Poor Students or Poor System

Both my sons got their first semester report cards last week. They are only in the 5th and 2nd grade, so I don’t pay too much attention to these evaluations.

Unfortunately, both boys are below grade level. Fox, the younger son, had more minus signs than average or plus signs. Jett, the older one, had more 2s than 3s or 4s. A 2 means “developing,” while a 3 means “proficient.”

I take responsibility for these low marks. I want my sons to have fun while they are kids. We don’t stress too much over homework. We spend more time outdoors than in the library.

In the comments, both my sons’ teachers used the word “struggling.” I’m still not too concerned because I was a teacher, and I know when the time comes, I can easily bring them up to par.

Another word that both teachers used was “kind.” “Jett is very kind to his fellow classmates.” “Fox is a kind, considerate, and curious student, well liked by everyone.”

At first I was upset that my sons were so far behind in school, but upon further reflection, I was grateful that they are both kind boys.

I’ve always said that I would rather my sons be kind and compassionate than smart, academic, athletic, or “successful.” I was a very smart kid. I graduated magna cum laude and did well in graduate school. I landed a cushy job as and was making more money than I could shake a stick at. But I was not kind. And my lack of compassion poisoned all of my accomplishments.

In the span of three years, I was unemployed, on the verge of divorce, and diagnosed with cancer. I had to learn the hard way that “compassion protects you more than guns, bombs, or money.” (Thich Nhat Hahn)

I have no idea how my sons will perform in school at the higher levels, but I do know that armed with kindness and compassion it won’t really matter where they land in the world. They will be OK.

What would you like to score high in on the report card of life?

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Cultivating Compassion One Breath at a Time

Watching men in high positions fall like autumn leaves has inspired me to start a daily compassion practice. I have no doubt that if these men had more compassion and empathy, they would not assault women. I don’t want my sons to become highly “successful” only to fall from grace from a lack of compassion.

Dacher Keltner at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center discovered that there isn’t a universal look of compassion, but there is a universal sound of compassion. People around the world make the same sound when they sympathize with the suffering of others—“Aaawwwwhhhhh.:

Moreover, modern research reveals that making this sound stimulates the vagus nerve which lowers inflammation in the body and leads to more pro-social behavior. The vagus nerve runs from most of the major organs in the body to the brain stem. It also runs through the vocal chords and the inner ear.

Making the “aaawwwhhh” sound stimulates the larynx and the inner ear and, thus, the vagus nerve. In addition, Stephen Porges found that when our exhale is longer than our inhale, we also stimulate the vagus nerve and feel more connected with other.

So I am setting a goal of saying “aaawwwwhhh” as many times a day as possible. When I am stuck in traffic, I say “aaawwwhhh.” When my sons start to whine about how they only get to play 2 hours of video games, I reply, “aaaawwwhhh.” Every time I hear a news story about men committing heartless acts, I say, “aaawwwhhhh” for them, for myself, for men in general, and for the victims.

When my aunties in Hawaii would see someone do something harmful, they would make the universal sound of compassion and say, “poor ting.” They felt sorry for individuals who were so disconnected with aloha (love) that they felt the need to cause conflict with others. In essence, my aunties were saying, “Awwwhhhh, poor thing has no aloha.”

Every time I make the universal sound of compassion, I feel warm vibrations resonate through my body. I feel grateful to connect with others through suffering. Everyone becomes my family regardless of what they look like or what they have done.

So grateful for this simple practice.

What daily practices do you do to connect with others?

Aloha Healing 12/17/2015

 

 

‘Ole Kû Lua
Makali’i 17

 I have been getting Healing Touch treatments at Stanford Cancer Center every Monday. A volunteer named Beth Orlando gives me an hour energetic healing that is very similar to reiki.

After almost every one of these sessions, I have had some pretty consistent bleeding.

     I have a feeling that these sessions are moving energy that is causing my body to reject the tumor which leads to bleeding.

     I am so grateful to Beth for her self-less service and for Stanford Cancer Center for offering an alternative treatment like Healing Touch for free. Beth tells me that Stanford has a whole training program for volunteers interested in healing touch.

