This weekend at Interchange Counseling Institute, we were asked to bring in an unanswerable question–questions that seem to ask themselves over and over throughout our lives, that never seem to get a satisfactory answer.
“What do you never seem to be able to get (e.g. love, rest, a sense of purpose), though you put considerable energy into trying to get it? What always seems missing? What questions about how to be a person have caused you frustration over a long part of your life? What about yourself can you just not figure out? What challenges seem to pop up in every relationship you’re in, or across social interactions? What problems in a specific relationship won’t go away no matter how much you work on them?”–from Interchange Counseling Website.
We then wrote these questions on a piece of paper that we hung from our necks. Most people had questions like “Am I enough?”; “Am I loved?”; “Who am I?”; “How can I trust others?” “Do I exist?”
Maybe it was because I had done some deep re-parenting work at the last Interchange weekend, but my questions were more spiritual: “What does sex have to do with higher consciousness?” “What is consciousness?” In a small group, I workshopped my questions down to “What is really true?”
my tattered and tear-stained sign
After all 140 of us had our questions around our necks, we walked around the huge room and stood in front of each other silently, randomly. Our leader, Steve Bearman, informed us that our questions often pointed to interrupted development during our childhood. So we were to imagine each other as children and try to extend the love and resources others needed to heal.
For some reason, everyone who I stood in front of started crying. One woman who wore a sign that said, “Can I be trusted?” began to weep. I imagined her as a little girl wanting to be loved. “Oh, my sweet child, you can be trusted because I have nothing but love for you,” I thought. I opened my arms and hugged her softly as she sobbed.
Most of these people were complete strangers. I thought that they could psychically feel my thoughts and feelings that I had for them. It wasn’t until the exercise ended and my sweatshirt was full of watermarks from tears and runny noses that I realized what might have just happened.
When people had a question that had to do with being loved, being worthy, being enough, being deserving, they looked at my question, “What is really true?” and they felt deep inside themselves that they were loved, worthy, enough, and deserving.
When we really delve into what is true, we see and feel love.
So I ask you, my dear reader, what is your unanswerable question and what is really true?
Thank you for reading, smiling, and/or sharing.
everyday gurus 