My Three Healers

When the patient is ready, a healer will appear.

Although I have an oncologist, surgeon, and radiologist on my medical team, most of the healing seems to be going on outside of conventional medicine. The oncologist wants to put me on what is called “palliative chemo,” which is not intended to cure the cancer; instead, the chemo just makes your life less painful as you die.

So I turned to other forms of healing. A friend from meditation referred me to Dr. Tom, an energy healer. Dr. Tom, a former engineer, has a straight forward manner and approach to healing. “You can live 20-30 more years, Kozo. It is all up to you–how you control your emotions.” Always smiling, Dr. Tom advocates the power of positivity. Stress causes inflammation which causes dis-ease including cancer. Positive thoughts release dopamine and other hormones which reduce inflammation. Negative thoughts and emotions release cortisol which leads to stress>inflammation. It is so simple…until I tried to control my thoughts and emotions.

Amazingly, since working with Dr. Tom, I have become acutely aware of when cortisol is released in my body. This allows me to “check myself, before I wreck myself.” I thought I caused the heightened awareness, until Dr. Tom said, “I am increasing your ability to sense stress with the energy I am sending.”

Dr. Tom calls me on Facetime, asks a few questions, then hangs up and “works on me.” One week, I experienced debilitating pain at the surgical site. After I told Dr. Tom, I hung up and laid down. Within a few minutes, I was asleep. When I woke up, he called back, “How are you doing now?” he asked. “I have no pain,” I replied in amazement.

John Lavack is another energy healer I am working with. A student of the Bengston method of energy healing, John has an 80% success rate with cancer patients. Although John practices the cycling technique of Bengston, he also has his own methodology of healing. As soon as he started working with me, he noticed a dark cloud of sadness, resignation, and grief in my peritoneal area.

the-energy-cure

I had always considered myself an optimistic, happy, positive person. But John uncovered some grief and sadness that I wasn’t even aware of. As I allowed myself to grieve, sometimes for things I didn’t even understand, this cloud in my guts began to disperse. I realize now that I was living out the phrase “tears of a clown.” Although I offered the world a smiling, positive facade, deep down I had sorrow in my heart (and guts). “You’re getting suspiciously happier, Kozo,” remarked John during my last session.

Last but not least is Dr. Cynthia Li. A few months ago, I was tapped to host an Awakin Call with a doctor named Cynthia Li, who is trained in functional medicine, acupuncture, qigong, and intuitive medicine. The day before the call, I caught a docuseries about Radical Remissions. One of the featured patients was Cynthia Li! Cynthia had been through a near death experience with an autoimmune illness, which she documents in her book Brave New Medicine.

I felt deeply connected with Cynthia on the Awakin Call, but when some audience members asked how they could become her patient, she said that she wasn’t taking any patients at this time.

A few weeks later, I had COVID-19-like symptoms. My boss, Michael Lerner, who is a close personal friend of Cynthia, called her and asked her to take me on as a patient. A few minutes later, Cynthia texted me and said that she would call me later that afternoon.

Just before the scheduled call time, Cynthia texted and said she needed 25 more minutes to meditate and scan my body. When we finally met, she said that her intuition told her that the illness I was experiencing wasn’t viral, but bacterial. She prescribed antibiotics.

“I haven’t taken antibiotics in 25 years,” I protested.

“Let me check with my intuition again,” replied Cynthia closing her eyes and moving her lips.

“My intuition says that this will really help you, but you don’t have to take them if you don’t want to,” she said.

I ended up taking the antibiotics and I was on my feet feeling great in less than a day. Not only that but my neuropathy was better.

In her book, Cynthia talks about contracting Epstein-Barr virus (EBV) her second year of residency. After 3 months, she recovered. But “the reality was, after acute mono resolves, EBV hibernates in white blood cells…when the immune system becomes suppressed or dysfunctional (like from chronic stress, shift work, nutritional deficiencies, or gut inflammation), viruses like EBV can rise up and throw a ‘reactivation’ party” (192).

Earlier this year in March, I went to the emergency room for a horrible flu. After testing negative for Influenza, the doctors assumed I had COVID-19, but that test came back negative. I was bedridden for a whole week.

“That first bout was likely bacterial too,” Cynthia surmised.

The bacterial infection was taxing my body, which inhibited it from fighting the cancer, kind of like a cascade effect. Cynthia’s intuition helped heal not only the respiratory illness, but perhaps some deeper issues that were affecting my overall health.

She also intuited that I was low in minerals like selenium and zinc, which I had been taking the first time I had cancer, but stopped after I had my tumor surgically removed.

“Usually, I prescribe magnesium with selenium and zinc, but with you I’m not getting a hit for magnesium,” queried Cynthia.

Later, when I told her that my right kidney was only 2% functional, she said, “That is why I didn’t get a hit for magnesium, because magnesium can cause kidney problems.”

This amazing process of using her intuition, then checking it with her medical knowledge guides Cynthia to some of the most novel and effective treatments.

Cynthia also got me doing one and a half hours of qigong a day. When I protested that this was too much, Cynthia replied, “In the qigong hospitals, patients do this for 4-6 hours a day.” I have been doing the practices for about a week now, and my neuropathy pain is lower and my energy is substantially higher.

I am so grateful for these healers for all they are doing to improve not only my health, but also my life and relationships.

“Earth School”

Spent the last few nights with Gary Zukav and Linda Francis. So grateful for their dedication to the path.