     Great to see an allopathic, well-known medical center like Stanford implementing alternative treatments as a part of their healing protocol.

Diet

     I’ve been eating quite a bit of legumes and cooked vegetables lately since the weather has been so cold. Somehow a cold salad just doesn’t feel right when it is 40 degrees outside.

     One of my favorite meals is a copy-cat of the Chipotle salad complete with grilled red and green peppers and onions, guacamole, black beans, and honey vinaigrette.

    I’ve also been adding pomegranate to my morning vegetable juice. It adds a tangy sweetness and is supposedly good for breaking down tumors.

Exercise

     It has been harder and harder to get outside to do my Aloha movements since there is frost on the rooftops most mornings. I am sleeping longer, perhaps in a semi-hibernation mode.

Relationships

     I had an amazing men’s group where the other members helped me see how I’m still angry/sad about Thanksgiving. It boils down to being hurt that my family isn’t supporting me in ways I expected.

      At one point, I realized that most people aren’t well versed or practicing holding space for others. Our men’s group practices non-judgmental, empathic, compassionate listening every other week. To expect that from my family is asking a lot.

 

I am so grateful for the men’s group, Awakin Circles, Service Space, and this blog for all the empathy, compassion, connection, and love they [You all} generously offer.

Spirituality

Woke up the other morning and told 5 year old Fox that I had to go do my prayers.

“Why can’t I do the prayers with you,” asked Fox.

At first, I thought it was too cold to take him outside, but then I decided to just do the prayers indoors with him.

We stood in front of the Christmas tree and did the whole set of prayers in unison including Hawaiian chants, St. Francis prayer, Ho’oponopono prayers, and the Aloha chant.

It was adorable to watch Fox sing “Ua mau ke ea o ka ‘âina I ka pono” while bowing.

At Awakin Circle last night, Harshida Aunty shared that sometimes she feels she should go outside to be in the beauty of nature. Then she will look out a window and see a butterfly.

“Beauty is everywhere,” said Harshida with a smile.

It felt so refreshing and powerful to do prayers indoors with a 5 year old child.

________

At the same Awakin Circle, Birju shared how he spoke to an indigenous elder who was at the Paris Climate Change talks. The elder said that the only thing that is going to fix climate change is love. Modern man (I specify gender intentionally here) has lost touch with loving the land.

In Hawaii, they live “Aloha ‘Āina” which means love of the land. The indigenous elder reminds me of Auntie Pîlahi Pâkî standing in front of the 1970 governor’s conference saying, “…in the next millennium the world will turn to Hawai’i in its search for world peace because Hawai’i has the key…and that key is Aloha.”

I also thought about those Hawaiian protesters who are picketing the construction of the 10 meter telescope on Mauna Kea. They chant, “Ku Kia’i Mauna” which roughly translates to “stand guard of the mountain.”

A Native American elder once told me, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for everything.”

The message is clear. Start loving the earth, land, gia at all costs.

Kūkae (BM)

