Aloha Healings 11/18/2015

first quarter moon ‘Ole Kû Kolu
Welehu 18

We took the boys to the beach the other weekend. Beautiful, warm fall day with no crowds. While watching the surfers, thoughts of jealousy arose. “I could have surfed that wave better.” “Why are claiming that wave, you didn’t do anything?”

I realized that these thoughts were spoiling a beautiful day with my family. Just then, I saw my youngest son running up the beach away from a breaking wave, screaming his lungs out with joy. I couldn’t help but smile.

I decided to step into sympathetic joy with everyone and everything around me. I felt the freedom and thrill of the seagulls skimming the water. I experienced the beginner’s mind of surfers learning how to stand up and turn their longboards. Suddenly, everything became a launching pad for joy and excitement.

Later, I made an intention to only have two responses to any interaction with another sentient being–sympathetic joy or compassion.

I have been practicing this new form of relationship with others for over a week now, and I am amazed at how wonderful, peaceful, and intimate life has become. When someone is rude to me, I step into compassion for their suffering. When someone is overjoyed, I share their jubilation. I can’t think of a better way to go through life.

I noticed that our shitzu, Skye, lives life like this. When one of my sons is crying or whining, Skye howls sympathetically. When we are laughing or excited, Skye barks or runs around in circles feeding off our joy.

skye

Skye reminds me of a poem that has been circulating around mindfulness circles:

If you can sit quietly after difficult news…

If in financial downturns you remain perfectly calm…

If you see your neighbors travel to favorite places without a tinge of jealousy…

If you can happily eat whatever is put on your plate…

If you can love everyone around you unconditionally…

If you can always find contentment just where you are…

You are probably..

A dog.

Diet

Been really enjoying the combinations of veggies that I have been experimenting with. I bought some sauerkraut and made some veggie fajita and sauerkraut sushi the other day. I also made some yummy kale, red pepper, and black bean quinoa that I wrapped in lettuce leaves.

Exercise

Everyday I seem to be getting stronger and stronger. In my morning movements I do a kind of chair pose called “punahou” (young spring). I have been holding this pose longer and longer every week.

A friend gave me a hug over the weekend and said that even though I haven’t gained any weight, my body has a different “texture.” He said that when I first started the juicing, fasting, and eating an all-vegetable diet, he got frightened when he hugged me because I was so skinny and frail. Now he feels strength and health when he hugs me.

Relationships

Practicing mudita (sympathetic joy) and karunâ (compassion) has done wonder for all my relationships. Even while listening to the breaking reports about the terrorist attacks in Paris, all I could feel was compassion for both the victims and the attackers.

Spirituality

Had an interesting moment when I saw lots of tiny stars all around while sitting in the break room at work. My father-in-law said that is what chi looks like, but I’ve never experienced it indoors before.

Kūkae (BM)