Books_The_Seat_ofthe_SoulAlthough Gary has been on Oprah 37 times, he is one of the most humble, vulnerable, and authentic men I have ever met.

A few pieces of wisdom really resonated with me.

First, Gary said that at one point in his life he was afraid of being afraid. He said the clinical term for this is “macho.” I realized how much of my life I overcompensated for being afraid—afraid of being alone, afraid of my emotions, afraid of not being good enough.

Next, Gary and Linda said there are only two intentions—one that comes from love and one that comes from fear. Other intentions they referred to as “out-tensions.” When deciding on any course of action, they ask themselves if they are coming from love or fear.

This reminded me of a conversation we had with a Hawaiian elder named Manulani Aluli Meyer. She said, “When love is at the center, ego isn’t.”

Manu continues, “We are dedicated to the purpose of what love means in this lifetime. And it must start within your own practices and your own commitments and your own deeds. That is why I love Shakespeare’s quotation when he said, ‘By my actions teach my mind’. I love that because it is not by our talk or by our words, it is by our actions. So that is a very cultural statement. Basically, stop talking, start doing. And when you are doing in the vibrancy of what aloha is, then there is a healing on the planet.”

As a grandson of a Hawaiian man, I have the kuleana (responsibility) to dedicate my life to “what love means in this life time.” My purpose is to be aloha. To be pono (righteous).

I often ask my sons, “Are you being pono (righteous) or pilikia (troublesome)?” This is similar to Gary and Linda’s practice of questioning whether they are coming from love or fear.

Lastly, both Gary and Linda refer to this life as “earth school.” We are souls here to learn. I love that view of life.

During one circle, I felt obliged to share a talk I had with my cousin. I was telling him how I was a compassionate boy when I was young. I remember crying while watching Laura Ingals on Little House on the Prairie.

Then my step-father entered my life and started whipping me with a leather belt when I was 5 years old. Talking to my cousin, I was furious that I didn’t have a choice in this monumental event in my life.

After 12 years of abuse, I turned into a cruel and angry adolescent who lacked compassion. This lack of compassion torpedoed my life. I lost lovers, friends, and jobs. After I hit rock bottom, I dedicated myself to becoming a compassionate man and raising compassionate boys.

But it was/is a process. On the phone with my cousin, I simultaneously grieved the innocence of that 4 year old compassionate boy and raged at the injustice that he was forced to suffer.

Then I was struck with a vision. I saw my soul floating above the earth plane before I was born. My soul could see my whole life laid out before it. And then…it CHOSE to incarnate into this life.

I chose physical abuse. I chose cancer. I chose unemployment. I chose all these things because I knew that they would bring me to the awakening I am experiencing right now.

I thanked Gary and Linda for the term “earth school,” because I now realize that I chose my own curriculum. Of all the classes available, I chose Physical Abuse 101, Introduction to Cancer, Financial Hardship 2B, Mediation 100, Advanced Surfing, Intro to Kapu Aloha, and the Noble Friends Seminar.

After this realization, I no longer blame others for what is happening in my life. I don’t blame my step-father for using corporal punishment. I don’t blame my mom for choosing to marry my step-father. I don’t blame my biological father for choosing to go back for a second tour of duty in Vietnam from which he never returned. I don’t even blame myself for all the trespasses I have committed.

When there is no one left to blame, we can only love. Love everyone. Love everything. I hope this new path helps me do “in the vibrancy of what aloha is” and heals the planet.

Who are some of your influential spiritual teachers? What realizations have shaped your life?

 

 

Book Release Party Free Download

Kozo Book cover 4c

I’ve just published my first book, The Healing Grace of Cancer. I am so grateful for all of you who have walked this healing journey with me. Please accept this humble offering: for the next five days, starting on Christmas, you can download a free copy of the book  here.

You are my writing tribe, so feel free to offer critiques or constructive criticism.

Wishing all of you a peace-filled and joyful holiday season.

With Aloha, Kozo

 

Cancer Free at Last

IMG_3063

Free at last, Free at Last, Thank God almighty we are free at last.”—Martin Luther King Jr.

After two and a half years since diagnosed with Stage 2 colorectal cancer, I’m cancer free. I don’t mean that I don’t have any cancer in my body, because we all have cancerous cells in our bodies. I mean cancer has set me free.

Cancer showed me how to embrace and bless everything that life has to offer. This freedom to love all that arises has made all the difference. Nowadays, when I hear myself saying, “God Dammit!” I immediately stop and say, “God Bless It!” because I know that everything is a blessing.

Pierre Pradervand, author of The Gentle Art of Blessing, said it best:

“When something goes completely askew in your day, some unexpected event knocks down your plans and you too also, burst into blessing: for life is teaching you a lesson, and the very event you believe to be unwanted, you yourself called forth, so as to learn the lesson you might balk against were you not to bless it. Trials are blessings in disguise, and hosts of angels follow in their path.”

I see now that I “called forth” cancer to teach me deep lessons. Cancer revealed to me the “hosts of angels” both visible and invisible that are available at any moment. From my Hawaiian Grandfather, who died of lung cancer over 20 years ago, to members of my meditation circle and men’s group to my two Shi Tzu dogs lying on the couch as I type, the world is full of angels to guide us, help us, and love us through thick and thin.

It is so amazing to be back—as a father, a blogger, a human being. I have so much to share with you. Stay tuned.