12/2 Wednesday

7:30 AM BS small BM

8:30 AM BS Large BM

3:30 PM BS small BM

5:45 PM BS

6:30 PM BS

12/3 Thursday

2 AM BS lots

7 AM BS lots BM med

9 AM Med BM Small BS

6 PM BS small BM

8 PM BS lots Med BM

10:40 PM BS

12/4 Friday
6:40 AM BS

8:30 AM BS Med BM

12 PM BS small BM

6 PM BS small BM

9 AM BS

10 AM BS

12/5 Saturday

6:30 AM Large BM little BS

8 AM Large BM

1 PM BS

3:30 pm bs

10 pm bs

12/6 Sunday

7 AM BS

9 AM XLRG BM Little BS

12 PM Small BM brown wet

2 PM tiny BS

8 PM little BS brown

9:30 PM Lots of BS

12/7 Monday

2 AM Lots BS

6:30 AM BS

7 AM BS

8:30 AM Med BM BS

11 AM Lrg BM

3 PM BS small BM after healing touch

7 PM lots of BS

8 PM BS

9 PM BS

11 PM Lots BS

12/8 Tuesday

3:30 AM BS

7 AM BS

8 AM BS med BM

8:40 AM Med BM

3:20 PM BS small BM

7:30 PM Lots of BS

10 PM BS

11 PM BS

12/9 Wednesday

3:30 AM BS

7 AM BS small BM

8:30 AM Lrg BM

3 PM tiny BS

7 PM BS

10:30 PM BS

11:30 PM BS

12/10 Thursday

7 AM BS med BM

9:30 AM Huge BM tiny BS

5 PM BS

7:30 PM BS

9:30 PM BS

12/11 Friday

2 AM BS

6 AM BS

7:30 AM BS

8:30 AM Large BM little B

12 PM Large BM

4 PM Large BM

7 PM BS

12/12 Saturday

3:30 AM BS

7 AM tiny BS

9 AM small BM tiny BS

11:30 AM Small BM little B

12/13 Sunday

12 AM BS

2:30 AM BS

7:30 AM BS

9:30 AM Large BM

1:30 PM small brown S

7:30 PM BS med BM

12/14 Monday

12 AM S+little B

5 AM S+little B

7 AM S+little B+XL BM

11:30 AM BS small BM

6 PM tiny S

7 PM BS small BM

9:30 PM BS small BM

12/15 Tuesday

1 AM BS

7 AM small BM

9 AM Large BM little B

4:30 PM Med BM BS

5 PM BS

7 PM BS

9 PM BS

11 PM BS

12/16 Wednesday

1:30 AM BS

6:30 AM BS small BM

9 AM BS

12 PM BS

5 PM  BS

6 PM BS

11 PM BS

1 AM BS

8 AM BS

8:30 AM BS med BM

9:30 AM Med BM

12 PM Med BM

Aloha Healings 11/18/2015

 ‘Ole Kû Kolu
Welehu 18

We took the boys to the beach the other weekend. Beautiful, warm fall day with no crowds. While watching the surfers, thoughts of jealousy arose. “I could have surfed that wave better.” “Why are claiming that wave, you didn’t do anything?”

I realized that these thoughts were spoiling a beautiful day with my family. Just then, I saw my youngest son running up the beach away from a breaking wave, screaming his lungs out with joy. I couldn’t help but smile.

I decided to step into sympathetic joy with everyone and everything around me. I felt the freedom and thrill of the seagulls skimming the water. I experienced the beginner’s mind of surfers learning how to stand up and turn their longboards. Suddenly, everything became a launching pad for joy and excitement.

Later, I made an intention to only have two responses to any interaction with another sentient being–sympathetic joy or compassion.

I have been practicing this new form of relationship with others for over a week now, and I am amazed at how wonderful, peaceful, and intimate life has become. When someone is rude to me, I step into compassion for their suffering. When someone is overjoyed, I share their jubilation. I can’t think of a better way to go through life.

I noticed that our shitzu, Skye, lives life like this. When one of my sons is crying or whining, Skye howls sympathetically. When we are laughing or excited, Skye barks or runs around in circles feeding off our joy.

Skye reminds me of a poem that has been circulating around mindfulness circles:

If you can sit quietly after difficult news…

If in financial downturns you remain perfectly calm…

If you see your neighbors travel to favorite places without a tinge of jealousy…

If you can happily eat whatever is put on your plate…

If you can love everyone around you unconditionally…

If you can always find contentment just where you are…

You are probably..

A dog.

Diet

Been really enjoying the combinations of veggies that I have been experimenting with. I bought some sauerkraut and made some veggie fajita and sauerkraut sushi the other day. I also made some yummy kale, red pepper, and black bean quinoa that I wrapped in lettuce leaves.

Exercise

Everyday I seem to be getting stronger and stronger. In my morning movements I do a kind of chair pose called “punahou” (young spring). I have been holding this pose longer and longer every week.

