Aloha Healing 09/19/2015

moon waxing

‘Ole Kū Lua
Māhoe Hope 19

Had a powerful talk with my wife this morning. We talked about how I can’t always focus my attention on myself. Funny thing about cancer is that it can be a real ego trip. You start thinking about yourself all the time because your life is at stake.

I had to empathize with what my wife is going through. She explained how she has to prepare for a future without me because the alternative treatments that I have chosen aren’t backed by research.

Later in the morning, I listened to an Awakin Call with German Herrera who shared this powerful quotation: “Living in relationship makes you not be the center of the universe…suddenly more than you is the center of your small universe.”

photo

Then I took the boys to see a Nimo concert where he offered the this nugget of wisdom: “Plant seeds to trees whose shade you will never sit under.”

The messages are clear: focus on others, nurture relationships, be humble.

My wife also gave me some helpful advice. If I am feeling tired like I was yesterday, just cancel all plans and rest. Tell other parents that I am just too tired–they will understand. It is the same thing I teach in Aloha Awakenings–mālama kou kino (take care of your body). I always tend to squeeze everything I can into my days. The new perspective is to take care of my body first, then I will have more days to spend with my sons, friends, loved ones.

Diet

Made a yummy split pea soup that the boys really loved. I ate avacodos for lunch with sunflower seed pate and grains.

Drank a lot of kangen water as usual. Felt so much better today than I did yesterday.

Also, started taking Cod Liver Oil as a vitamin D supplement. One of the results of a blood test I did in October 2014 indicated that I was deficient in vitamin D. Some alternative cancer protocals use large doses of vitamin D, so it seems I can grow two plants from the same root here (my non-violent way of saying “kill two birds with one stone.”)

Exercise

Did qigong walking all the way to the park (about 30 minutes) then did Aloha movements in the park. A friend sent me a video about Wim Hof (aka Iceman) who is able to withstand freezing temperatures and control his immune system with a breathing technique. The breathing technique is very similar to the rhythmic breathing in the qigong walk. I’m going to explore this since I’ve been sensing into a way to control my autonomic nervous system and immune system.

I think visualization is a way to control the immune system. Research has shown how visualizing an inexhaustible force breaking down the tumor has lead to tumors disappearing. I visualize my body as a waterfall with the mana (power) of the Universe coming through my crown chakra and cleaning/clearing my intestines/rectum.

Relationships

The talk with my wife helped a lot. Had a great time with the boys today. Seeing Nimo and ServiceSpace folks always puts a smile on my face.

Had a great laugh with my roommate. I was telling him how the doctor who gave me a sigmoidoscopy doesn’t know me from Adam, so if I retested he might not be able to do much of a comparison. “Yeah, your just another asshole he has to see,” said Dave.

Spirituality

Nimo was telling a young Stanford senior about something he heard Jayeshbhai say at the Gandhi ashram: “Don’t live in fear. If you are walking down a dark path guided by the light of a torch, you will not be able to see the end of the path. But if you just take the next step and let the light of your torch guide you in this way, the path will illuminate itself. In order for clarity to naturally arise, you have to take that small step.”

This reminds me of what Michael Lerner said, “go only at the pace of guidance.”

In my walk with this dis-ease, i will not live in fear even if I can’t see the end of the path. I will take small steps only at the pace of guidance.

 Kūkae (BM)

Blood and sediment seems to be tapering. I did an 11.5 ph enema. Lots of blood there, but I was able to take in and hold quite a bit of water, maybe 10 oz. I tried an enema a few weeks ago and I couldn’t even take in 2 oz or hold it for any period of time. Four hours after the enema today, I had a small bit of sediment come out with very little blood.

I’m not sure how often I will do these. They do seem to help and the 11.5 ph water is more natural than mixing baking soda and vitamin C.

Aloha Healing 9/18/2015

moon waxing

‘Ole Kū Kahi
Māhoe Hope 18

Boys had no school today, so we went hiking at Castle Rock Park.

I woke up exhausted. Low energy all day long. Tomorrow, I will do an 11.5 ph enema.

Trying not to have any bad thoughts.

Diet

Drinking at least a gallon of Kangen water everyday. It feels healing.