 

Aloha Healing 12/17/2015

 

 

‘Ole Kû Lua
Makali’i 17

 I have been getting Healing Touch treatments at Stanford Cancer Center every Monday. A volunteer named Beth Orlando gives me an hour energetic healing that is very similar to reiki.
After almost every one of these sessions, I have had some pretty consistent bleeding.
     I have a feeling that these sessions are moving energy that is causing my body to reject the tumor which leads to bleeding.
     I am so grateful to Beth for her self-less service and for Stanford Cancer Center for offering an alternative treatment like Healing Touch for free. Beth tells me that Stanford has a whole training program for volunteers interested in healing touch.
     Great to see an allopathic, well-known medical center like Stanford implementing alternative treatments as a part of their healing protocol.
Diet
     I’ve been eating quite a bit of legumes and cooked vegetables lately since the weather has been so cold. Somehow a cold salad just doesn’t feel right when it is 40 degrees outside.
     One of my favorite meals is a copy-cat of the Chipotle salad complete with grilled red and green peppers and onions, guacamole, black beans, and honey vinaigrette.
    I’ve also been adding pomegranate to my morning vegetable juice. It adds a tangy sweetness and is supposedly good for breaking down tumors.
Exercise
     It has been harder and harder to get outside to do my Aloha movements since there is frost on the rooftops most mornings. I am sleeping longer, perhaps in a semi-hibernation mode.
Relationships
     I had an amazing men’s group where the other members helped me see how I’m still angry/sad about Thanksgiving. It boils down to being hurt that my family isn’t supporting me in ways I expected.
      At one point, I realized that most people aren’t well versed or practicing holding space for others. Our men’s group practices non-judgmental, empathic, compassionate listening every other week. To expect that from my family is asking a lot.

 

I am so grateful for the men’s group, Awakin Circles, Service Space, and this blog for all the empathy, compassion, connection, and love they [You all} generously offer.

Spirituality

IMG_1766Woke up the other morning and told 5 year old Fox that I had to go do my prayers.

“Why can’t I do the prayers with you,” asked Fox.

At first, I thought it was too cold to take him outside, but then I decided to just do the prayers indoors with him.

We stood in front of the Christmas tree and did the whole set of prayers in unison including Hawaiian chants, St. Francis prayer, Ho’oponopono prayers, and the Aloha chant.

It was adorable to watch Fox sing “Ua mau ke ea o ka ‘âina I ka pono” while bowing.

At Awakin Circle last night, Harshida Aunty shared that sometimes she feels she should go outside to be in the beauty of nature. Then she will look out a window and see a butterfly.

“Beauty is everywhere,” said Harshida with a smile.

It felt so refreshing and powerful to do prayers indoors with a 5 year old child.

________

At the same Awakin Circle, Birju shared how he spoke to an indigenous elder who was at the Paris Climate Change talks. The elder said that the only thing that is going to fix climate change is love. Modern man (I specify gender intentionally here) has lost touch with loving the land.

In Hawaii, they live “Aloha ‘Āina” which means love of the land. The indigenous elder reminds me of Auntie Pîlahi Pâkî standing in front of the 1970 governor’s conference saying, “…in the next millennium the world will turn to Hawai’i in its search for world peace because Hawai’i has the key…and that key is Aloha.”

I also thought about those Hawaiian protesters who are picketing the construction of the 10 meter telescope on Mauna Kea. They chant, “Ku Kia’i Mauna” which roughly translates to “stand guard of the mountain.”

A Native American elder once told me, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for everything.”

The message is clear. Start loving the earth, land, gia at all costs.

Kūkae (BM)

12/2 Wednesday
7:30 AM BS small BM
8:30 AM BS Large BM
3:30 PM BS small BM
5:45 PM BS
6:30 PM BS
12/3 Thursday
2 AM BS lots
7 AM BS lots BM med
9 AM Med BM Small BS
6 PM BS small BM
8 PM BS lots Med BM
10:40 PM BS
12/4 Friday
6:40 AM BS
8:30 AM BS Med BM
12 PM BS small BM
6 PM BS small BM
9 AM BS
10 AM BS
12/5 Saturday
6:30 AM Large BM little BS
8 AM Large BM
1 PM BS
3:30 pm bs
10 pm bs
12/6 Sunday
7 AM BS
9 AM XLRG BM Little BS
12 PM Small BM brown wet
2 PM tiny BS
8 PM little BS brown
9:30 PM Lots of BS
12/7 Monday
2 AM Lots BS
6:30 AM BS
7 AM BS
8:30 AM Med BM BS
11 AM Lrg BM
3 PM BS small BM after healing touch
7 PM lots of BS
8 PM BS
9 PM BS
11 PM Lots BS
12/8 Tuesday
3:30 AM BS
7 AM BS
8 AM BS med BM
8:40 AM Med BM
3:20 PM BS small BM
7:30 PM Lots of BS
10 PM BS
11 PM BS
12/9 Wednesday
3:30 AM BS
7 AM BS small BM
8:30 AM Lrg BM
3 PM tiny BS
7 PM BS
10:30 PM BS
11:30 PM BS
12/10 Thursday
7 AM BS med BM
9:30 AM Huge BM tiny BS
5 PM BS
7:30 PM BS
9:30 PM BS
12/11 Friday
2 AM BS
6 AM BS
7:30 AM BS
8:30 AM Large BM little B
12 PM Large BM
4 PM Large BM
7 PM BS
12/12 Saturday
3:30 AM BS
7 AM tiny BS
9 AM small BM tiny BS
11:30 AM Small BM little B
12/13 Sunday
12 AM BS
2:30 AM BS
7:30 AM BS
9:30 AM Large BM
1:30 PM small brown S
7:30 PM BS med BM
12/14 Monday
12 AM S+little B
5 AM S+little B
7 AM S+little B+XL BM
11:30 AM BS small BM
6 PM tiny S
7 PM BS small BM
9:30 PM BS small BM
12/15 Tuesday
1 AM BS
7 AM small BM
9 AM Large BM little B
4:30 PM Med BM BS
5 PM BS
7 PM BS
9 PM BS
11 PM BS
12/16 Wednesday
1:30 AM BS
6:30 AM BS small BM
9 AM BS
12 PM BS
5 PM  BS
6 PM BS
11 PM BS
1 AM BS
8 AM BS
8:30 AM BS med BM
9:30 AM Med BM
12 PM Med BM

