Aloha Healings 10/26/2015

 Hoku
‘Ikuwâ 26

At this week’s Meditation Circle, I was fortunate enough to spend some quality time with a man whom I, and many others, consider a living saint, Jayesh Patel. As he sat down to eat, Nipun Mehta introduced me, telling him about my recent cancer diagnosis and how I had decided to refuse conventional treatment and pursue more natural and spiritual forms of healing.

Jayeshbhai immediately began rubbing my back. In Hawaii we call this ‘olu ‘olu—roughly translated as gentleness, but more accurately described by Auntie Pilahi Paki as to treat others like you would a baby. All night, I watched Jayeshbhai ‘olu’olu everyone he encountered. He patted the tops of their heads hugged them, squeezed their hands and arms, rubbed the backs of their scalps, and just loved them like a mother loves a newborn.

Jayeshbhai turned to me and without a touch of pity or fear said, “the natural man uses nature to heal, and if he doesn’t heal then he accepts it is the will of God.” {I’m recreating all these quotations from memory, so I apologize if I misquote anyone or anything.] This one sentence encapsulated everything I’ve been sensing into since I got the pathology report two months ago.

He told me about how this was my path and how I could use it to send ripples of peace and healing to others. Then he looked deep in my eyes and said, “But you must have faith and patience.” To tell the truth, I had been getting a bit impatient recently and even had some lapses of faith, so these words struck a chord deep inside me.

Earlier in the evening, Jayeshbhai shared with the circle that he wants to create a movement, not a campaign. Campaigns have a beginning and an end. Movements never end. There is no exit strategy in a movement. I realized that my journey with cancer is a movement. There is no end—no cure. There is only loving what is, consistently, persistently.

I told Jayeshbhai that I admired how he deeply connected with everyone he met. He replied, “I just want to see everyone as myself. I want to see myself in everyone. I want to experience everyone’s darshan.” He smiled and said how simple life is—just love, everyone and everything.

“You don’t fight cancer; you love it,” he offered. I replied, “Yeah, I want to have darshan with cancer.” We laughed.

Parveen came by and Jayeshbhai spoke to him in their native tongue. Parveen translated for me:

“Our parents decide to give birth to us, but no one decides when we die. It is in the hands of nature. It is nothing to fear. It is just nature.”

“You can be the example of equanimity for everyone to see. We all sit in meditation trying to cultivate equanimity, but you can show us what equanimity looks like with how you deal with your journey.”

Before I left, Jayeshbhai gave me the sweetest hug. He put his head in my chest and just held me. I wanted to kiss the top of his head—like you kiss an infant’s head when they fall asleep in your arms.

In the short time I got to spend with this saint, he shared so much love, understanding, wisdom, care, and gentleness with me that I felt like I had just gotten some radical new high-tech treatment. But it wasn’t radical. It wasn’t new. And it wasn’t high-tech. It was just love.

Diet

I had breakfast with my brother’s ex-wife who is visiting from Ireland. I asked her how people in Ireland get their vitamin D, since there is not much sunshine. She said that when she was a kid, her mom used to make her swallow cod liver oil. Now she feeds her 5 year old daughter this oil during the winter months. I laughed, because I’m taking cod liver oil supplements to get my vitamin D3.

Exercise

Doing my morning prayers every morning, but I missed a few movements and qigong walks. Today, I did the full program and barefoot hiking with my friend Oliver. I feel so much better when I do the full program.

Relationships

Had brunch with my mom, step-dad, brothers, Aunty and Uncle, and my brother’s ex-wife. It was wonderful. No bad vibes anywhere.

Spirituality

Everything in my life seems to be here to teach me “faith and patience.” In the face of anything and everything, I’m trying to maintain faith and patience.

My friend, Michael Brabant, sent me a Reginald Ray guided meditation on the perineum. “In the Toltec tradition, the perineum is said to be the place in the body where the most fundamental, primordial reality of this world is located…When we work with the perineum, we are working with the most fundamental depth of the earth. The perineum is actually the gateway to the earth in its most deepest aspect.”

This resonates with me since the tumor the doctors found is right above the perineum. I feel like I am being asked to get in touch with the most fundamental, primordial reality. I’m also being invited to reconnect with the ‘âina or earth. All my exploration of Hawaiian spirituality leads me to focus on my na’au (guts including the perineum) and the ‘âina.

In this guided mediation, Ray emphasizes the simultaneous interaction between the earth, the breath, and the perineum. When I breath into my perineum, I feel like I am healing both my na’au and the ‘âina. In Hawaian, the word “na’auao” means “the enlightened mind.” So the na’au is a gateway to fundamental reality or enlightenment, as well.

Kūkae (BM)

The bleeding is definitely tapering off. I’m having movements of sediment with no blood. I’m also having the largest BMs in terms of size that I have had in 12 months. I am sensing into the tumor becoming inconsequential or non-existent.

10/21

7:10 AM Blood and sediment. Medium BM

7:50 AM Medium BM

3 PM Medium BM

5 PM Sediment and blood.

6 PM Sediment

6:20 PM Blood and sediment

10/22

4:30 AM Blood and Sediment.

7:10 AM Blood and lots of sediment. Medium BM

8:10 AM Medium BM no blood

9:45 AM Large BM no blood

3 PM Small BM w/ little blood

6 PM Blood and Sediment.

10/23 and 10/24

Blood and sediment throughout the day with very little BMs.