In the mornings I drink fresh vegetable juice followed by oatmeal with honey, flax seed oil, walnuts, and dates. Salad for lunch and Chipotle salad for dinner. Realized half way through the Chipotle salad that it probably has pepper in it which is a no no for cancer.

Finding it tough to find any restaurant in the South Bay Area that accommodates an anti-cancer diet. Berkeley, Honolulu, and San Francisco have raw food vegan restaurants, but Silicon Valley has none.

Took my son into 99 Ranch Market for the deli and felt sick just walking through the store. I will never shop there again. They are super cheap, but like I’ve heard over and over, “you can pay now or pay later.” For years, I tried to save money on my diet, but now I realize that cheap food is never worth it.

Exercise

Was too tired this morning to do movements, although I did prayers with Jett which was nice. Did hike around Castle Rock in the oxygen rich Santa Cruz mountains.

Relationships

Tried to keep peace in all my relationships. Following the Hawaiian concept of akahai, I am trying not to activate anyone–Beryl, my sons, even strangers or fellow drivers.

Spirituality

I am getting so much love and light from different spheres of my life, including this blog, that healing is inevitable.

 Kūkae (BM)

Had early morning bloody sediment, but for the whole day, i had nothing but semi-normal bowel movements. My last BM was bloody sediment, but I am definitely having long phases of intestinal health.

Aloha Cancer 9/11/2015

waxing crescentMauli
Māhoe Mua 11

Woke up this September 11th to a torrential rainstorm. On the 14th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks and the 23rd anniversary of Hurricane Iniki, I asked for permission to enter the Keaiwa Heiau. The rain and a feeling told me not to enter, so I did my prayers outside the heiau.

This day is also the last day of the moon cycle. Tonight the new moon (moku) goes dark and a new waxing cycle begins (hilo).

City of RefugeTomorrow feels like a new light punching through the darkness. It is no coincidence that I am hosting the first Aloha Awakenings Workshop on Hawaiian Lands.

Diet

Water seems to be the theme of the day. Not only is it pouring rain, but Crystal put a comment about Masaru Emoto’s water crystal photos. Then my cousin offered to buy me a $2000 water ionizer. “Money is no object, if it will help you live longer,” said my generous and loving favorite cousin.

Exercise

Listened to my body and rested today. I am aware that I have to facilitate a 7 hour workshop tomorrow, so getting rest is important.

Relationships

Obviously, I am honored by my cousin’s generous and thoughtful offer. Amazing how different friends and family members are showing love and support in different ways. So grateful.

Spirituality

Was suppose to go to a Hawaiian Bible study today, but it got cancelled due to the weather. Turns out that I needed a nap and some rest. I used to try to jam spirituality in my life. Now I take my time and rest when needed.

BM

After one of the longest BMs this morning that I have had in over a year, I had a lot of blood or beet juice during the day. Lots of blood sediment. Not sure what is going on, but I’m just trying to be patient and aware.

Aloha Cancer 9/10/2015

waxing crescentMauli
Māhoe Mua 10

Remembered what Uncle Paul Strauch told me and asked to enter the heiau this morning. The Gods answered with this anuenue (rainbow). So grateful for the blessings.

rainbow heieauSpent the rest of the day with my dear friend, Mandy, posting up flyers for the workshop. Mandy is pure joy. Even when we got detoured by traffic, she smiled and said, “Let’s go check out the surf at Makapu`u.” One healer told me that Love and Joy will heal cancer faster and more effective than any other treatment. Time with Mandy is full of love and joy.

We anonymously paid for juice and shave ice for those who came after us, leaving a smile card. We handed out flowers to strangers in parking lots. We laughed at how amazing life can be when you let go of the reins. The only problem with hanging out with Mandy is that she insists on paying for everything.

Diet

Had both lunch and dinner at Peace Cafe. Wonderful vegan food in a small space with tranquil decor.

Exercise

Just morning exercises and prayers. Ran around a lot passing out flyers. Did an oli (Hawaiian chanting) class with Malia and gave a small workshop for my friend Darren and his pregnant wife Chiaki.

Relationships

So honored to spend time with Darren, his wife, and his mother, Reggie. Even though Darren and I don’t see each other often, we still have a deep love for each other that has spanned three decades. At one point, Darren said with tears in his eyes, “I understand your choice and respect your spirit, but I don’t want to have to say goodbye to you.”