11/7

7:30 AM Extra large BM (maybe biggest ever) BS

11 AM Med/Small BM

4:30 PM Small BM BS brown

6 PM BS

8 PM small BM BS

11/8

12 AM tiny BS

6:30 AM BS

9:10 AM Small BM BS

10 AM Tiny BS

12 PM Tiny BS

6:30 PM BS

8 PM BS Small BM

9 PM BS

11/9

1 AM BS

6:30 PM BS Small BM

8 AM Large BM BS

10 AM Large BM little B

1 PM Med BM BS

5 PM BS

6 PM BS

11/10

6:30 AM Blood and sediment with small BM

7:30 AM Large BM BS

9 AM Large BM

2:20 PM Blood

6:30 PM BS

7:30 PM Blood and Sediment.with small BM

11/11

Lost data card

11/12

6 AM BS Large BM

8:30 AM Watery small BM

6 PM BS

9:00 PM BS

11/13

7 AM Tiny BS Med/Lrg BM

8:40 AM BS brown

9:30 AM BS brown

4 PM BS

7 PM BS

11/14

8:40 AM Med BM

1 PM Med BM

6 PM small BM BS

8 PM BS

9:30 PM BS

11/15

6:30 AM BS Small BM

7:30 AM BS Small BM

5:20 PM BS

9:30 PM BS Small BM

11/16

6 AM tiny BS Med BM

8 AM Lrg BM

10:11 AM Med BM

12:45 PM Med/Lrg BM tiny B

2 PM Small BM

3:30 PM Small/Med BM

7 PM BS

10 PM BS

11 PM BS

11/17

1 AM BS

6:15 AM BS

7:15 AM BS Large BM

9:10 AM Small/Med BM Little BS

6:30 PM BS

7:30 PM BS

8:30 PM BS

10 PM BS

11/18

3:30 AM BS

6:30 AM Tiny BS Large BM

7 AM Large BM

8:30 AM Small BM

9 AM Sm/Med BM

9:40 AM Small BM

3:20 PM tiny tiny sediment

8 PM BS

9 PM BS

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Aloha Healing 11/1/2015

moon_day_WanG_65 ‘Ole Kû Kahi
‘Ikuwâ 1

I’ve added two new treatments to my protocol. I’m taking hemp seeds and cannabis oil, as well as incorporating Frankincense Oil. I eat the hemp seed and cannabis oil, while I put the Frankincense on my skin with a new lotion I made out of coconut oil, vitamin E, and Frankincense.

A friend asked me how I will know what treatment cured the cancer since I am doing so many. This got me thinking. I’m not really focused on curing anything. To use a common analogy, cancer is like a “check engine” warning light in a car. You don’t try to disconnect the light to fix the problem; instead you do a systemic overhaul.

Dr. Arun Sharma [whose services were gifted to me by two incredible friends whom I have never met, Nisha and Ragu] guided me towards this path when I first got diagnosed:  “Our approach is to improve your overall health to such an extent that no dis-ease remains there. Disease is just a diminution of health and it vanishes as you improve health. So all therapies which are oriented with a consideration of fighting cancer or curing cancer are not taken in our system.”

From this perspective, cancer is a gift in the same way a functioning warning light is a gift. They both give you some advance notice to fix some deep lying issues that could cause a total breakdown.

Here are some of the gifts cancer has already given me:

  • Getting in touch with nature, ‘âina,aumakua, kûpuna, and my body.
  • Juicing raw vegetables every morning with a juicer gifted to me by a dear friend, Mitch McCoy
  • coconut water gifted to me by the thoughtful Mehta family
  • mangosteen juice gifted to me by Auntie Sandy Wong
  • moringa oleifera gifted to me by my dear friend, Oliver Bock
  • Protandim
  • Kangen Water gifted to me by my loving cousin in Hawaii, Marie Imanaka
  • Taking all the chemicals out of my life–water, processed foods, shampoo, toothpaste, lotion, soap, cell phones
  • Taking all the refined sugar out of my diet–I knew this was something I needed to do, but I never thought I could do it. Within 2 weeks of the diagnosis, I was sugar-free. “Free at last, free at last…”
  • Motivation to do morning prayers and movements on a regular basis.+ All the sunrises I have witnessed doing my prayers
  • Powerful experiences in gift ecology. Watching all the different forms of capital manifest whenever and wherever I need them.
  • The invitation to just love everything and everyone gifted by being in the presence of Jayeshbhai Patel
  • Healing deep scars with my parents, my ancestors, my family, and myself.
  • Embodying the first chakra, na’au, perineum, and ‘ôkole.
  • Learning to live “faith and patience” on a daily basis
  • Realizing the importance of ‘olu’olu (gentleness) with myself, my body, my sons, my loved ones, difficult others, and complete strangers.
  • Barefoot hiking and all the lessons the land is teaching me from the feet up.

The amazing thing about all these gifts is that I will continue to practice/receive them regardless what the dis-ease does. A malignant tumor has gifted me a change of lifestyle, diet, perspective, and heart. I can honestly say that I am filled with gratitude for everything that cancer has given me.

Diet

Ate a lot of Chipotle salads lately since it was Halloween and I had to get food a number of times on the run. Otherwise, I’m really enjoying my raw foods diet.

Exercise

Went surfing with my cousins, Mitch and Mathew. I had one of the best sessions I’ve had in years. On one long wave, I felt like I was surfing as well as I did in the late 90s. What followed was a flood of thoughts around my identity as a surfer:

“I could be one of the best surfers out here if I started going on a regular basis.”