A friend gave me a hug over the weekend and said that even though I haven’t gained any weight, my body has a different “texture.” He said that when I first started the juicing, fasting, and eating an all-vegetable diet, he got frightened when he hugged me because I was so skinny and frail. Now he feels strength and health when he hugs me.

Relationships

Practicing mudita (sympathetic joy) and karunâ (compassion) has done wonder for all my relationships. Even while listening to the breaking reports about the terrorist attacks in Paris, all I could feel was compassion for both the victims and the attackers.

Spirituality

Had an interesting moment when I saw lots of tiny stars all around while sitting in the break room at work. My father-in-law said that is what chi looks like, but I’ve never experienced it indoors before.

Kūkae (BM)

11/7

7:30 AM Extra large BM (maybe biggest ever) BS

11 AM Med/Small BM

4:30 PM Small BM BS brown

6 PM BS

8 PM small BM BS

11/8

12 AM tiny BS

6:30 AM BS

9:10 AM Small BM BS

10 AM Tiny BS

12 PM Tiny BS

6:30 PM BS

8 PM BS Small BM

9 PM BS

11/9

1 AM BS

6:30 PM BS Small BM

8 AM Large BM BS

10 AM Large BM little B

1 PM Med BM BS

5 PM BS

6 PM BS

11/10

6:30 AM Blood and sediment with small BM

7:30 AM Large BM BS

9 AM Large BM

2:20 PM Blood

6:30 PM BS

7:30 PM Blood and Sediment.with small BM

11/11

Lost data card

11/12

6 AM BS Large BM

8:30 AM Watery small BM

6 PM BS

9:00 PM BS

11/13

7 AM Tiny BS Med/Lrg BM

8:40 AM BS brown

9:30 AM BS brown

4 PM BS

7 PM BS

11/14

8:40 AM Med BM

1 PM Med BM

6 PM small BM BS

8 PM BS

9:30 PM BS

11/15

6:30 AM BS Small BM

7:30 AM BS Small BM

5:20 PM BS

9:30 PM BS Small BM

11/16

6 AM tiny BS Med BM

8 AM Lrg BM

10:11 AM Med BM

12:45 PM Med/Lrg BM tiny B

2 PM Small BM

3:30 PM Small/Med BM

7 PM BS

10 PM BS

11 PM BS

11/17

1 AM BS

6:15 AM BS

7:15 AM BS Large BM

9:10 AM Small/Med BM Little BS

6:30 PM BS

7:30 PM BS

8:30 PM BS

10 PM BS

11/18

3:30 AM BS

6:30 AM Tiny BS Large BM

7 AM Large BM

8:30 AM Small BM

9 AM Sm/Med BM

9:40 AM Small BM

3:20 PM tiny tiny sediment

8 PM BS

9 PM BS

Change Yourself. Change the World.

Many of you know that a lot of my blog posts this past year were inspired by the year-long training I completed at Interchange Counseling Institute. Although I am a professional counselor, I would like to encourage “anyone with a face” to enroll in this program.

In essence we are all counselors. If you have a friend, a lover, a family, or co-workers, then you are often in the role of a counselor.

image by Don Courage

Last year I took a day-long introductory class at Interchange and a spunky Asian woman who had completed the year-long program told me, “Kozo, I’m not a counselor, but Interchange is the best thing I have ever done for my life. My whole life is better because of Interchange.”

I signed up immediately, and after finishing the program, I have to agree. The wisdom, healing, growth, and experience gained at Interchange have and will significantly change every interaction I have with others for the rest of my life.

Here are my top five reasons to sign up for Interchange Counseling Institute Now:

 

 

1)     Learn to love

Have you ever been taught to love? Most of us have had to figure it out the hard way. Many of us still struggle to love and receive love in our lives. This is something that we are never taught in school, work, or the family—at least, not explicitly.

Interchange explicitly teaches you how to love:

• How to love your loved ones
• How to love yourself
• How to love others, even strangers
• How to receive love and know when you have received it
• How to express love beyond the socially conditioned roles we are trapped in

In my opinion, everyone needs to take a course on love. Some get it at church, others through couple’s counseling, but only Interchange covers all aspects of love and how to do it.

