Aloha Healing 9/26/2015

moonHoku
Māhoe Hope 26

Diet

All raw foods today except oatmeal in morning. Tasted and felt great. Second day of Moringa powder. Feeling good.

Exercise

Got a good night’s sleep and woke up to do full prayers and movements. Took an afternoon nap, then went to a birthday party with Jett and Fox at Pump It Up. Spent some time jumping up and down in a jumpy house. Supposedly, jumping on a trampoline strengthens your lymph nodes and immunity.

After the party, I took Jett fishing, so it was a pretty full day. I’m thinking that maybe I just need to take afternoon naps everyday.

Relationships

Talked to my mom about scheduling time to talk in person. We tried to carve space on Monday, but it turns out I have another appointment, so we will have to reschedule. I am grateful that my mom is open and available to talk to me.

Spirituality

Have been in awe of the clouds lately. So much beauty. Life can be a heaven on earth.

clouds

Kūkae (BM)

Lots of blood again today. I even had to go to the restroom a few times just to eliminate blood. I’m going to be patient and instigate these new treatments. I also think that the near full-moon (Hoku) might have something to do with the bleeding.

Aloha Healing 9/25/2015

waxing gibous 90Akua
Māhoe Hope 25

Had an amazing healing session with Roma Hammel today.

Roma is an expert of embodied realization. She has trained with Judith Blackstone who put Roma in charge of her Esalen retreat.

Roma has always noticed how I like to lift out of my body. When she guided me to open my heart chakra, I felt the light immediately go to the tops of my hands and my head like a halo. Roma asked me what emotion I felt when I lifted out my body. I used to think that I just wanted to ascend to higher consciousness, but I realized that this movement stemmed from fear, to feeling unsafe. I just wanted to escape.

I became conscious of how I often ignore my lower body and backside. Roma must have sense this as well because she told me to inhabit my feet as if my head or mind dropped down into my feet. We sensed into all parts of each foot–the toes, the outer and inner edge, the heel, and the arch. I noticed that my left heel was a bit numb and raised which brought back the memory of stepping on wana (sea urchin) when I was a kid in Hawaii. My grandfather told my brother and cousin to pee in a bucket that I would stick my foot in. It was a painful, traumatic, and embarrassing experience. When I released this memory, my heel “came back to life.”

I then released memories of wearing restrictive shoes to correct my knees as a child. Every trauma I released brought more life into my feet. They felt more aware and sensitive. Joy also emanated from every cell in my feet.

Roma instructed me to move up the legs, focusing on keeping the weight underside. When we got to the okole (butt), I felt a tightening of my genitals. A memory of having the tentacle of a jelly fish get stuck in my swim trunks arose. When I was about nine, my whole genital area was stung by this trapped jelly fish.

I also had the memory of getting a really bad heat rash on my penis while in Hawaii. My grandmother would have to put hydrocortisone on my penis which felt soothing, but also awkward. My Hawaiian grandfather also took me to his doctor friend who gave me several injections of penicillin every week for the rash.

Releasing all these traumatic experiences helped me inhabit my genitals again. I felt them soften and grow, rather than tense and contract. I was aware that this area was close to my rectum where the tumor is supposed to be, so I started to relax the whole area, especially the perineum.

babyWhen I shared this with Roma, she gave me the adorable image of a naked baby lying on its back with its feet and knees in the air. “When the baby breaths, its perineum expands and contracts with each breath.” I ballooned my perineum as I breathed in and let it contract as I breathed out. It felt like I was nurturing this sensitive area like a little baby again.

As i loosened my perineum, a saying popped into my head: “tighten your sphincter.” We used to say this in surfing and snowboarding when confronted with fear. Fear in my genitals, perineum, and root chakra were making me tighten my sphincter which trapped in negative energy. It makes complete sense that I got a tumor in my rectum. Now I just have to relax my sphincter and let out all the kūkae (crap) from the past.

We moved around the pubic bone to the tail bone and the sacrum. When we got to the sacrum, I felt locked. Roma shared that my energy field contracted around the sacrum. She said that when our energy contracts we not only get locked up, but also open ourselves to other people’s emotions and energies. A few weeks earlier, Leyna said that I had a gap in my energetic field on my backside.

As I tried to re-invigorate the sacrum, it occurred to me that this is the area that my step father would whip me with a belt. The same fear and lack of safety feelings arose again. I breathed into the area and tried to reclaim them with warmth and love, but I kept feeling myself rising up out of my body, as If I was trying to escape the beatings.

Roma put her hands up and said firmly, “NO!” I followed suit, put my hands up, and yelled, “No!” over and over again. Finally, I screamed, “Stop!” with my hands up, as if I was saying stop the violence. I felt my sacrum loosen a little.