“That guy thinks he’s good, but he doesn’t know how to use his inside rail.”

surfing with MitchWhen we got back to the car, we started talking to the father and son parked next to us. The father proceeded to go off on how he’d been surfing since the early 80s. He went on and on about board design and how he surfed the same board in 2 feet to 15 feet waves. At one point, he said, “You guys should check out a surf spot called 26th Avenue. It’s a great spot for you.”

Part of me wanted to tell him that I’d been surfing 26th Ave. since 1981, but I stayed quiet.

When we drove off, my cousin said, “He was a nice guy.” Although part of me wanted to question why he felt the need to assume a position of expertise when he clearly wasn’t  a very good surfer, I had to agree with Mitch–he was a nice guy.

Right before I met my cousins to drive over the hill to the beach, I had been listening to an Adyashanti cd where he talks about how he had been attached to his identity as a world-class cyclist. At one point, he got a 6 month debilitating illness that left him “weak as a puppy.” He felt relieved that he didn’t have to maintain the strenuous identity of a cyclist, but when he started getting his health back, he found himself “training” again, as if he were heading to the Olympics.

Life then sent Adyashanti another debilitating disease. I took this as a sign and started to give up all my attachments to my identity as a surfer. When I think about it, what lies at the core of needing to be seen as a good surfer or a world-class cyclist  is a forgetting of who we really are.

When I step into lôkahi (unity/unbrokenness), I don’t need to be anyone special or prove myself to others because we are all one. We are all the sinner and the saint. We are the Buddha and the CEO. Or as Jayeshbhai puts it, “I want to see everyone as myself. I want to see myself in everyone.”

Relationships

Had a great weekend with the boys. We are learning to accommodate each other on our needs. I felt like I was able to take care of what I needed to do while also allowing them to get their needs met. They even helped do chores around the house before I took them to Bass Pro Shops (my older son loves fishing) and the movies.

Spirituality

Did my prayers before I jumped in the ocean to go surfing. I also asked the ocean permission to enter and waited for a sign. A wave slammed the breakwall. It didn’t get me wet, but saltwater caressed my feet and pulled me toward the ocean. I took this as a sign and ran out as the sea receded. I then proceeded to catch three nice waves one right after another.

Everyday I experience the importance of including nature in my prayers and practices. Doing my prayers barefoot in the park is getting more challenging with the colder/wet weather, but I can’t imagine saying my prayers in the house anymore. We’ll see what happens when the El Nino storms start rolling in.

Kūkae (BM)

10/27

7:00 AM Sediment no blood

7:29 AM Small BM with blood and sediment

10/28

12:30 AM Blood and lots of sediment.

6:40 AM Blood and sediment. Small BM

7:28 AM Medium/Large BM little or no blood

8:30 AM Medium/Large BM no blood

6:30 PM Sediment

10:40 PM Blood and Sediment.brown in color

10/29

11:30 PM Blood and sediment

6:15 AM Blood and sediment with small BM

7:15 AM Blood and sediment with medium BM

1:30 PM Sediment Auburn in color

3:30 PM Small BM with blood and sediment

6 PM Small BM with blood and sediment

9 PM Blood and sediment auburn

10/30

6:30 AM Blood and sediment with dark small BM

8:40 AM Sediment and small BM

10:40 AM Tiny sediment auburn

7:40 PM Sediment with small BM

8:30 PM Blood and Sediment.with small BM

10/31

6:10 AM Blood and Sediment.

7:00 AM Blood and Sediment.with medium BM

5:30 PM Blood and sediment

8:20 PM Huge BM with blood and sediment

11/1

1:11 AM Large BM

6:30 AM Sediment auburn

9:30 AM small BM

3:30 PM Blood and sediment auburn

5 PM Blood and sediment

6 PM Blood and sediment

6:30 PM Blood and sediment

7:40 PM Blood and sediment

Aloha Healings 10/26/2015

moon Hoku
‘Ikuwâ 26

At this week’s Meditation Circle, I was fortunate enough to spend some quality time with a man whom I, and many others, consider a living saint, Jayesh Patel. As he sat down to eat, Nipun Mehta introduced me, telling him about my recent cancer diagnosis and how I had decided to refuse conventional treatment and pursue more natural and spiritual forms of healing.

