Relationships

One of my key relationships told me that they couldn’t support me and my treatments today. I’m learning to accept what is. We think that people will support us, but they don’t. We think that our mothers will protect us, but they don’t. Trying not to live in what I think should happen, and instead, live in what is happening.

Spirituality

Patience

Ahonui (patience) is calling. The whole day was asking me to be patient. I’d give myself a B+.

Kūkae (BM)

Some more blood today, although I still saw more sediment without much blood. Forgot to take a note card to keep track of BMs.

Aloha Healing 9/29/2015

waning moonLâ’au Kû Kahi
Māhoe Hope 29

Wow! Powerful day. I was invited to a healing ceremony by Michael Brabant. When I showed up in Oakland at 7:30 PM, I stepped into a whole new world.

Michael had rearranged his loft to create a healing container full of beauty, organization, spirit, and intention. The room was carefully arranged so each participant had a specific seat in the mandala. Everything was accounted for including sage, tissues, Blue Solar water bottles with matching blue glass goblets, an alter, and a healing mat.

Michael’s friend, Tylor brought a truck load of crystals that were carefully placed around the room, on the alter, on the healing mat, and in the four corners. The stone sitting in front of me looked like a salt water aquarium, When I peered into it, it went 3D with faces, animals, and clouds. Sitting next to the face-like stone were two long quartz “arms.” At one point in the ceremony, I felt like this arrangement became a living spirit with arms open wide to accept me just as I was.

The fourth participant was a kind-hearted and courageous woman named Simone. Around 8 PM we gathered around the alter and started the ceremony.

I can’t really describe what happened during the ceremony that ended around 1 AM, but let me just say that I experienced so many layers of healing that were far beyond the body. My diagnosed dis-ease was just a hiccup in the larger spiritual growth that I sensed into.

Healing rituals included prayer, natural medicine, Brazilian hymns, indigenous flute playing, Hawaiian Ho’oponopono, crystal energy work, a powerful sharing circle, and delicious high-vibration vegetarian food. At the end of the ceremony, Michael announced that he is gifting the entire ceremony to all of us. All the work, preparation, care, intention, time, food, and money to host this powerful healing were given freely: “When you heal, we all heal,” Michael said at one point in the ceremony.

The whole night, I was flooded with gratitude. During the ceremony, I felt so honored and privileged to be invited to this circle. As I lay on the healing mat while the others sang prayers in Portuguese above and around me, I couldn’t think of anywhere I’d rather be at that moment. At multiple points in the night, I felt the profound presence of the Divine Mother, ‘Aumakua (ancestral spirits), healing angels, and life force (mana, chi, ki, prana) flowing in, around, and through me.

In the post ceremony meal, eating fresh guacamole with cucumber slices and organic Fuji apples, I calculated how priceless this experience was. So when Michael said it was freely given, it blew my mind and heart wide open. It made me realize that angels do exist and God is looking out for each and every one of us. I also felt the kuleana (responsibility) to give because I have been given so much.

If you ever get the chance to do a ceremony, a workshop, or a private session with Michael Brabant don’t hesitate for one second. It will change your life.

I’m not sure what the physical manifestations of this ceremony will be going forward, but it almost doesn’t matter. What matters is not matter. The peace, unity, love, community, hope, faith, compassion, and power I experienced last night helped me to see this cancer diagnosis as one of the greatest gifts i have ever received.

Diet

These are my daily treatments at this point in time:

  • Protandim first thing in the morning.
  • Chia Seed, flax meal, Moringa mixed with alkaline water
  • Apex nano-silver in the morning and evening
  • Fresh juiced kale, cucumber, carrot, beet, celery, and granny smith apple mixed with spirulina
  • a quart of Trader Joe’s organic carrot juice consumed throughout the day
  • Oatmeal with flax seed oil, walnuts, honey, and dates
  • Mangosteen juice in the morning and evening.
  • Cod Liver Oil for vitamin D3
  • mostly raw organic vegetarian food throughout the day
  • nuts for protein
  • about 3/4 gallon of 10.0 Kangen water throughout the day

Exercise

Took it easy today after the ceremony, but I felt a lot of energy. Wasn’t tired walking up stairs or running errands.

Relationships

So many relationships with the incarnate and disincarnate were nurtured today. I can’t even begin to understand or remember how much peace and unity I experienced with individuals and collectives today.

Spirituality

Delving deep into all the different doorways to spirit. Overall, I’m grateful to be alive in this manifestation at this present moment, right here, right now. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Kūkae (BM)

I kept a log of kûkae today. I’m using this to monitor my health, not for blog readers. 🙂

6:20 AM Little blood and sediment followed by large BM

9:40 AM Large BM with little to no blood

3:45 PM little blood with small BM

5:45 blood and sediment

1 AMish After ceremony I had a large amount of sediment pass with blood

Definitely noticing less blood, more regular bowel movements, and more sediment with not as much blood.