Aloha Healing 12/2/2015

‘Ole Pau
Welehu 2

Reading a book called Radical RemissionKelly Turner, the author, found over one thousand documented cases of cancer patients healing from cancer without Western medicine or after Western medicine had failed. She interviewed 50 of these patients as well as alternative healers and found that most of these patients shared 9 healing factors. I was happy to find that I am already doing most of the 9 healing factors.
Radical Remission Aloha Healing
Factor One Radically Change Diet Eliminate all sugar, meat, flour, fruit, dairy

Drink fresh vegetable juice daily

Increase Raw Foods

Consume only Organic or Homegrown

No processed foods

Factor Two Take Control of Your Health Refuse Chemo, Radiation, Surgery

Research and Implement Custom Treatment Plan

Use HCG testing to monitor treatment

Factor Three Follow Your Intuition “Ike” my “mana’o”

Get in touch with my perineum

Factor Four Use Herbs and Supplements
  • Beta 1A Glucan
  • Moringa
  • Apex
  • Protandim
  • Cod Liver Oil
  • Flax Seed Oil
  • Hemp Seed
  • Olena or Turmeric with Honey
  • Kangen Water
Factor Five Release Suppressed Emotions Heart to Heart with Mom

Inner Child Work

Daily Forgiveness Prayer

Ha Mahiki clearing

Ho’oponopono

Factor Six Increase Positive Emotions Sympathetic Joy and Compassion response

Watch funny movies

Laugh with sons

Pet Skye the puppy

Listen to Hawaiian Music everyday

Factor Seven Embrace Social Support Hugs and Love from wife, kids, and puppy

Awakin Circle every Wednesday Night

Men’s Group

Blogosphere

Empathy Buddy Walks

Coworkers and Boss

Factor Eight Deepen Spiritual Connection Morning Sunrise Prayers

Live Aloha

Gratitude Practices

Factor Nine Have Strong Reasons for Living My family–wife, boys, and puppy

Spread Aloha

Heal the ‘âina

Perhaps my most powerful practice is to relax into faith and patience.

Diet

I’m feeling better, so I’m tempted to be less strict on my diet. At the same time, I don’t want to claim an early victory. A friend of mine said, “you need to error on the side of gentleness,” so I’m going to start putting green apples in my juice in the morning. 🙂

Exercise

I am starting interval training which includes sprints or burpies to raise my heart rate. The goal is to increase heart rate variability. It feels good to do some vigorous exercise again.

Relationships

All’s quiet on the relationship front. Had an interesting Thanksgiving. I felt really disconnected with most of my family on Thursday–might have been because everyone was on their iPads! The night before I went to Awakin Circle meditation and felt deep connections with lots of people I have only known for less than a year.

It reminds me what an Akashic records reader once told me, “Your connection with your spiritual family will be deeper than any blood relationship.”

Spirituality

I have been getting so many messages lately. It seems like whenever I’m thinking about a decision, the Universe will send a message in a song, a text, a book, a phone call, or a conversation. The messages are subtle and open-ended. Not like a commandment, but more like an invitation.

It also feels nice remembering what Marianne Williamson said about the Universe being like a GPS: Whenever we make a “wrong turn,” it just recalibrates and sends us new directions.

Kūkae (BM)