2)     You will see magic before your very eyes

The leader of Interchange is a man named Steve Bearman. He is a teacher, healer, wise man, and shaman. I know this sounds odd, but Steve works magic. Every Interchange weekend, he calls people up on stage and within minutes they are sobbing, healing, or exposing themselves.

This would be almost cultish, except then Steve teaches everyone in the audience how to do what he just did. We then pair up and make deep connections that heal painful wounds and open us to a whole new world of love and acceptance.

People think magic only happens in special places with magical people, but magic can happen every day with anyone you come in contact with. You can offer someone a safe space to be themselves by your smile and lack of judgment. You can change the life of your child or your parent with a consistent dose of hugs.

Interchange will make you not only believe in magic, but learn to wield it.

 

3)     You might never get the chance to do this in the future

There is a story about an old sadhu who met the Buddha in a marketplace. “Teach me,” said the old sadhu.

“This is not the time or place. Come to my dwelling later in the afternoon, and I will teach you,” replied the Buddha.

“No. Teach me now. What if I die before this afternoon? What if you die? What if the confidence I have in you right now disappears? Teach me now,” insisted the old man.

The Buddha sat him by the side of the road and within minutes the old sadhu became enlightened.

I’m not saying that Steve Bearman is the Buddha, but he is an amazing teacher. This might be the last year he decides to do Interchange. Or he might get so big that you might have to do Interchange online in the future.

I met a woman who hugged the guru Amma 21 years ago in a small room in Palo Alto with just 70 other people. Last month, I “donated” my chance to hug Amma because 2000 people had come to see her at Stanford University.

Right now, you have the chance to spend some quality time with Steve Bearman at Interchange. In the past few years, Interchange has grown, mainly by word of mouth, from 20 people to 150. Who knows what it will be like in the future.

Steve got to know all 150 of us this year. We had opportunities to counsel with him, hug him, dance with him, and cry with him. I’m not sure if this will be possible in the future.

4)     World Peace

The motto of Interchange is “Change Yourself. Change the World.” I couldn’t agree more. You know that I am a strong advocate for peace. Bloggers for Peace is my attempt to bring world peace into reality.

I can honestly say that I am a more peaceful person after Interchange. I spread more peace. I live more peacefully. Something about the teaching, community, and support one gets at Interchange transforms us into agents of peace.

As many bloggers for peace have attested, if we really want world peace, we have to create peace in ourselves. Interchange cultivates that inner peace.

5)     Free stuff

Books: When you sign up for Interchange, you get a lot of bang for your buck. On the first weekend, you will be handed a bag full of books that will change your life.

Some of the books you may have never heard of, like Radical Honesty, Unconditional Parenting, or Riding the Horse Backward. Other authors might be more familiar like Krishnamurti, Marshall Rosenberg, or Martin Seligman. Either way, these books will change who you are and how you think.

Counseling: You will also be required to do 50 hours of either counseling or clienting. This is powerful. Going rates for psychotherapy are $125-$175/hour. I have to say that the counseling I received at Interchange had much deeper, long lasting effects than any other counseling I’ve had in the past. You might also be chosen to be counseled by Steve on stage which is priceless.

Touch: At every Interchange weekend, you will be encouraged and gifted with free massages, hugs, hand holding, or cuddling. Some of you may be resistant to this, which is exactly why you need to go.

Humans are social animals who need nurturing touch. Our society prohibits much of this touch due to fear of inappropriate touch, homosexuality, and neediness. Thus, in our touch deprived society, many of us don’t get to be fully human.

Interchange will help you get in contact with all aspects of your humanity and feel good about doing it.

Obviously, I’m one satisfied customer, but I’m more than that. I’m an advocate of change and peace. I truly believe that Interchange will transform you and our world in positive ways. Sign up now.

In full disclosure, if you sign up for the Interchange Year-long Program and mention my name, I will receive a finder’s fee. If you feel uncomfortable about this, don’t mention my name, but by all means, SIGN UP NOW.