10/25

6:30 AM Tiny Blood and sediment

8 AM Sediment with no/blood

10 AM Sediment with small BM

10:30 AM Sediment

7 PM Blood and sediment with small BM

10 PM Blood and Sediment.

10/26

2:30 AM Blood and Sediment.

7:30 AM Tiny Blood and Sediment.

8 AM Medium BM with blood

11:30 AM Huge Long BM no blood

3:30 PM Large BM no blood

 

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Aloha Healing 10/1/2015

Lâ’au Pau
Māhoe Hope 1

Today was a day of patience. Not much happening. Lost some financial support.

Diet

Raw foods and oatmeal. I did eat organic hummus with cucumber slices. Not sure if hummus is on the anti-cancer diet, but my body called for it.

Exercise

Did about 20 minutes of qiqong walking. Also, spent a lot of time in the sunshine. Got tired in the afternoon and had to take a nap. Overall, though, energy levels are pretty high. I don’t get tired walking up stairs anymore.

Relationships

One of my key relationships told me that they couldn’t support me and my treatments today. I’m learning to accept what is. We think that people will support us, but they don’t. We think that our mothers will protect us, but they don’t. Trying not to live in what I think should happen, and instead, live in what is happening.

Spirituality

Patience

Ahonui (patience) is calling. The whole day was asking me to be patient. I’d give myself a B+.

Kūkae (BM)

Some more blood today, although I still saw more sediment without much blood. Forgot to take a note card to keep track of BMs.

Aloha Healing 09/20/2015

‘Ole Kū Kolu
Māhoe Hope 19

My wife and I got in an argument about disciplining the boys this morning. She wanted more discipline, but I argued at what cost. She brought up my mother, and I said that is not a good example since she let her sons get beat for 12 years.

Then I totally lost it with my son Jett. I was yelling at him that if he didn’t get out of the house I would whip him. I told him how my step-father beat the crap out of us and if he didn’t behave i would do the same thing.

Last week, Alison reminded me of a famous Rumi poem:

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

After I blew up at Jett, I felt all the cortisol and adrenaline rushing through my body. I felt guilty for losing my equanimity and peace of mind. I felt horrible for Jett who had to witness this explosion. So I went to the park to do some prayers and Aloha Awakening movements.

Recently, I have been getting lazy with Aloha Awakening movements. I’m still on Hawaii time, so I sleep through the sunrise and often skip the movements.

This reaction helps me to see that I still have cleaning to do. I can’t get lax.

I also sensed into the way in which this reaction is a clearing. Alison is right: what we resists persists. Rather than try not to have “bad” thoughts or emotions, I’m going to host every emotion and feeling that comes up then clean the house after they depart. Clean, clean, clean. Let them make their mess, then clean.

Morning prayers and movements are daily cleaning. After prayers and movements this morning, I felt lighter. I felt like I had shined the light on some darkness and opened a window to allow it to go its own way.

Diet

Ate the split pea soup again and avocados for lunch. I’m slowly working into raw foods recipes. Right now I’m dehydrating a raw onion bread.

Tomorrow I think I’ll make some raw veggie rice nori roles. 🙂

Exercise

After morning prayers and movements, I spent time with Jett. Got really tired in the afternoon, so I took a nap on the benches when I took him fishing. When we got back home, I was exhausted, so I took another nap with some deep REM sleep. Not sure why I’m so tired, but I need to honor this process.

Relationships

Lots of conflict today. Jett and I made up by going fishing. Sending my wife love in any way I can.

Spirituality

I’m still trying to hear what the right path is. Today was interesting because I was really tired, had a blow up with my son, and bled quite a bit. Not sure what that means in terms of my body, but I’m trying to stay patient and aware.

 Kūkae (BM)

Small sediment in the morning, followed by pretty normal BM in afternoon, but evening brought quite a bit of blood. Did an 11 ph enema again today with a lot of blood. I also couldn’t take too much water or hold it very long.

Part of me is sensing into the importance of the moon cycles on this process. Not sure what the correlation is yet, but I’m staying curious.

A Knock Upside the Head by Mindfulness

Mindfulness is moment by moment practice. Sometimes we forget to be mindful and something will knock us upside the head to remind us.

The Animated GIF: The Antithesis of Mindfulness

People who like GIFs (a series of images that create the impression of movement) are the same folks who slow down on the freeway to try to catch a glimpse of something gruesome after a car wreck. Ok, that’s a bit of an over-generalization taken out of context meant to be incendiary, which is a pretty good definition of an animated GIF.

Cross Walk Guru: James 1:2-4

Sometimes the smallest incidents reveal the deepest secrets. I was standing at the cross walk in front of our condo with my two sons in a double stroller, when a woman walked up and pressed the button to cross the street, “beep.” I had already pushed the button before she arrived, but I just smiled and waited for the light to change. “Beep, beep,” again the same woman pressed the button twice more. When the light did not change, she went in for another round, “beep, beep.” I could tell that she was getting upset that her desire to cross the street was not instantly gratified. In my younger days, I would have said, “you know, it’s on a timer don’t you. You can press it until it plays Mozart, but the light will not change any faster.” Instead, I just watched the light for crossing traffic turn yellow, then red. Then the left turn light lit up, but still the disembodied red hand mocked us from across the 4 lane expressway. “Beep,” the woman poked the button one last time in anger.

After dropping my kids off at school, I returned to the same cross walk. “Beep,” I pressed the button. I started to think about how much work I had to do at home after I cleaned up the breakfast dishes. “Beep,” I unconsciously pressed the button again. Have you ever done this? Why do we do this?