After working in this area for some time, Roma said that she wanted to try one more thing. She wanted to reprogram the ideal mother into my body. She asked me to describe my ideal mother.

The PietaImmediately the image of a mother cradling my head and stroking my forehead that I had experienced with Giovanni in Hawaii appeared. The ideal mother was saying, “my son, my son,” which brought back flashes of my friend Preeta sharing her experience in Rome with The Pieta. Tears flowed down my cheeks.

I told Roma that the ideal mother would be saying, “I love you, my son.” Thinking of Jesus and The Pieta, I said that she might say, “Although I can’t always protect you, I will always love you.”

Roma stopped me and said, “Jesus was a man. You were a child. I don’t think the ideal mother would say that. What would the ideal mother say?”

I put one hand up while still cradling with my other hand and yelled, “NO!”

“Yes,” Roma added. “Never again! If you lay one more finger on this child you will never see us again. Get out. Leave. Don’t you dare touch this child.”

“Like a mama bear,” I sobbed.

“Like a mama bear,” Roma said. “Feel the power of a mama bear.”

As I visualized the mama bear in the Disney documentary Bears that I had taken Fox to see earlier this year, I felt my sacrum releasing. I finally felt safe, loved, and cared for.

When I put my hands in prayer position to my forehead to thank Roma for this powerful healing, I felt waves of sadness pour out of me. It felt like an archetypal catharsis.

I shared with Roma that my step father used to beat my mother, but at one point she told him that if he ever hit her again, she would leave forever. He never hit her again.

“Why didn’t she do the same for me?” I asked. “She had the power, but she chose to let me continue to get beaten.”

“That is so wrong, Kozo. That is your mother’s karma. The ideal mother would never chose her own safety over that of her child,” Roma shared.

So grateful for Roma who gifted me these healing sessions. I also received surprise gifts from the Bock family. I did hospice care for Trudi Bock until she passed away this past spring. My dear friend Oliver Bock gave me a check for $500 today. His brother decided to give a gift to some of the caregivers.

Oliver also gave me a bag of Moringa powder that is suppose to cure everything. Amazing how the Universe provides exactly what we need, when we need it.

Diet

Had lunch with Oliver at Lyfe in Palo Alto. Had Red Thai Curry with tofu. Not exactly raw vegan, but I was being gentle with myself after the powerful healing in the morning.

My qigong master, Joe, who lives with Roma, really urged me to take the soft-shell turtle soup. Roma said that in 26 years she had seen Joe cure many people of cancer, including his own son who was given a few months to live. Joe worked together with an oncologist at Stanford to cure his son who has been cancer free since 2005.

I’m going to honor Joe’s expertise and persistence and take the soft shell turtle soup. He also said to soak the shells in vinegar over night, bake them until they are crispy the next day, and pound them into powder that I can consume everyday. I let everyone know how this works out.

Exercise

Got a full 8 hours of sleep. Did prayers, but no movements this morning because I had to drop boys off at school and quickly get to Roma’s house.

I’m not sure if it was from the sleep or the moringa, but I had energy all day today.

Relationships

I feel more at rest with my relationship with my mother. I still want to talk to her, but I feel like I can heal without her apology, explanation, or consent.

Spirituality

I’m grateful for all the angels, friends, and helpers who are sharing wisdom, generosity, and love with me everyday. So grateful.

I’m also realizing that cancer is a very small part of the healing that is going on. The tumor was actually just a catalyst for real spiritual healing that I needed to do in this lifetime. I tended to focus all my attention on this one popular dis-ease, but the truth is that it is just a very small bodily manifestation. The deeper wounds are spiritual, energetic, archetypal.

Kūkae (BM)

Again, lots of blood. I’m trying to stay sincerely curious without being judgmental.

Cancer and Money 9/24/2015

waxing gibbousHua
Māhoe Hope 24

I’ve been sensing into something lately that I don’t quite have a grip on yet, but it feels important. These are my incipient thoughts.

Cancer is a rich person’s dis-ease. This statement has multiple access points.

First, I’m starting to believe Fred Ho, author of Diary of a Radical Cancer Warrior: Fighting Cancer and Capitalism at the Cellular Level that cancer and capitalism are inextricably linked: “Capitalism is the cancer for Mother Earth; cancer is the capitalist toxicity for the human individual.”

I had a similar vision when I chanted the Hawaii state motto: Ua mau ke ea o ka ‘âina i ka pono (the life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness). I saw cancer in my body as a reflection of not being in alignment with the land–that which sustains us. In a sense, I saw the Earth with rectal cancer–it had too much kûkae (crap) that it couldn’t clear and was suffering from too much heat in the body (global warming).