Monthly Peace Challenge: We Are Family

To help inspire the Bloggers for Peace (B4Peace), we will have a Monthly Peace Challenge. To participate, tag your post with B4Peace and make sure you copy your URL to the Linkz collection. Anyone who completes all twelve Monthly Peace Challenges in 2014 will receive a Free B4Peace T-shirt. Yes, I’ve decided to offer the second annual Bloggers for Peace T-shirt as a prize. I envision a day when we will all gather for a Bloggers for Peace Conference donning our various Bloggers for Peace T-shirts.

We’ve been blogging for peace for over a year, so I’m going to push you with this challenge. This month, I want you to focus on your family. Is there anyone you don’t fully embrace in your family? Do you feel resentment, shame, or anger towards someone blood-related?

Yep, I went there. Let’s deal with it. This months challenge is to make peace in yourself with someone close to you. Here are some suggestions:

• Write a letter to someone that begins “I resent…” Explain exactly how you feel about this resentment in this letter. Let your anger out if you have any. Release all the negative energy surrounding this person. Sending the letter or reading the letter out loud to the person is optional.
• Write a letter confessing all the secrets you have been withholding from someone close. Check out a book called Radical Honesty for examples. You might also want to listen to some Byron Katie CDs to find the courage to do this “work.”
• Write a love letter to someone in your family who you can’t seem to connect with. Tell them all the wonderful things that they have brought into your life. What events do you remember that you enjoyed with them?
• Describe an event from more than one perspective where someone caused you misery.
• Tell a story about a family event that included “necessary suffering” and healing/forgiveness.

Don’t forget to link to at least one other B4Peace post and add your post to the Linkz collection. Here is how:

• Copy your URL to the Linkz collection. You’ll find the link below. It’s the drunk blue frog smiling for peace. Click on it and follow directions.
• Go visit this site to read and comment on other posts related to this Monthly Peace Challenge.

Last Chance for 2013 Bloggers for Peace T-shirt

Everyone who completed all the 2013 Monthly Peace Challenges make sure you email me your shirt size, blog name, and address to everydaygurus@gmail.com by February 15, 2014. I want to place the order for t-shirts. Once I place the order, you cannot receive your free t-shirt if you did not email me. Thank you.

Unrequited Love–Unfulfilling Sex

The amazing Rarasaur is hosting the Weekly Writing Challenge at WordPress with this prompt:

This week, we’re asking you to consider things from a different point of view — to walk a mile in someone’s shoes. Leave your moccasins and bunny slippers at the door, and tell us a tale from a fully-immersed perspective that is not your own.

Rara also did an interview at You’ve Been Hooked where she advises us to “be brave” in order to be a successful blogger. So here is my brave submission to the Weekly Writing Challenge. This is me empathizing with two young lovers.

Him	Her
Man, she’s hot. I’d like to have her for one night.	He’s cute. I’d love to get to know him better over the next few months.
The boys will think I’m a stud if I had sex with her.	The girls will be so jealous if he were my boyfriend.
She seems kind. Maybe she won’t ridicule me if I mess up in bed.	He seems kind. Maybe he will treat me well.
If I tell her I love her, maybe she will sleep with me.	He said he loved me. I must be special.
She looked in my eyes. I hope she didn’t see the real me.	He looked into my eyes. I hope he sees the real me.
I’m naked. I wonder if she thinks I’m too small.	I’m naked. I wonder if he thinks I’m too big.
Since I can’t get love, I’ll settle for an orgasm.	Since I can’t orgasm, I’ll settle for a little love.
Did I come too soon?	Was I too innocent/dirty/wild/demure/loud/quiet?
I wonder if she liked it?	I hope he liked it?
I hope no one finds out about this.	I hope no one finds out about this.
I feel so inadequate. I gotta get out of here.	He is leaving. Was I inadequate?
Why do I keep doing this?	Why do I keep doing this?
I’m such an idiot.	I’m such an idiot.
Will I ever find someone to love me?	Will I ever find someone to love?