Jayeshbhai immediately began rubbing my back. In Hawaii we call this ‘olu ‘olu—roughly translated as gentleness, but more accurately described by Auntie Pilahi Paki as to treat others like you would a baby. All night, I watched Jayeshbhai ‘olu’olu everyone he encountered. He patted the tops of their heads hugged them, squeezed their hands and arms, rubbed the backs of their scalps, and just loved them like a mother loves a newborn.

Jayeshbhai turned to me and without a touch of pity or fear said, “the natural man uses nature to heal, and if he doesn’t heal then he accepts it is the will of God.” {I’m recreating all these quotations from memory, so I apologize if I misquote anyone or anything.] This one sentence encapsulated everything I’ve been sensing into since I got the pathology report two months ago.

He told me about how this was my path and how I could use it to send ripples of peace and healing to others. Then he looked deep in my eyes and said, “But you must have faith and patience.” To tell the truth, I had been getting a bit impatient recently and even had some lapses of faith, so these words struck a chord deep inside me.

Earlier in the evening, Jayeshbhai shared with the circle that he wants to create a movement, not a campaign. Campaigns have a beginning and an end. Movements never end. There is no exit strategy in a movement. I realized that my journey with cancer is a movement. There is no end—no cure. There is only loving what is, consistently, persistently.

I told Jayeshbhai that I admired how he deeply connected with everyone he met. He replied, “I just want to see everyone as myself. I want to see myself in everyone. I want to experience everyone’s darshan.” He smiled and said how simple life is—just love, everyone and everything.

“You don’t fight cancer; you love it,” he offered. I replied, “Yeah, I want to have darshan with cancer.” We laughed.

Parveen came by and Jayeshbhai spoke to him in their native tongue. Parveen translated for me:

“Our parents decide to give birth to us, but no one decides when we die. It is in the hands of nature. It is nothing to fear. It is just nature.”

“You can be the example of equanimity for everyone to see. We all sit in meditation trying to cultivate equanimity, but you can show us what equanimity looks like with how you deal with your journey.”

Before I left, Jayeshbhai gave me the sweetest hug. He put his head in my chest and just held me. I wanted to kiss the top of his head—like you kiss an infant’s head when they fall asleep in your arms.

In the short time I got to spend with this saint, he shared so much love, understanding, wisdom, care, and gentleness with me that I felt like I had just gotten some radical new high-tech treatment. But it wasn’t radical. It wasn’t new. And it wasn’t high-tech. It was just love.

Diet

I had breakfast with my brother’s ex-wife who is visiting from Ireland. I asked her how people in Ireland get their vitamin D, since there is not much sunshine. She said that when she was a kid, her mom used to make her swallow cod liver oil. Now she feeds her 5 year old daughter this oil during the winter months. I laughed, because I’m taking cod liver oil supplements to get my vitamin D3.

Exercise

Doing my morning prayers every morning, but I missed a few movements and qigong walks. Today, I did the full program and barefoot hiking with my friend Oliver. I feel so much better when I do the full program.

Relationships

Had brunch with my mom, step-dad, brothers, Aunty and Uncle, and my brother’s ex-wife. It was wonderful. No bad vibes anywhere.

Spirituality

Everything in my life seems to be here to teach me “faith and patience.” In the face of anything and everything, I’m trying to maintain faith and patience.

My friend, Michael Brabant, sent me a Reginald Ray guided meditation on the perineum. “In the Toltec tradition, the perineum is said to be the place in the body where the most fundamental, primordial reality of this world is located…When we work with the perineum, we are working with the most fundamental depth of the earth. The perineum is actually the gateway to the earth in its most deepest aspect.”

This resonates with me since the tumor the doctors found is right above the perineum. I feel like I am being asked to get in touch with the most fundamental, primordial reality. I’m also being invited to reconnect with the ‘âina or earth. All my exploration of Hawaiian spirituality leads me to focus on my na’au (guts including the perineum) and the ‘âina.