Now I’m realizing that not being pono (righteous) is closely linked with capitalism. When large corporations pollute the earth, the reason they aren’t pono is because they are trying to make money. Think how much lying, cheating, stealing, exploitation, violence, and abuse are the direct result of the coveting of money.

I would like to note that Fred Ho’s book was gifted to me by a dear friend who came to an Aloha Awakenings workshop. Rather than pay me with money, Brother Zilong chose other forms of capital–he shared wisdom, brotherhood, and community by giving me this book. In a way, his gift has been a powerful gesture in healing cancer and capitalism on a cellular level.

In the late stages of his war on cancer, Fred Ho’s conversion to a raw foods diet was not only a healthy shift away from a “rich” diet of animal based foods, but also a monkey wrench in the capitalist machinery that creates and profits from rich diets.I’m finding that a raw foods diet eliminates cravings for restaurants, junk foods, brand name products, and over-consumption. It also decreases my dependence on the huge capitalistic enterprise known as Western allopathic medicine.

In the documentary film Forks over Knives, Dr. T. Colin Campbell recounts how he discovered in the Philippines that the country’s wealthier children, who were consuming relatively high amounts of animal-based foods, were much more likely to get liver cancer. One of the things that triggered my cancer was vitamin D deficiency. Vitamin D deficiency can be seen as a class based disease–only those who could afford to stay indoors for work became deficient. In Asian countries like the Philippines, the whiteness of one’s skin defines beauty, class, and privilege. Dark skinned field workers are rarely deficient in Vitamin D. The combination of more time in the sun and less animal products seems to help lower classes resist cancer.

Another way cancer is a rich person’s disease is that it costs a lot to survive cancer. Within minutes of discovering the tumor in my rectum, the doctors were ordering biopsies, CT scans, ultrasounds, blood tests, and appointments with specialists. Many of these were not covered by insurance.

Two examples, 1) I had a one hour consultation with an oncologist which cost over $600. Insurance covered $100. 2) After the initial colonoscopy, the doctors ordered a sigmoidoscopy with ultrasound. While prepping for the procedure, I decided that I didn’t need an anesthetic which meant that I didn’t have to be monitored after the sigmoidoscopy and could leave without someone having to pick me up. When I got the bill back, the hospital still charged me $2000 for the gastrointestinal prep and $800 for the recovery room that I spent less than ten minutes in to get dressed.

Even alternative treatments for cancer can break your piggy bank. I’m using one called the Dirt Cheap Cancer Protocol. Some of the treatments in this protocol include eating six frozen lemons and drinking a quart of carrot juice a day. Buying six organic lemons and a quart of organic carrot juice everyday adds up to $180 per month. An organic foods diet also increases monthly food bills. Add to this the cost of supplements like Mangosteen ($145/month), Apex ($100/month), cod liver oil, organic sulfur, Beta Glucan, spirulina, wheatgrass, chia seeds, and flax seed oil. As you can see, it can cost a lot to heal.

Of course, one round of chemotherapy would set me back over $10,000. I don’t even want to think about the cost of surgery and radiation treatments. Fred Ho estimates that his financial obligation for his allopathic treatments exceeded $1,000,000. This explains the feeling I got while talking to the surgeon. It was like I was in a used car lot. “If you were my brother, I would advise you to get this surgery,” he said. “I really care about you, Mr. Hattori.” As he said this, I pictured the cartoon characters I’d seen as a child with dollar signs in their eyes.

What all this bookkeeping boils down to is that in order to heal the dis-ease in my body, I need to heal my relationship with money. I used to think that if I had a certain amount of money then I would free myself from financial worries. What cancer has taught me is that I need to get to the root of financial worries in order to live a healthy, happy life. The more I cut my ties with the capitalist matrix, the closer I get to the ‘âina (land which sustains us) and the more pono (righteous) I become. Participating and believing in a gift ecology deepens my healing and liberation from money and dis-ease. This is one of the most powerful cures for cancer I have found.

Diet

Had a tasty raw vegan pizza made of sunflower seed and wheat berry raw crust topped with macadamia nut spread, avocados, sprouts, cherry tomatoes, and Brazil nut Parmesan. Very tasty.

I’ve been impressed with the raw foods diet, although I have to figure out what to do when I don’t have time to do all the prep work.

Exercise

Woke up at 3:30 AM and started writing this article, so by the time 7:30 AM came along I was exhausted. No prayers or movements. Did some walking in the sunshine.

With only 4 hours of sleep I was exhausted later in the afternoon. Not sure how much of the fatigue is from the dis-ease and how much is from the lack of sleep.