I really want to know what you think of this post. Do you find sex confusing? Are you unable to empathize with the opposite sex about sex? Is my portrayal completely off base? Please Share.

Other entries from Rara’s Challenge:

On the River: http://teepee12.com/2014/01/28/on-the-river/

Inside the Head of a Sporadic Three Year Old: http://onesahmscrazylife.wordpress.com/2014/01/27/inside-the-head-of-a-sporadic-three-year-old/

Fifteen Year Old Me is Disgusted: http://thecheesewhines.wordpress.com/2014/01/27/fifteen-year-old-me-is-disgusted/

How Many Time Do I Have To Tell You

Lessons on Humanity from a Three Six Year Old

As a parent, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said:

“How many times do I have to tell you…”

Six year old Jett was upset because he had to re-do his homework.

“How many time do I have to tell you that if you do it neatly the first time, you won’t have to re-do it.”

Finally, he got so upset that he threw the pencil and eraser off the desk. I sat calmly and said, “I guess that means no iPad.”

This pushed him over the edge. He started screaming. So I sat down at my desk and started reading blogs. He walked over to me and screamed in my face.

“You better back off, because you are getting Daddy angry,” I said in a calm, but firm voice.

“You hurt my feelings,” he screamed.

“How did I hurt your feelings? I didn’t hurt your feelings; I just tried to get you to do your homework.”

“You ignored me,” he screamed.

“I didn’t ignore you. I just walked away when you started screaming.”

“You were rude to me,” the screams were getting louder.

“YOU WERE RUDE to ME. Don’t you understand that screaming in someone’s face is rude?”

“YOU ARE BEING RUDE TO ME RIGHT NOW!” he yelled as he “stood with fists.”

Suddenly, I flashed back to a post that I published less than 24 hours prior to this argument. In the post, I waxed how Jett’s 3 year old brother taught me to “apologize quickly, even if you were not at fault” and “let others know when they have hurt you.”

My Teachers

Jett was letting me know that I had hurt him, yet I was refusing to apologize. Three year old Fox was taking a bath right next to the office Jett and I were arguing in. I could hear his thoughts, “How many times do I have to tell you to walk the walk, Mr. Talk-the-Talk?”

I grabbed Jett and pressed his heart next to mine. “I’m sorry that I was rude to you. Thank you for telling me how you felt. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. I’m sorry I ignored you.”

Jett’s body softened like a stuffed animal. I could feel his heart embracing mine.

“Let’s finish this homework, so you can have some iPad time, OK?”

“OK, Daddy.”

Lessons learned:

• Calm and collected are not the same as caring and attentive
• If I want my boys to be compassionate, I have to honor their feelings even if I don’t understand or agree with them.
• We all need to be reminded of lessons over and over
• Heart to heart is the best medicine/discipline for raising kids

Lesson on Being Human from a 3 Year Old

I know it is a cliche to say that we learn as much from our children as they learn from us, but 3 year old Fox is different. From a very early age, we called him the “Little Buddha,” not just because he looked like a Buddha–large forehead, big long ears, and long half-open/half-closed eyes, but also because he would just sit calmly and contently for long periods of time.

I can honestly say that I have learned as much from this little soul as I have from any enlightened master. Here are a few highlights:

Beautiful Blogger Quotation: Geo Sans

Geo Sans is an amazing poet/blogger. Check out his poetry here: http://geosans.wordpress.com/

The best thing about being Blog friends with Geo Sans is that he comments on your posts with poetry. How amazing is that? This was a comment to “Letter to My Enemy Within” post for the Monthly Peace Challenge. I see this poem as a recipe for love and happiness. Thank you, Geo Sans.

This post is part of BBQ—Beautiful Blog Quotations.

Feel free to join the fun.

• Take a quotation from a favorite blogger
• Create a BBQ post with the quotation
• Link back to the blogger you quoted
• Tag your post BBQLUV
• Link to other BBQLUV posts (optional)

Related articles

• A Peppered BBQ (rarasaur.wordpress.com)