In this guided mediation, Ray emphasizes the simultaneous interaction between the earth, the breath, and the perineum. When I breath into my perineum, I feel like I am healing both my na’au and the ‘âina. In Hawaian, the word “na’auao” means “the enlightened mind.” So the na’au is a gateway to fundamental reality or enlightenment, as well.

Kūkae (BM)

The bleeding is definitely tapering off. I’m having movements of sediment with no blood. I’m also having the largest BMs in terms of size that I have had in 12 months. I am sensing into the tumor becoming inconsequential or non-existent.

10/21

7:10 AM Blood and sediment. Medium BM

7:50 AM Medium BM

3 PM Medium BM

5 PM Sediment and blood.

6 PM Sediment

6:20 PM Blood and sediment

10/22

4:30 AM Blood and Sediment.

7:10 AM Blood and lots of sediment. Medium BM

8:10 AM Medium BM no blood

9:45 AM Large BM no blood

3 PM Small BM w/ little blood

6 PM Blood and Sediment.

10/23 and 10/24

Blood and sediment throughout the day with very little BMs.

10/25

6:30 AM Tiny Blood and sediment

8 AM Sediment with no/blood

10 AM Sediment with small BM

10:30 AM Sediment

7 PM Blood and sediment with small BM

10 PM Blood and Sediment.

10/26

2:30 AM Blood and Sediment.

7:30 AM Tiny Blood and Sediment.

8 AM Medium BM with blood

11:30 AM Huge Long BM no blood

3:30 PM Large BM no blood

 

Aloha Healing 10/09/2015

waning moon Lono
Māhoe Hope 9

I went on a walk with my dear friend Oliver Bock at Rancho San Antonio Open Space Preserve. In the parking lot, we decided to do our normal hike barefooted in order to get in touch with the ‘âina (land).

Oliver shared that he enjoyed an entire summer when he was a kid without wearing shoes (he also slept outdoors every night of that summer). What a “vacation” that must have been, although he said that he wasn’t allowed to go to a lot of places like movie theaters.

On the walk, I started getting jabbed by tons of tiny sharp rocks. Oliver said, “try to relax your feet as much as possible. Let them be soft in knowing that the rocks probably won’t pierce all the way through the skin.” This helped immensely.

feetWhat a wonderful metaphor for dealing with others. What if we just relaxed when people verbally attack us, knowing that they won’t pierce our sole/soul? I immediately put this into practice when we passed an older couple. The woman’s jaw dropped when she noticed that we weren’t wearing shoes. When I smiled and said hello, she wrinkled up her face without returning the salutation.

Normally, this type of judgement would chap my skin, but I just relaxed and let it poke for an instant, knowing that it couldn’t touch the love and interconnection at the seat of our soul. I could almost feel love for this woman. She was suffering in judgement–her face was contorted and she refused the friendliness of two open-hearted strangers.

Oliver and I plan to keep hiking barefoot. I plan to keep relaxing into rocky relationships with love.

cloudsAt the end of the walk, Oliver washed my feet under a faucet. It was an endearing and memorable gesture. So grateful for the beautiful souls that have chosen to walk this path with me.

Diet

I’m going pretty raw, except for oatmeal. I’m also trying to sense into the natural urges in my body. For example, I had the urge/thought for figs. The only figs I could find at the farmer’s market were dried mission figs. Dried fruit is a no no on the cancer diet since it has so much concentrated sugar.

I decided to honor my craving and later found out that figs contain a cancer-fighting compound called psoralen. I eat these figs with fresh raw organic walnuts that also have been shown to decrease colon tumor growth. So maybe my body was trying to tell me something with this craving.

Exercise

Had a full day with morning prayers, exercises and hiking barefoot. I feel so much better when I do my full regimen of morning prayers and movements outdoors. I also did qigong walking.

Relationships

I’m finding it challenging when I have to deal with people who still see me as I was in the past. They don’t seem to see the me of the present. I know I have to let go of this feeling of injustice. So many of my friends see and love who I am now. It just stings when family members can’t or refuse to be present with me.

Spirituality

Clearing very subtle emotions and injuries. Learning to stay relaxed when being poked, knowing that my soul will always be intact.

Kūkae (BM)

The bleeding has come back, although it is a different form. Seems like my bloody BMs are more heavy, coagulated sediment rather than liquid blood.

