“Remain Aware; Remain Equanimous”

I was trying to squeeze in my hour long Vipassana guided meditation while putting the boys to sleep. 3 year old Fox had a different agenda.

Fox Photo“Daddy, I’m hungry.”

“Daddy, I want my pink Shamu”

“Daddy, I have to go poo poo and pee pee.”

After restarting the audio track three times, I decided to ignore any further requests since it was now past 9:30 and both Fox and I needed to get to sleep.

Fox went on the hunt. He pulled out my headphones then started to climb on top of me. At one point, he was sitting on my shoulders when the guided meditation said, “Remain Aware; Remain Equanimous.”

I was just about to yell at Fox, “Get Off Me! I’m trying to meditate,” when I realized that I was not being equanimous. I was not accepting things as they were, but rather was trying to control things to my likings.

I almost laughed when I thought about something that KM Huber had posted on her blog recently:

“When coming out of sitting, don’t think that you’re coming out of meditation, but that you are changing postures” (Ajahn Chah).

Couldn’t giving my son loving attention so he could go to sleep be a different posture, a form of lovingkindness meditation? With compassion for my son and self-compassion for not finishing my evening sitting, I turned off the guided meditation and laid with Fox until he went to sleep.

In the middle of the night, I was awaken by Fox’s soft warm hands massaging my neck. He was still asleep. It felt like God was acknowledging my “sacrifice.”

Adyashanti says that at any moment, the only thing that exists is ultimate reality. So the question, “How do I sustain ultimate reality?” is  totally absurd.

“Since there is only enlightenment, which just means reality, whether we know it or not…the pertinent question is ‘how is it that I unenlighten myself moment to moment’.”~Adyashanti

By striving for enlightenment with my strict regime of meditation and ignoring the love and needs of my son, I was unenlightening myself. I was focusing on self and ego rather than recognizing how we are all connected. Our true practice lies not in sitting alone, but in how we interact with others.

Thank you for reading, smiling, and/or sharing.

Do you catch yourself striving for something that is already there? Please share.

Re-claiming Humanity

What do Star Wars and the Dalai Lama have in common?

This is my new path to peace. It is obviously inspired by Marianne Williamson and the Dalai Lama.

Thank you for reading, smiling, and/or sharing.

How would you reclaim your humanity? Please share.

P.S. I  am at a silent meditation retreat, but I look forward to responding to all your comments when I get back. {{{Hugs}}} kozo


July Post For Peace

Please enjoy the wisdom, humor, and peace in Grandmalin’s letter to the Spirit Guides of the Universe. {{{hugs}}} Kozo [still on vacation]

Breathing Space


Write a letter for peace and send it out into the Universe.

Dear Spirit Guides of the Universe,

I’ve been told I never ask for help (although heaven knows I need it and we could all use some.)  Being independent and stubborn and believing if I try hard enough I can do it on my own often leaves me feeling alone, confused, frustrated and afraid.  You know this, you’ve heard me whine and complain about it.  It’s too hard, I’m so lost, I just don’t know.  Finding this elusive thing called inner peace can be one colossal struggle.

There will always be issues, problems, and challenges;  I get that.  I know I’m just another wandering soul in this vast universe searching for enlightenment, and I know I’ve come this close.  I’d like to know why I shut my eyes tight at the last minute, sure that the light will blind me.

So I guess I could…

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A Letter for Peace to my Child

This letter had me in tears. The future looks bright with mothers and children like this on the horizon.


Dear {Insert top secret, hotly-debated name choice},

You don’t exist yet, at least not here. I don’t know when you’ll be a part of our lives, but I know deep down you will be. My mom, your grandmother, has this story of how she almost drowned before I was born. As she looked up through the water, she knew she had to stay, she saw two children, a girl and a boy. I’ve seen you in much the same way.

You appear in my dreams in circumstances I cannot attribute to just my overactive imagination. You love your dad and share rituals with him I do not understand, especially when it is time for a nap. I’ve felt you in my body, healthy and ready to be born. Others have seen you too. Your dad, your great aunt’s mom, my mom’s friend. They all know you’ll be here soon even…

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