11/19 Friday

6:15 AM BS Extra Lrg BM

9 AM Med BM

12 PM Large BM  Little Blood

9 PM BS

11/20 Sat

6:30 AM BS Lrg BM

9:10 AM Small BM Little B

2:40 PM Small BS

4:15 PM BS

11/22 Sunday

1:30 AM BS 2 drop

6:45 PM BS X-Lrg BM

9:40 AM Med BM Dirty

8  PM BS small BM

11/23 Mon

1 AM Blood and sediment

7:30 AM  BS

8:30 AM Med BM BS

1 PM BS

3 PM BS

6 PM BS

9 PM BS

12 AM BS

11/24 Tues

6 AM BS Sm BM

7 AM Large MB

11 AM Large BM Little B

3:30 PM Large BM + B

11/25 Wed

6 AM Tiny BS

7 AM Tiny BS

11 AM BS

2 PM BS

3 PM BS

6:30 PM BS

11 PM BS

11/26 Thurs

2 AM tiny BS

6 :45 AM BS

7:40 AM Large BM Little BS

9 AM med BM

3:20 PM BS

8:30 PM BS

10:30 PM BS

11/27 Friday

2:40 AM BS Lots

7:45 AM BS Med-Lrg BM

11:45 AM X-Lrg BM Little B

5 PM small BM watery

10 PM BS

11/28 Sat

5:45 AM BS small BM

8:30 AM Med BM small BS

10:30 AM Small BM watery

4:45 PM small BS

8 PM BS

10 PM BS

11/29 Sunday

4 AM BS

9 AM BS small BM

10 AM x-Lrg BM

2 PM BM watery

4:30 PM BS

10 PM BS

11/30 Mon

7:15 AM BS + Med BM

9 AM Med/Lrg BM

12 PM tiny BM watery

7:30 PM BS

10 PM BS

12/1 Tues

6 AM BS

8:40 BS small BM

11:30 AM BS small BM

3 PM BS

5:30 PM BS

7:30 B

12/2 Wed

7:30 AM BS small BM

8:30 AM BS Large BM

3:30 PM  BS Small BM

5:45 PM BS

6:30 PM  BS

10 PM BS

 

Aloha Healing 9/29/2015

waning moonLâ’au Kû Kahi
Māhoe Hope 29

Wow! Powerful day. I was invited to a healing ceremony by Michael Brabant. When I showed up in Oakland at 7:30 PM, I stepped into a whole new world.

Michael had rearranged his loft to create a healing container full of beauty, organization, spirit, and intention. The room was carefully arranged so each participant had a specific seat in the mandala. Everything was accounted for including sage, tissues, Blue Solar water bottles with matching blue glass goblets, an alter, and a healing mat.

Michael’s friend, Tylor brought a truck load of crystals that were carefully placed around the room, on the alter, on the healing mat, and in the four corners. The stone sitting in front of me looked like a salt water aquarium, When I peered into it, it went 3D with faces, animals, and clouds. Sitting next to the face-like stone were two long quartz “arms.” At one point in the ceremony, I felt like this arrangement became a living spirit with arms open wide to accept me just as I was.

The fourth participant was a kind-hearted and courageous woman named Simone. Around 8 PM we gathered around the alter and started the ceremony.

I can’t really describe what happened during the ceremony that ended around 1 AM, but let me just say that I experienced so many layers of healing that were far beyond the body. My diagnosed dis-ease was just a hiccup in the larger spiritual growth that I sensed into.

Healing rituals included prayer, natural medicine, Brazilian hymns, indigenous flute playing, Hawaiian Ho’oponopono, crystal energy work, a powerful sharing circle, and delicious high-vibration vegetarian food. At the end of the ceremony, Michael announced that he is gifting the entire ceremony to all of us. All the work, preparation, care, intention, time, food, and money to host this powerful healing were given freely: “When you heal, we all heal,” Michael said at one point in the ceremony.

The whole night, I was flooded with gratitude. During the ceremony, I felt so honored and privileged to be invited to this circle. As I lay on the healing mat while the others sang prayers in Portuguese above and around me, I couldn’t think of anywhere I’d rather be at that moment. At multiple points in the night, I felt the profound presence of the Divine Mother, ‘Aumakua (ancestral spirits), healing angels, and life force (mana, chi, ki, prana) flowing in, around, and through me.

In the post ceremony meal, eating fresh guacamole with cucumber slices and organic Fuji apples, I calculated how priceless this experience was. So when Michael said it was freely given, it blew my mind and heart wide open. It made me realize that angels do exist and God is looking out for each and every one of us. I also felt the kuleana (responsibility) to give because I have been given so much.

If you ever get the chance to do a ceremony, a workshop, or a private session with Michael Brabant don’t hesitate for one second. It will change your life.

I’m not sure what the physical manifestations of this ceremony will be going forward, but it almost doesn’t matter. What matters is not matter. The peace, unity, love, community, hope, faith, compassion, and power I experienced last night helped me to see this cancer diagnosis as one of the greatest gifts i have ever received.

Diet

These are my daily treatments at this point in time:

  • Protandim first thing in the morning.
  • Chia Seed, flax meal, Moringa mixed with alkaline water
  • Apex nano-silver in the morning and evening
  • Fresh juiced kale, cucumber, carrot, beet, celery, and granny smith apple mixed with spirulina
  • a quart of Trader Joe’s organic carrot juice consumed throughout the day
  • Oatmeal with flax seed oil, walnuts, honey, and dates
  • Mangosteen juice in the morning and evening.
  • Cod Liver Oil for vitamin D3
  • mostly raw organic vegetarian food throughout the day
  • nuts for protein
  • about 3/4 gallon of 10.0 Kangen water throughout the day

Exercise

Took it easy today after the ceremony, but I felt a lot of energy. Wasn’t tired walking up stairs or running errands.

Relationships

So many relationships with the incarnate and disincarnate were nurtured today. I can’t even begin to understand or remember how much peace and unity I experienced with individuals and collectives today.

Spirituality

Delving deep into all the different doorways to spirit. Overall, I’m grateful to be alive in this manifestation at this present moment, right here, right now. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Kūkae (BM)

I kept a log of kûkae today. I’m using this to monitor my health, not for blog readers. 🙂

6:20 AM Little blood and sediment followed by large BM

9:40 AM Large BM with little to no blood

3:45 PM little blood with small BM

5:45 blood and sediment

1 AMish After ceremony I had a large amount of sediment pass with blood

Definitely noticing less blood, more regular bowel movements, and more sediment with not as much blood.