Relationships

Deepened my relationships with my co-workers by gifting them with mac nuts and coconut water.

Spirituality

I feel like I was awoken at 3 AM to write about cancer and money. I’m happy that I got it down, so I can refer back to this topic in my healing journey. So grateful for whatever inspired me.

Kūkae (BM)

Lots of blood today. Maybe the amount of bleeding is not a good indicator of my progress. I realized that I sat in meditation for an hour then sat on a tile floor for another hour for circle sharing last night. Maybe the blood in my stool is from the strain of sitting on the floor for two hours.

Aloha Healing 9/22/2015

waxing Gibbous

Huna
Māhoe Hope 22

I appreciate all the love and comments I have been getting on this blog. I agree that I really need to delve into my relationship with my mother. I will write about this after I have a heart to heart with her–I promise.

I had a day that had little to no conflict in it. We are taking our sons out of a Chinese Language Immersion school and putting them into a normal elementary school. Jett was crying that he doesn’t want to leave his friends. I tried to be compassionate and let him feel his grief. We ended up getting to Beryl’s apartment late and she was not happy. I tried not to react and was able to drop the boys off without an argument.

It feels good to have an entire day without conflict. I’m even finding that I don’t get upset with drivers, litterbugs, and unscrupulous people. Someone stole Fox’s bike today, but I didn’t look down on the thief. I guess they needed the bike or the money more than we did.

Diet

Ate the veggie sushi and split pea soup leftovers today. For some reason, I had a lot of gas today. Not sure if it is the daikon or too much alkalinity in the body from all the alkaline water I have been drinking.

I realized today that besides Apex,Mangosteen, and psycho/spiritual practices, I’m not really doing any cancer treatments. Diet is not necessarily a cancer treatment. I need to start regularly applying powerful cancer treatments. I’m going to make an intention to start these treatments in the next week.

Exercise

Again, I did early morning prayers and movements. I’m feeling more flexibility in my hips and hamstrings. My body is very skinny, but tone. I did my exercises, dropped the boys off at school, worked 5 hours, and still had some energy in the afternoon.

Relationships

Like I said, not much conflict today. We’ll see how many days I can keep this up.

Spirituality

Been having some bizarre and vivid dreams lately. The funny thing is that my body doesn’t get involved. I used to have dreams about fighting or surfing, and my body would get all tense. I would even grind my teeth. The other night I had a dream about having to fight my high school friend to the death and I didn’t tense up at all. I ended up running away and jumping down a building into a prison, but I still didn’t get tense in the body.

Same thing goes for semi-erotic dreams. I have to say that my sex drive is really low. I don’t even wake up with morning wood. I’m not trying to be graphic, but I want to document any possible symptoms or reactions I’m having to this dis-ease and the treatments. Perhaps a low protein, sugarless diet is lowering my libido.

Kūkae (BM)

Just when i thought I was entering a pattern??? Today, I had a lot of bleeding and sediment throughout the day. I am aware that we are entering a new phase of the moon from ‘ole pau to huna. Not sure if that is a factor. Trying to be patient.

I also stopped taking the cod liver oil because I want to get a urine sample to do an assessment of my treatment and excess vitamin D messes with the test. I will get the sample on Thursday and get back on cod liver later that day.

Aloha Healing 9/21/2015

first quarter moon

‘Ole Pau
Māhoe Hope 21

Had a qigong session with a qigong master today. He wants me to start eating soft-shell turtle soup with herbs. Not sure if I am ready to consume animal product again, much less little soft shelled honu. We also did qigong walking. He suggests I do this walk 2 hours a day.

Had Men’s Group tonight which focused on relationships with mothers. I made an intention to go talk to my mom about my childhood. Part of me is afraid that I might hurt her feelings or make her sad, but as one of the members of the group pointed out, it is not a child’s role to take care of the parent–of course, as we age we do have a responsibility to take care of our parents, but as children we often take on that burden.

I’m really feeling into how this dis-ease has to do with feelings that I have not released around my mother and childhood. I still get triggered when my wife brings up my mother as an example of good parenting. I still picture her with her arms crossed, tapping her toe, while I plea with her to stop my step-father from beating me.

Diet

Made some delicious veggie sushi today including “veggie rice” made of chopped up daikon root. This meal gave me confidence that I can live with this raw veggie diet and enjoy myself.

Exercise

Did early morning prayers and movements to the sunrise. Felt good to start the day off with prayer and movement.

Relationships

Deepened my relationship with the men in the men’s group by talking about our relationships with our mothers. Surprising how similar we all are.