I’m also aware that the moon is almost a new moon, so bleeding might reflect that.

Aloha Healing 10/4/2015

moon_day_last ‘Ole Kû Pau
Māhoe Hope 4

Had “The Talk” with my mom this morning. And it was…beautiful.

At one point I asked her how she could let her child get beaten in front of her eyes.

She said that she sometimes tried to pull my step-father off of me, but he would shove her away. She also shared that she would often cry afterwards or blame herself for what happened because she had said something that caused the beatings.

When I heard these confessions, I remembered times when my mom was crying after I got beaten. I also vaguely remember her trying to pull my step-father off of me.

She also said that she would try to talk to my step-father afterwards and tell him that it was too much, but he wouldn’t listen. She even told him that he needed anger management work, but he said that she didn’t know what she was talking about.

It felt good to know that my mother was trying to help me. I thanked her and told her that I loved her.

Later in the evening, in a healing session with Roma Hammel, I told Roma about the talk with my mother. She stopped me mid-sentence and said, “Where are you in your body right now?”

I was no where to be found–all mind, all talk. She then lead me back into my body to “restore to life” that inner child that had learned to dissociate in order to protect himself. I was trying to resuscitate him, but I wasn’t present enough in my own body to blow life back into him.

Roma asked me about when I felt most alive. I told her about a wave I caught while in college at UCSB. It was a huge day at Campus Point, and I pulled into a gaping barreling right. I was so far back in the tube that I instinctually reached my right hand forward which shifted the weight on my surfboard. The foam ball inside the tube came up under my board and shoved me out of the barreling wave.

After I told this story in the present tense as if it was happening right now, my whole body was buzzing with excitement, adrenaline, and aliveness.

“That is the way I want you to bring that young child back to life,” Roma said. “Just like that wave, I want you to shove him gently back into embodiment.”

We went and found the inner child again, and I breathed strong breaths into his body. I pulled him to my heart and let him feel my love.

When he came back to life, we let him vent his anger: “Stop. Never again! Don’t touch me,” we screamed.

Then I cradled him again and told him how I would protect him and never leave him. How I loved him: “Thank you for all the love and joy you bring into my life,” I whispered.

At a certain point that child that I was cradling became me. Roma asked if I wanted to lay on the floor. So I laid down in the fetal position. She covered me with blankets and stroked my back, legs, and hair. After sometime, she left the room, “You can stay here as long as you want, even hours.”

I lay there reliving so many amazing experiences in my life. It felt like I was sharing these experiences with that child who had missed out because he was numb or asleep. After about 45 minutes, I opened my eyes and the whole room looked different. I saw colors and shapes I had never seen before, even though I had been in this room dozens of times. My body felt different as well.

Roma came back and asked me to tell me my name, “Marshall Makala Kozo Hattori,” I said.

“Say it like the warrior that you are,” Roma replied.

“Marshall Makala Kozo Hattori,” I roared.

“Yes, embody that gentle warrior. Be fully present and substantive to who you are,” she said.

“What is up for you now?” Roma asked.

When I told her how i was going to continue blogging and sharing this dis-ease to help and heal others, she said, “You are contracting again. Do you feel that? We tend to revert back to our old habits. Fully inhabit who you are.”

I was reminded of an experience I had at the healing ceremony with Michael. Michael asked if anyone wanted to share a prayer, so I started chanting a Hawaiian oli–E ala E. On the second time through, I felt the presence of powerful ancestors behind me chanting through my body and mouth.

After the ceremony, everyone shared that how much power they felt when I invoked Hawaiian spirits into the space.

What I am realizing is that I need to embody those ‘aumakua, as well as the ‘unihipili (child/unconscious spirit in Morrnah Simeona’s ho’oponopono practice) at all times.

Like the sun, I must shine brightly no matter how dark the clouds. The oli, E ala e, is actually a sunrise prayer that means “Arise! Awaken!”

So grateful for all the Light, Love, and Wisdom I was shone today.

When I was leaving my mom’s house, she said, “Well, I hope everything turns out ok.”

“It already has, mom,” I said truthfully.