Aloha Healing 9/25/2015

waxing gibous 90Akua
Māhoe Hope 25

Had an amazing healing session with Roma Hammel today.

Roma is an expert of embodied realization. She has trained with Judith Blackstone who put Roma in charge of her Esalen retreat.

Roma has always noticed how I like to lift out of my body. When she guided me to open my heart chakra, I felt the light immediately go to the tops of my hands and my head like a halo. Roma asked me what emotion I felt when I lifted out my body. I used to think that I just wanted to ascend to higher consciousness, but I realized that this movement stemmed from fear, to feeling unsafe. I just wanted to escape.

I became conscious of how I often ignore my lower body and backside. Roma must have sense this as well because she told me to inhabit my feet as if my head or mind dropped down into my feet. We sensed into all parts of each foot–the toes, the outer and inner edge, the heel, and the arch. I noticed that my left heel was a bit numb and raised which brought back the memory of stepping on wana (sea urchin) when I was a kid in Hawaii. My grandfather told my brother and cousin to pee in a bucket that I would stick my foot in. It was a painful, traumatic, and embarrassing experience. When I released this memory, my heel “came back to life.”

I then released memories of wearing restrictive shoes to correct my knees as a child. Every trauma I released brought more life into my feet. They felt more aware and sensitive. Joy also emanated from every cell in my feet.

Roma instructed me to move up the legs, focusing on keeping the weight underside. When we got to the okole (butt), I felt a tightening of my genitals. A memory of having the tentacle of a jelly fish get stuck in my swim trunks arose. When I was about nine, my whole genital area was stung by this trapped jelly fish.

I also had the memory of getting a really bad heat rash on my penis while in Hawaii. My grandmother would have to put hydrocortisone on my penis which felt soothing, but also awkward. My Hawaiian grandfather also took me to his doctor friend who gave me several injections of penicillin every week for the rash.

Releasing all these traumatic experiences helped me inhabit my genitals again. I felt them soften and grow, rather than tense and contract. I was aware that this area was close to my rectum where the tumor is supposed to be, so I started to relax the whole area, especially the perineum.

babyWhen I shared this with Roma, she gave me the adorable image of a naked baby lying on its back with its feet and knees in the air. “When the baby breaths, its perineum expands and contracts with each breath.” I ballooned my perineum as I breathed in and let it contract as I breathed out. It felt like I was nurturing this sensitive area like a little baby again.

As i loosened my perineum, a saying popped into my head: “tighten your sphincter.” We used to say this in surfing and snowboarding when confronted with fear. Fear in my genitals, perineum, and root chakra were making me tighten my sphincter which trapped in negative energy. It makes complete sense that I got a tumor in my rectum. Now I just have to relax my sphincter and let out all the kūkae (crap) from the past.

We moved around the pubic bone to the tail bone and the sacrum. When we got to the sacrum, I felt locked. Roma shared that my energy field contracted around the sacrum. She said that when our energy contracts we not only get locked up, but also open ourselves to other people’s emotions and energies. A few weeks earlier, Leyna said that I had a gap in my energetic field on my backside.

As I tried to re-invigorate the sacrum, it occurred to me that this is the area that my step father would whip me with a belt. The same fear and lack of safety feelings arose again. I breathed into the area and tried to reclaim them with warmth and love, but I kept feeling myself rising up out of my body, as If I was trying to escape the beatings.

Roma put her hands up and said firmly, “NO!” I followed suit, put my hands up, and yelled, “No!” over and over again. Finally, I screamed, “Stop!” with my hands up, as if I was saying stop the violence. I felt my sacrum loosen a little.

After working in this area for some time, Roma said that she wanted to try one more thing. She wanted to reprogram the ideal mother into my body. She asked me to describe my ideal mother.

The PietaImmediately the image of a mother cradling my head and stroking my forehead that I had experienced with Giovanni in Hawaii appeared. The ideal mother was saying, “my son, my son,” which brought back flashes of my friend Preeta sharing her experience in Rome with The Pieta. Tears flowed down my cheeks.

I told Roma that the ideal mother would be saying, “I love you, my son.” Thinking of Jesus and The Pieta, I said that she might say, “Although I can’t always protect you, I will always love you.”

Roma stopped me and said, “Jesus was a man. You were a child. I don’t think the ideal mother would say that. What would the ideal mother say?”

I put one hand up while still cradling with my other hand and yelled, “NO!”

“Yes,” Roma added. “Never again! If you lay one more finger on this child you will never see us again. Get out. Leave. Don’t you dare touch this child.”

“Like a mama bear,” I sobbed.

“Like a mama bear,” Roma said. “Feel the power of a mama bear.”

As I visualized the mama bear in the Disney documentary Bears that I had taken Fox to see earlier this year, I felt my sacrum releasing. I finally felt safe, loved, and cared for.

When I put my hands in prayer position to my forehead to thank Roma for this powerful healing, I felt waves of sadness pour out of me. It felt like an archetypal catharsis.

I shared with Roma that my step father used to beat my mother, but at one point she told him that if he ever hit her again, she would leave forever. He never hit her again.

“Why didn’t she do the same for me?” I asked. “She had the power, but she chose to let me continue to get beaten.”

“That is so wrong, Kozo. That is your mother’s karma. The ideal mother would never chose her own safety over that of her child,” Roma shared.