Spirituality

While talking about my biological mother, I also mentioned the Reiki experience in Hawaii where I felt cradled by the Divine Mother. It makes me realize that I am being nurtured just the way I want, just not by my biological mother. Reminds me of what an Akashic records reader told me, “Our spiritual family is far more satisfying than any relationship we will have in life.”

Kūkae (BM)

It seems I’m in a pattern of blood sediment in the morning, followed by normal BM all day, then blood at night. I actually slept through the whole night last night without having to go to the bathroom.

Aloha Healing 09/20/2015

waxing moon

‘Ole Kū Kolu
Māhoe Hope 19

My wife and I got in an argument about disciplining the boys this morning. She wanted more discipline, but I argued at what cost. She brought up my mother, and I said that is not a good example since she let her sons get beat for 12 years.

Then I totally lost it with my son Jett. I was yelling at him that if he didn’t get out of the house I would whip him. I told him how my step-father beat the crap out of us and if he didn’t behave i would do the same thing.

Last week, Alison reminded me of a famous Rumi poem:

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

After I blew up at Jett, I felt all the cortisol and adrenaline rushing through my body. I felt guilty for losing my equanimity and peace of mind. I felt horrible for Jett who had to witness this explosion. So I went to the park to do some prayers and Aloha Awakening movements.

Recently, I have been getting lazy with Aloha Awakening movements. I’m still on Hawaii time, so I sleep through the sunrise and often skip the movements.

This reaction helps me to see that I still have cleaning to do. I can’t get lax.

I also sensed into the way in which this reaction is a clearing. Alison is right: what we resists persists. Rather than try not to have “bad” thoughts or emotions, I’m going to host every emotion and feeling that comes up then clean the house after they depart. Clean, clean, clean. Let them make their mess, then clean.

Morning prayers and movements are daily cleaning. After prayers and movements this morning, I felt lighter. I felt like I had shined the light on some darkness and opened a window to allow it to go its own way.

Diet

Ate the split pea soup again and avocados for lunch. I’m slowly working into raw foods recipes. Right now I’m dehydrating a raw onion bread.

Tomorrow I think I’ll make some raw veggie rice nori roles. 🙂

Exercise

After morning prayers and movements, I spent time with Jett. Got really tired in the afternoon, so I took a nap on the benches when I took him fishing. When we got back home, I was exhausted, so I took another nap with some deep REM sleep. Not sure why I’m so tired, but I need to honor this process.

Relationships

Lots of conflict today. Jett and I made up by going fishing. Sending my wife love in any way I can.

Spirituality

I’m still trying to hear what the right path is. Today was interesting because I was really tired, had a blow up with my son, and bled quite a bit. Not sure what that means in terms of my body, but I’m trying to stay patient and aware.

 Kūkae (BM)

Small sediment in the morning, followed by pretty normal BM in afternoon, but evening brought quite a bit of blood. Did an 11 ph enema again today with a lot of blood. I also couldn’t take too much water or hold it very long.

Part of me is sensing into the importance of the moon cycles on this process. Not sure what the correlation is yet, but I’m staying curious.

Aloha Healing 9/18/2015

moon waxing

‘Ole Kū Kahi
Māhoe Hope 18

Boys had no school today, so we went hiking at Castle Rock Park.

I woke up exhausted. Low energy all day long. Tomorrow, I will do an 11.5 ph enema.

Trying not to have any bad thoughts.

Diet

Drinking at least a gallon of Kangen water everyday. It feels healing.

In the mornings I drink fresh vegetable juice followed by oatmeal with honey, flax seed oil, walnuts, and dates. Salad for lunch and Chipotle salad for dinner. Realized half way through the Chipotle salad that it probably has pepper in it which is a no no for cancer.

Finding it tough to find any restaurant in the South Bay Area that accommodates an anti-cancer diet. Berkeley, Honolulu, and San Francisco have raw food vegan restaurants, but Silicon Valley has none.

Took my son into 99 Ranch Market for the deli and felt sick just walking through the store. I will never shop there again. They are super cheap, but like I’ve heard over and over, “you can pay now or pay later.” For years, I tried to save money on my diet, but now I realize that cheap food is never worth it.

Exercise

Was too tired this morning to do movements, although I did prayers with Jett which was nice. Did hike around Castle Rock in the oxygen rich Santa Cruz mountains.

Relationships

Tried to keep peace in all my relationships. Following the Hawaiian concept of akahai, I am trying not to activate anyone–Beryl, my sons, even strangers or fellow drivers.

Spirituality

I am getting so much love and light from different spheres of my life, including this blog, that healing is inevitable.

 Kūkae (BM)

Had early morning bloody sediment, but for the whole day, i had nothing but semi-normal bowel movements. My last BM was bloody sediment, but I am definitely having long phases of intestinal health.