Diet

Raw foods and juices with oatmeal. I’m really enjoying the flax seed crackers I dehydrated.

Exercise

Did morning prayers before heading to my mom’s. While saying the St. Francis prayer, I couldn’t remember the third line, even though I say this prayer every day.

Finally it dawned on me walking back to my car, “Lord make me an instrument of thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon.”

This reminded me of why I was going to my mom’s house.

Later in the afternoon, I took a nap then swam 7 laps in the pool. In the peak of summer I was swimming 10 laps, so I feel pretty good about doing 7 today.

Relationships

So much love and connection with my mom and my younger self. I feel loved and loving.

Spirituality

I’m learning to balance compassion with power and presence. I want to continue emitting Light and Love through each and every cell in my body. Embodied awakening is a moment by moment practice.

Kūkae (BM)

7:30 AM small sediment and a little blood followed by large “hot” BM with no blood

1:40 PM liquidy BM with blood

5:00 PM small BM with blood

6:40 PM small BM, mostly blood

The blood came back today, but not nearly as much or as frequent as before. Staying patient and observant. I’m kind of curious what each day brings.

Aloha Cancer 9/9/2015

waxing crescentKāne
Māhoe Mua 9

Woke up this morning and headed to the Keaiwa Heiau (Hawaiian temple) above Aiea on O`ahu. I entered the heiau to do my prayers and exercises with the rising sun and crowing roosters. Such a gift. After meditating for a while, I did some qigong walking around the heiau and noticed the waning crescent moon in line with the rising sun in the east.

Hawaiian HeiauThen when exiting the heiau, I learned that this heiau was for kahuna lapa`au (Hawaiian medicine men). They gathered herbs and plants and made them into medicine at this heiau. Lots of healing energy stretching back thousands of years.

Later, I met a Kumu Hula (Hula Teacher) who told me that the name of the heiau was one of her favorite words in Hawaiian. Āiwaiwa means “inexplicable, mysterious, marvelous, strange, amazing, fantastic, fathomless, incomprehensible, wonderful because of divinity.” What an amazing word. Wouldn’t it be great if we lived our lives āiwaiwa?

Diet

Had a great raw, vegan meal at Greens and Vines restaurant in downtown Honolulu. The Living Lasagne was tasty and filling. Talked to Chef Sylvia afterwards and she gave me some tips on how not to get bored with a raw diet. “Cook 1/4 portions and experiment with flavors and seasonings.” Great advice, since twice I have made almond hummus and ended up dumping 1/3 of it because it spoils or I get bored of it.

Exercise

Besides morning exercises at the heiau, I swam in the ocean at Ala Moana Beach Park. Water was salty, so it floated me without having to do much!

Relationships

Had a long talk with a friend who is counselor for elementary school children in Hawaii. We talked about compassion, boys, and the struggles boys have with compassion and school. It felt great to reconnect with someone after years of absence only to find out that we are on the same wavelength.

Missing Beryl and the boys. They call and tell me they love me. “Can I go to the heiau?” asked 5 year old Fox. So cute and inspiring.

Also, connected with two teachers at the Still and Moving Center where I am giving the workshop. They gave me support in my choice to heal from the dis-ease in an alternative way. It feels good to have support from near strangers on such a monumental decision.

Spirituality

Went to go buy a Hawaiian music Cd, only to find a cool bookstore that had tons of old books about Hawaii and Hawaiian spirituality. So much wisdom on this island. I learned a new ‘ōlelo no‘eau (Hawaiian wise saying): e puka aku me kāu mau makana–“emerge with your gifts.”

Or as Pono Shim says, “if you would honor us with your gift, we would hold it as valuable. Nothing was too big, nothing was too small; every gift was important. Everyone was valuable.” Reminds me that everyone has gifts to give and receive. This saying reminds me to be open to both giving and receiving.

For me this blog is both giving and receiving. I receive so much from every comment, yet many of the comments thank me for writing. 🙂

BM

Very little blood today. More green and brown than red. Sorry about the details, but I’m really trying to track any signs of change or healing. Had lots of energy throughout the day with swimming, socializing, reading, and driving. I did add a supplement rich in anti-oxidants this morning. Not sure if that made a difference.