Aloha Healing 9/21/2015

first quarter moon

‘Ole Pau
Māhoe Hope 21

Had a qigong session with a qigong master today. He wants me to start eating soft-shell turtle soup with herbs. Not sure if I am ready to consume animal product again, much less little soft shelled honu. We also did qigong walking. He suggests I do this walk 2 hours a day.

Had Men’s Group tonight which focused on relationships with mothers. I made an intention to go talk to my mom about my childhood. Part of me is afraid that I might hurt her feelings or make her sad, but as one of the members of the group pointed out, it is not a child’s role to take care of the parent–of course, as we age we do have a responsibility to take care of our parents, but as children we often take on that burden.

I’m really feeling into how this dis-ease has to do with feelings that I have not released around my mother and childhood. I still get triggered when my wife brings up my mother as an example of good parenting. I still picture her with her arms crossed, tapping her toe, while I plea with her to stop my step-father from beating me.

Diet

Made some delicious veggie sushi today including “veggie rice” made of chopped up daikon root. This meal gave me confidence that I can live with this raw veggie diet and enjoy myself.

Exercise

Did early morning prayers and movements to the sunrise. Felt good to start the day off with prayer and movement.

Relationships

Deepened my relationship with the men in the men’s group by talking about our relationships with our mothers. Surprising how similar we all are.

Spirituality

While talking about my biological mother, I also mentioned the Reiki experience in Hawaii where I felt cradled by the Divine Mother. It makes me realize that I am being nurtured just the way I want, just not by my biological mother. Reminds me of what an Akashic records reader told me, “Our spiritual family is far more satisfying than any relationship we will have in life.”

Kūkae (BM)

It seems I’m in a pattern of blood sediment in the morning, followed by normal BM all day, then blood at night. I actually slept through the whole night last night without having to go to the bathroom.

Love, Reign O’er Me

Looking back at my childhood, I realize that it wasn’t the 10 years of physical abuse by my step-father that hurt the most; it was watching my mother stand idly by as I screamed for mercy. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom. That was part of the problem.

Until recently, my whole life has been a desperate attempt to become loveable. As an Asian American growing up in the 80s, I loved this country. Yet my love was often rejected with angry chants of “go back to where you came from.”

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