Aloha Healing 9/17/2015

moon waxKû Pau
Māhoe Hope 17

Getting back into the routine of life back home. Some powerful gifts came my way.

Gift Ecology

One of my meditator/Adyashanti friends offered to give me $5000 for the deductible for my insurance, so I could start getting treatments paid for by the plan. She also offered free energetic healings and her partner is giving me free qigong healings.

Saw my roommate and talked to him about the trip to Hawaii. He wanted to know how I have been monitoring the tumor. I said that I was researching ways to monitor, but haven’t found anything sustainable. I told him how one test cost $500.

“I don’t have a lot of money, Kozo. But I will give you $500 if it will help you assess your progress,” he said.

I am just amazed how people are offering whatever they have to help me on this journey. It really makes me believe in the gift ecology that I am trying to practice.

Divine Text Message

Another friend sends me beautiful photos via text message. She knows I love clouds, so she sent me a cloud photo with the caption, “Look Up!”

I looked up and took this photo.

cloud photoI like how it puts into perspective man-made obstructions to the Divine. It helps me realize that in the larger picture, this tumor is a tiny man-made obstruction in hands of the Divine.

Facebook Heaven

I got some feedback from the workshop I gave in Hawaii via facebook.

“Yesterday was one of the most beautiful days in my life… 🙏🏻
Thank you Makala Kozo Hattori to share with us your healing experience with Aloha Spirit…
I am so grateful for this opportunity, to be part of your workshop and to learn more about this powerfull way to live our lifes…Live with Aloha. Everywhere, Everytime with Everyone… 🙏🏻

A – Akahai, meaning kindness (grace)
L – Lokahi, meaning unity (unbroken)
O – ‘Olu’olu, meaning agreeable (gentle)
H – Ha’aha’a, meaning humility (empty)
A – Ahoniu, meaning patience (waiting for the moment)
‪#‎aloha‬ ‪#‎alohaspirit‬ ‪#‎livealoha‬ ‪#‎workshop‬ ‪#‎imsograteful‬ ‪#‎amazingday‬ ‪#‎lucktoliveinhawaii‬ ‪#‎lifeisbetterinhawaii‬”

Love all the emoticons and the hashtags at the end. #imsograteful

Home Awakenings

Attended Awakin Circle last night and basked in the circle wisdom. One participant shared that he stopped asking “Why me?” and started asking “What is the blessing in this event?” Another in the circle talked about his failure pruning a tree. He said that in the end, he realized that his job was to nurture and water the tree, not cut or control it. Great perspective on botany and cancer.

One of the regulars shared how she refused conventional medicine with a debilitating disease. After years of alternative treatment, she just got test results back that made her doctor view healing through new eyes.

Diet

Started making some raw food that excites me. The salad I made yesterday tasted healthy, nourishing, and joyful. Starting to see how I can enjoy this very spartan diet of raw veggies and grains.

diversity poster

Exercise

Did a full morning movement/prayer with qigong walking. A participant from the Los Altos workshop emailed me and inquired about joining me for morning rituals. I’m excited to share this daily practice with someone else and get motivation to wake up earlier.

Relationships

Watched an episode of “The Truth About Cancer” dvd series that Mandy gifted to me in Hawaii. One doctor talked about clearing emotional trauma. He said the same thing that my Hawaiian healer told me: You need to ask yourself why the cancer appeared where it did and when it did.

I still must be holding onto some kūkae (crap). Another doctor said that one bad thought can keep you in disease more than any bad diet. I’m trying not to have any bad thoughts–towards the teachers at my sons’ school; towards crabby people; towards inconsiderate people; towards loved ones and members of my family.

This doctor said that we take on emotional baggage from our mothers and fathers in the womb. Then in the first two years of our lives huge amounts of emotional trauma are passed onto us.

Reminds me to do more inner child healing sessions with Leyna. I’m also going to talk to my mom about what was going on when I was in the womb and the first two years of my life.

Spirituality

Lots of intense dreaming at night. I wake up with a light sweat.

I’m also drawn to sound healing. Started playing the ukulele again. Music and laughter are two things I want to increase in my life.

Kūkae (BM)

Slight tapering of blood. Still red sediment at the bottom of the toilet, but a lot less blood. Not a lot of kūkae, but this is understandable since yesterday I cleared a lot with 4 major BMs. Started using 11.5 ph water to dampen toilet paper. I think the real trick will be to do some 11.5 enemas, maybe combined with coffee.

