Aloha Cancer 9/03/2015

kozo and wifeWoke up to talk to my wife after our 9th Wedding Anniversary. I told her that I have committed to her being my only lover for the rest of my life. I have kuleana  (responsibility) for her and my sons. I will be with her rain or shine, sickness or health, rich or poor, until death do us part.

It felt good to make this commitment. It puts a bigger picture around the daily conflicts or pilikia. We know that no matter what happens during the day, we will be there for each other. We will never abandon ship.

kit and berylI probably should have made this commitment when I said my vows during the wedding ceremony nine years ago, but I’m not sure I really understood them back then. Funny thing is that this weekend we are hanging out at Ocean Beach with my old friend, KIt, who was the officiant at our wedding. We have also agreed to re-take our vows in the redwoods on Monday.

According to Hawaiian spirituality, disease can come from conflict in relationships. Traditional ho’oponopono was a ritual to kala (liberate, cut) the ties that these conflicts have on us that cause us suffering and dis-ease. I believe I chose my wife before I came into this world to clear deep karma. If I don’t clear this karma, then i will not only die, but also need to come back to clear karma in a future life. Talk about life’s purpose!!!

I feel grateful to experience this clarity and take up this kuleana.

Diet

Same as yesterday. Avocados with almond humus. Eating beans tonight. Mangosteen and Apex. I started drinking honey and tumeric tea again. Will alternate with honey and ginger tea. Drinking some coconut water out of carton.

Exercise

Resting today. Not much exercise.

Relationships

Powerful bonding with my wife, Beryl. I feel like this is one of the most important centers of my healing. I am grateful that Beryl understands this and wants to support me. She cradled me last night like a baby for about 20 minutes. It felt so healing.

Spirituality

Said prayers this morning. Listened to my body and took a day off of exercise. Part of mâlama ko’u kino (nurturing my body) is to listen when it needs rest and give it rest.

BM

Still some blood in stool.

Sorry about the details, but I’m trying to document all the treatments and their effects on a daily basis. I want others who come after me to ‘ike (see/know) how to heal from this dis-ease.

Pushing Mother’s Day

This post is dedicated to my wonderful wife.

0101

Push

 

 

“Push, Push, Push”

Ignore the pain

Overcome the fatigue

“Push, Push, Push”

 

“Push, Push, Push”

Don’t think about the fear

Only you can save this child

“Push, Push, Push”

 

“Push, Push, Push”

Breastfeed, Soothe, Console

24 hours a day, repeat

“Push, Push, Push”

 

“Push, Push, Push”

Homework, face-time, college fund

Never enough at home or in the office

“Push, Push, Push”

 

“Push, Push, Push”

Love your child,

Love your partner,

Love your career,

“Push, Push, Push”

 

I see you, mother, laborer, lover

I feel your pain, your stress, your joy

I bow in gratitude, respect, and love

 

Happy Mother’s Day

 

Love,

Man

How Blogging Saved My Marriage and Life

A few months ago, my wife woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I had been up early getting the kids ready, so when she started criticizing me about how I was handling the morning chores, I lost it. After storming out of the house with my two sons, I almost threw my son’s lunch at a car that cut us off in the crosswalk. The whole day was full of conflict, frustration, and bad energy.

Reading my favorite bloggers later that evening, I realized that I was not a very good example of a Blogger for Peace. It hit me then that without peace in the home, we cannot have peace in the world.

Peace in Relationships

This photo is old, but it represents how I feel right now.

Continue reading

Love and Oppression

“Truth is on the side of the oppresed.”–Malcom X

I am an oppressor. I did not choose this position; it was given to me at birth. Ignorant of my privilege, I have abused this undeserved power throughout my life. Not until one of the oppressed loved and forgave me was I able to see the massive power structure that I inherited with my Y chromosome.

On this Valentine’s Day while a billion people are dancing to end violence against women, I want to call out to all other male oppressors to lay down their weapons and commence dismantling this Patriarchy the empowers us. The dismantling will not be easy because the system is entrenched in everything we know. Continue reading

1978 Suburban Guru: “Pimp Your Marriage”

hood ornament from suburban

While walking home from dropping off my kids at school, something crept up on me that I haven’t seen in over 20 years. Moving about as slow as a three-toed tree sloth with a gentle purr that cloaked the V-8 power beneath the powder blue paneled exterior appeared a mint condition 1978 Chevy Suburban. This behemoth was the grandfather of all modern SUVs, and like most grandfathers from back in the day, the Suburban could kick the crap out of any of his cheeky grandsons. With three full sized bench seats, the Suburban could comfortably SLEEP three intoxicated adults. Just the sight of this classic beach car flooded me with memories of Mexican beaches, tan bodies, and early morning surf sessions. But enough of this mid-life crisis penis envy about a muscle truck. What really mattered sat inside the Suburban. Continue reading