So grateful for Roma who gifted me these healing sessions. I also received surprise gifts from the Bock family. I did hospice care for Trudi Bock until she passed away this past spring. My dear friend Oliver Bock gave me a check for $500 today. His brother decided to give a gift to some of the caregivers.

Oliver also gave me a bag of Moringa powder that is suppose to cure everything. Amazing how the Universe provides exactly what we need, when we need it.

Diet

Had lunch with Oliver at Lyfe in Palo Alto. Had Red Thai Curry with tofu. Not exactly raw vegan, but I was being gentle with myself after the powerful healing in the morning.

My qigong master, Joe, who lives with Roma, really urged me to take the soft-shell turtle soup. Roma said that in 26 years she had seen Joe cure many people of cancer, including his own son who was given a few months to live. Joe worked together with an oncologist at Stanford to cure his son who has been cancer free since 2005.

I’m going to honor Joe’s expertise and persistence and take the soft shell turtle soup. He also said to soak the shells in vinegar over night, bake them until they are crispy the next day, and pound them into powder that I can consume everyday. I let everyone know how this works out.

Exercise

Got a full 8 hours of sleep. Did prayers, but no movements this morning because I had to drop boys off at school and quickly get to Roma’s house.

I’m not sure if it was from the sleep or the moringa, but I had energy all day today.

Relationships

I feel more at rest with my relationship with my mother. I still want to talk to her, but I feel like I can heal without her apology, explanation, or consent.

Spirituality

I’m grateful for all the angels, friends, and helpers who are sharing wisdom, generosity, and love with me everyday. So grateful.

I’m also realizing that cancer is a very small part of the healing that is going on. The tumor was actually just a catalyst for real spiritual healing that I needed to do in this lifetime. I tended to focus all my attention on this one popular dis-ease, but the truth is that it is just a very small bodily manifestation. The deeper wounds are spiritual, energetic, archetypal.

Kūkae (BM)

Again, lots of blood. I’m trying to stay sincerely curious without being judgmental.

Cancer and Money 9/24/2015

waxing gibbousHua
Māhoe Hope 24

I’ve been sensing into something lately that I don’t quite have a grip on yet, but it feels important. These are my incipient thoughts.

Cancer is a rich person’s dis-ease. This statement has multiple access points.

First, I’m starting to believe Fred Ho, author of Diary of a Radical Cancer Warrior: Fighting Cancer and Capitalism at the Cellular Level that cancer and capitalism are inextricably linked: “Capitalism is the cancer for Mother Earth; cancer is the capitalist toxicity for the human individual.”

I had a similar vision when I chanted the Hawaii state motto: Ua mau ke ea o ka ‘âina i ka pono (the life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness). I saw cancer in my body as a reflection of not being in alignment with the land–that which sustains us. In a sense, I saw the Earth with rectal cancer–it had too much kûkae (crap) that it couldn’t clear and was suffering from too much heat in the body (global warming).

Now I’m realizing that not being pono (righteous) is closely linked with capitalism. When large corporations pollute the earth, the reason they aren’t pono is because they are trying to make money. Think how much lying, cheating, stealing, exploitation, violence, and abuse are the direct result of the coveting of money.

I would like to note that Fred Ho’s book was gifted to me by a dear friend who came to an Aloha Awakenings workshop. Rather than pay me with money, Brother Zilong chose other forms of capital–he shared wisdom, brotherhood, and community by giving me this book. In a way, his gift has been a powerful gesture in healing cancer and capitalism on a cellular level.

In the late stages of his war on cancer, Fred Ho’s conversion to a raw foods diet was not only a healthy shift away from a “rich” diet of animal based foods, but also a monkey wrench in the capitalist machinery that creates and profits from rich diets.I’m finding that a raw foods diet eliminates cravings for restaurants, junk foods, brand name products, and over-consumption. It also decreases my dependence on the huge capitalistic enterprise known as Western allopathic medicine.

In the documentary film Forks over Knives, Dr. T. Colin Campbell recounts how he discovered in the Philippines that the country’s wealthier children, who were consuming relatively high amounts of animal-based foods, were much more likely to get liver cancer. One of the things that triggered my cancer was vitamin D deficiency. Vitamin D deficiency can be seen as a class based disease–only those who could afford to stay indoors for work became deficient. In Asian countries like the Philippines, the whiteness of one’s skin defines beauty, class, and privilege. Dark skinned field workers are rarely deficient in Vitamin D. The combination of more time in the sun and less animal products seems to help lower classes resist cancer.

Another way cancer is a rich person’s disease is that it costs a lot to survive cancer. Within minutes of discovering the tumor in my rectum, the doctors were ordering biopsies, CT scans, ultrasounds, blood tests, and appointments with specialists. Many of these were not covered by insurance.

Two examples, 1) I had a one hour consultation with an oncologist which cost over $600. Insurance covered $100. 2) After the initial colonoscopy, the doctors ordered a sigmoidoscopy with ultrasound. While prepping for the procedure, I decided that I didn’t need an anesthetic which meant that I didn’t have to be monitored after the sigmoidoscopy and could leave without someone having to pick me up. When I got the bill back, the hospital still charged me $2000 for the gastrointestinal prep and $800 for the recovery room that I spent less than ten minutes in to get dressed.