Name Change

Some of you might notice that I changed the name of my postings from “Aloha Cancer” to “Aloha Healing.” Part of this has to do with me sensing into not having cancer anymore. I also don’t want to make cancer the focus of this blog or my life. I want to focus on the larger picture–the clouds, the Divine, the healing.

Aloha Cancer 9/16/2015

moon waxingKū Kolu

Māhoe Mua 16

It has been a whirlwind the last few days. Haven’t been able to post, so I’m going to summarize here.

September 12th, 2015

On the heels of the 14th anniversary of 9/11 attacks and the 23rd anniversary of Hurricane Iniki, the torrential rains of yesterday cleared up, and I woke up to blue skies over Oah`u.

Headed out to Kailua to the Ulupo Heiau where I was meeting a hula teacher named Malia Helela. Ulupo actually means “grow out of darkness.” So all these images and weather patterns seemed to indicate a coming into the light from the dark.

Ulupo Heiau

I got to the sacred site early, so I walked around to check out the huge rock walls. At the bottom of the heiau I heard a movement in a Ti leaf plant next to me. Turns out a mo`o (gecko) was jumping from leaf to leaf. Then as I walked back to the meeting place, a large seed of a Pū Hala tree hit me right on the top of my head.

Later I learned that a mo`o goddess was known to frequent the heiau. Maybe she was hitting me on the piko (top of the head/crown chakra) to wake me up.

Malia showed up with 30+ volunteers to clean up the heiau. I joined her team that was put in charge of clearing the auwai (waterways) to the lo`i (taro patches). Malia emphasized that we are clearing not only the auwai, but also our own waterways in our bodies, minds, and spirits. This hit me deeply, since I am literally clearing a tumor out of my intestinal waterway.

Another powerful insight that Malia shared had to do with the ua (rain). She said that she had been taught never to run from the rain because it was a blessing. Working in the wet taro patches with sprinkling rain did feel like a blessing.

I was so happy to clear muddy waterways that I lost track of time. With a quick farewell, I jumped in the car and headed back to my Auntie’s house in Aiea. By the time I got back, I realized that I had just enough time to either eat or shower before the workshop.

I was starving, so I chose food. Driving to the workshop in my muddy jeans and tee-shirt, it dawned on me that this was a powerful practice of ha`aha`a (humility). What better way to stay humble than to “lead” a workshop in clothes dyed by the ‘āina (land).

workshop facilitator

At the workshop 15 curious participants showed up. My cousin came with her husband and son. She told her son that he could leave whenever he wanted because they brought two cars. He ended up staying the full 7 hours.

Another woman said she had to leave after a few hours, but ended up staying for six.

In one part of the workshop we ‘olu‘olued (comfort/be gentle with) each other by cradling our partner like a baby. After the exercise, one participant was amazed that her partner sang her favorite childhood song to her–“You are my Sunshine.” It turns out that these participants had never met before. Giovanni said he just felt like humming something, so he chose that song.

After 7 hours, we were all tired, but I felt connected with everyone there. It was a wonderful first Aloha Awakenings in Hawaii.

As I was packing up, my cousin drove her car up and gave me a big box. It was a water ionizer machine. She had bought me the deluxe machine that costs over 3000 dollars! I came to Hawai`i for the “Ha” (breath of the Divine), the “wai” (water), and “i” (spirit). Now I was leaving with a lifetime supply of healing wai.

I have been drinking the ionized 9.0 ph water everyday, and I feel so much better. Thank you for your love and generosity, Marie. You are my favorite cousin. 🙂

September 13, 2015

I woke up before dawn and drove out to see the sunrise on the Eastside of the island. It was beautiful, but also pouring rain, so I came back and crashed in front of the television.

sunrise kailua

On the public television was a show on cancer. They discussed powerful natural cures including olena (turmeric). At Ulupo, I met one of Malia’s students named Kaiolena (ocean turmeric). I took this as a sign to include turmeric in my healing.

At lunch, I went to the store to buy poi (pounded taro paste). While walking in, I made eye contact with a large Hawaiian man who looked a lot like my Hawaiian grandfather. He gave me a huge Hawaiian smile. I took this as a sign that my grandfather was happy with me.

In the afternoon, I met my friend Darren at Kaimana beach to go swimming. We talked about healing relationships with our fathers. I told Darren how I had talked with my stepfather and did some inner child healing work around my biological father. He talked about healing the relationship with his father and his grandfather. “I just wish my grandfather had told me that he loved me and was proud of me. Just one time,” Darren said.

Darren and his wife are expecting a son, so I shared that we can tell our sons how much we love them.

Giovanni from the workshop turned out to be a Reiki Master, so he showed up around sunset to give me a session. Giovanni is a natural healer. He has very hot hands. In ancient Hawaii, they would choose children to become Kahuna LomiLomi (Masters of Healing Massage) by how hot their hands were.

At one point during the session, Giovanni had one hand on each of my feet. It felt very grounding and stable. While he had his hands on both my feet, I felt someone caressing my forehead. I had my eyes closed, and a thought occurred to me that someone else might be there looking through my backpack, but it felt so good to have healing hands on my feet and head that I just kept my eyes closed.

After the session (before I could tell Giovanni about my experience), he shared what the session was like for him. He said that he sensed the presence of a mother figure who was saying, “My son, my son” while he was grounding my feet. He also said that she sternly said, “Don’t give up; you know better.”

Giovanni also said that he almost started crying at one point when the iPod that was on shuffle played, “Ave Maria.” He felt the presence of angels surrounding us.

I remember recognizing the song and feeling a deep peace with the moment.

When I told Giovanni about feeling someone at my feet and forehead, he was blown away. He said he wasn’t sure if he should share what he experienced with me, but was glad he did.

What a day!

September 14th

Before boarding the flight back to California, I waited as long as I could to breathe in as much mana (power) from the ‘āina (land) as I could. The change in oxygen levels from Hawaii to the airplane to California were obvious.

sunset san jose

I landed to a gorgeous sunset in San Jose.

Diet

Ate a lot of raw vegan food in Hawaii. I also had poi which felt nourishing and healing. For a few dinners, I did eat tofu which tasted great, but I’m not sure how that affects the dis-ease.

I have to say that drinking this alkaline ionized water has been really powerful. I feel so much more hydrated and nourished.

Exercise

Did my exercises and prayers to the sunrise with some qigong walking at Kailua on 9/13 and some short exercises in the airport on 9/14. Not much exercises on the plane and I just crashed when I got home.

Relationships

Lots of stress in the home after getting back from Hawaii. Jett and Fox are acting out at school. Beryl is feeling overburdened. Trying to keep the Aloha spirit alive in Cupertino.

Spirituality

The session with Giovanni gave me confidence to pursue my current path. I do feel like I have angels watching over me.

Seeing the Hawaiian man in the grocery store felt very comforting–kind of like another angel.

Kūkae (BM)

Noticeably less bleeding. Still bleeding, but less bloody mess when I wipe. I also had a few BMs where there was no blood or very little blood. I also feel like I don’t have as much obstruction when i have a BM.

Got a few signs around enemas while in Hawaii–including Mandy gifting me 2 enema bags with organic coffee. I am considering doing enemas with 11.5 ph water since cancer cells thrive in acidic environments.

Aloha Cancer 9/10/2015

waxing crescentMauli
Māhoe Mua 10

Remembered what Uncle Paul Strauch told me and asked to enter the heiau this morning. The Gods answered with this anuenue (rainbow). So grateful for the blessings.

rainbow heieauSpent the rest of the day with my dear friend, Mandy, posting up flyers for the workshop. Mandy is pure joy. Even when we got detoured by traffic, she smiled and said, “Let’s go check out the surf at Makapu`u.” One healer told me that Love and Joy will heal cancer faster and more effective than any other treatment. Time with Mandy is full of love and joy.

We anonymously paid for juice and shave ice for those who came after us, leaving a smile card. We handed out flowers to strangers in parking lots. We laughed at how amazing life can be when you let go of the reins. The only problem with hanging out with Mandy is that she insists on paying for everything.

Diet

Had both lunch and dinner at Peace Cafe. Wonderful vegan food in a small space with tranquil decor.

Exercise

Just morning exercises and prayers. Ran around a lot passing out flyers. Did an oli (Hawaiian chanting) class with Malia and gave a small workshop for my friend Darren and his pregnant wife Chiaki.

Relationships

So honored to spend time with Darren, his wife, and his mother, Reggie. Even though Darren and I don’t see each other often, we still have a deep love for each other that has spanned three decades. At one point, Darren said with tears in his eyes, “I understand your choice and respect your spirit, but I don’t want to have to say goodbye to you.”

Spirituality

One of my friends has heart problems. The doctor wanted to do open heart surgery. After a few months, they checked her heart again and it had gotten better, so now they are holding off on the surgery. I want her to attend my workshop, so we can open the heart without scalpels. Just knowing that the body can reverse dis-ease all on its own is an inspiration and example for me. I am grateful for her authentic and vulnerable share.

BM

Lots of blood today. I was a bit perplexed, until I remembered that yesterday I drank a juice that had beets in it and ate oatmeal with grated raw beets. Maybe this isn’t blood, but beet coloring. I felt good all day, so not too concerned. Mandy told me all about coffee enemas, so I might start doing those when I get home.