Even alternative treatments for cancer can break your piggy bank. I’m using one called the Dirt Cheap Cancer Protocol. Some of the treatments in this protocol include eating six frozen lemons and drinking a quart of carrot juice a day. Buying six organic lemons and a quart of organic carrot juice everyday adds up to $180 per month. An organic foods diet also increases monthly food bills. Add to this the cost of supplements like Mangosteen ($145/month), Apex ($100/month), cod liver oil, organic sulfur, Beta Glucan, spirulina, wheatgrass, chia seeds, and flax seed oil. As you can see, it can cost a lot to heal.

Of course, one round of chemotherapy would set me back over $10,000. I don’t even want to think about the cost of surgery and radiation treatments. Fred Ho estimates that his financial obligation for his allopathic treatments exceeded $1,000,000. This explains the feeling I got while talking to the surgeon. It was like I was in a used car lot. “If you were my brother, I would advise you to get this surgery,” he said. “I really care about you, Mr. Hattori.” As he said this, I pictured the cartoon characters I’d seen as a child with dollar signs in their eyes.

What all this bookkeeping boils down to is that in order to heal the dis-ease in my body, I need to heal my relationship with money. I used to think that if I had a certain amount of money then I would free myself from financial worries. What cancer has taught me is that I need to get to the root of financial worries in order to live a healthy, happy life. The more I cut my ties with the capitalist matrix, the closer I get to the ‘âina (land which sustains us) and the more pono (righteous) I become. Participating and believing in a gift ecology deepens my healing and liberation from money and dis-ease. This is one of the most powerful cures for cancer I have found.

Diet

Had a tasty raw vegan pizza made of sunflower seed and wheat berry raw crust topped with macadamia nut spread, avocados, sprouts, cherry tomatoes, and Brazil nut Parmesan. Very tasty.

I’ve been impressed with the raw foods diet, although I have to figure out what to do when I don’t have time to do all the prep work.

Exercise

Woke up at 3:30 AM and started writing this article, so by the time 7:30 AM came along I was exhausted. No prayers or movements. Did some walking in the sunshine.

With only 4 hours of sleep I was exhausted later in the afternoon. Not sure how much of the fatigue is from the dis-ease and how much is from the lack of sleep.

Relationships

Deepened my relationships with my co-workers by gifting them with mac nuts and coconut water.

Spirituality

I feel like I was awoken at 3 AM to write about cancer and money. I’m happy that I got it down, so I can refer back to this topic in my healing journey. So grateful for whatever inspired me.

Kūkae (BM)

Lots of blood today. Maybe the amount of bleeding is not a good indicator of my progress. I realized that I sat in meditation for an hour then sat on a tile floor for another hour for circle sharing last night. Maybe the blood in my stool is from the strain of sitting on the floor for two hours.

Aloha Healing 9/23/2015

waxing gibbous

Môhalu
Māhoe Hope 23

On this fall equinox, I had everything purged out of my colon. Woke up multiple times in the night to use the lua (toilet), then had huge BMs all day long. Not sure what catalyzed this purging. Could have been the daikon rice I ate or the fact that I started drinking 10.5 ph kangen water.

Also, on this day of transitions, we pulled Jett and Fox out of the Chinese immersion school they were attending and put them in neighborhood elementary school. It was a tough change for everyone. We got into the immersion school through a lottery, so we were giving up our coveted space to attend a local public school.

Eight year old Jett grieved last night about the loss of his friends: “I will never see them again.” This morning we all walked onto the clean, bright campus and met friendly new teachers and administrators. Fox’s kindergarten teacher looked like a kindergarten teacher–all smiles and hugs.

When I entered Jett’s classroom, I knew we were at the right place. There was a large poster that read, “I don’t know yet!” This is the non-judgmental curiosity that I felt was being squeezed out of my sons at the other school. Both Jett and Fox like their new school, teachers, and friends. Jett had 10 minutes of homework to do–what a change! We also learned that they get twice as much P.E. here, as well as art and music classes.

I feel like we all released a lot of kūkae (crap) today. Feeling much lighter and peaceful now.

Diet

Made raw veggie fettuccine with parsnip noodles and macadamia nut cream sauce. Not bad. I’m also adding a quart of carrot juice per day to my diet/treatment. In addition, I plan to eat 6 frozen grated lemons per day. Serendipitously, my mom forwarded me an email about eating frozen lemons today after I decided that I was going to add this treatment to my daily diet.

Exercise

Woke up late since my sleep was interrupted so much last night, so I missed morning movements. After dropping the boys off, I walked around in the sunshine for half an hour before heading off to work.

Relationships

My relationship with the Cupertino Union School district feels more peaceful. I feel grateful that that Jett and Fox are in a school that prioritizes curiosity, happiness, and kindness.

the transfigurationSpirituality

Spent the whole time at Awakin Circle meditation visualizing a heavenly wailele (waterfall) penetrating my crown chakra and cleansing my entire body down to the bowels. I sensed into another image of a huge Divine waterfall cleansing all of humanity like Jesus in the transfiguration. It felt like grace.

The connections to baptism are obvious. I just need to open myself to grace that will cleanse this kūkae out of my being.

Having said that, I’m reminded of a Muslim saying: “Trust in Allah, but tie up your camel.” I’m going to trust in grace, but also keep up with my veggie diet and treatments.

Kūkae (BM)

Amazed at how much I expelled today. A major portion of the BMs didn’t have blood, although still had blood/sediment both last night and during the day today.