Spirituality

One of my friends has heart problems. The doctor wanted to do open heart surgery. After a few months, they checked her heart again and it had gotten better, so now they are holding off on the surgery. I want her to attend my workshop, so we can open the heart without scalpels. Just knowing that the body can reverse dis-ease all on its own is an inspiration and example for me. I am grateful for her authentic and vulnerable share.

BM

Lots of blood today. I was a bit perplexed, until I remembered that yesterday I drank a juice that had beets in it and ate oatmeal with grated raw beets. Maybe this isn’t blood, but beet coloring. I felt good all day, so not too concerned. Mandy told me all about coffee enemas, so I might start doing those when I get home.

Aloha Cancer 9/9/2015

waxing crescentKāne
Māhoe Mua 9

Woke up this morning and headed to the Keaiwa Heiau (Hawaiian temple) above Aiea on O`ahu. I entered the heiau to do my prayers and exercises with the rising sun and crowing roosters. Such a gift. After meditating for a while, I did some qigong walking around the heiau and noticed the waning crescent moon in line with the rising sun in the east.

Hawaiian HeiauThen when exiting the heiau, I learned that this heiau was for kahuna lapa`au (Hawaiian medicine men). They gathered herbs and plants and made them into medicine at this heiau. Lots of healing energy stretching back thousands of years.

Later, I met a Kumu Hula (Hula Teacher) who told me that the name of the heiau was one of her favorite words in Hawaiian. Āiwaiwa means “inexplicable, mysterious, marvelous, strange, amazing, fantastic, fathomless, incomprehensible, wonderful because of divinity.” What an amazing word. Wouldn’t it be great if we lived our lives āiwaiwa?

Diet

Had a great raw, vegan meal at Greens and Vines restaurant in downtown Honolulu. The Living Lasagne was tasty and filling. Talked to Chef Sylvia afterwards and she gave me some tips on how not to get bored with a raw diet. “Cook 1/4 portions and experiment with flavors and seasonings.” Great advice, since twice I have made almond hummus and ended up dumping 1/3 of it because it spoils or I get bored of it.

Exercise

Besides morning exercises at the heiau, I swam in the ocean at Ala Moana Beach Park. Water was salty, so it floated me without having to do much!

Relationships

Had a long talk with a friend who is counselor for elementary school children in Hawaii. We talked about compassion, boys, and the struggles boys have with compassion and school. It felt great to reconnect with someone after years of absence only to find out that we are on the same wavelength.

Missing Beryl and the boys. They call and tell me they love me. “Can I go to the heiau?” asked 5 year old Fox. So cute and inspiring.

Also, connected with two teachers at the Still and Moving Center where I am giving the workshop. They gave me support in my choice to heal from the dis-ease in an alternative way. It feels good to have support from near strangers on such a monumental decision.

Spirituality

Went to go buy a Hawaiian music Cd, only to find a cool bookstore that had tons of old books about Hawaii and Hawaiian spirituality. So much wisdom on this island. I learned a new ‘ōlelo no‘eau (Hawaiian wise saying): e puka aku me kāu mau makana–“emerge with your gifts.”

Or as Pono Shim says, “if you would honor us with your gift, we would hold it as valuable. Nothing was too big, nothing was too small; every gift was important. Everyone was valuable.” Reminds me that everyone has gifts to give and receive. This saying reminds me to be open to both giving and receiving.

For me this blog is both giving and receiving. I receive so much from every comment, yet many of the comments thank me for writing. 🙂

BM

Very little blood today. More green and brown than red. Sorry about the details, but I’m really trying to track any signs of change or healing. Had lots of energy throughout the day with swimming, socializing, reading, and driving. I did add a supplement rich in anti-oxidants this morning. Not sure if that made a difference.

Aloha Cancer 9/8/2015

waxing crescentKāloa Pau
Māhoe Mua 8

This morning I got dropped off at San Jose Airport at 6 AM for a 9 AM flight to Honolulu, so i decided to do my morning prayers and exercises in the waiting lounge. I picked an empty area no where near my gate and started my prayers.

As I started the movements, I notices someone approaching me out of the corner of my eye, but I ignored them, trying to focus. Finally, I had to look up at this large man who was smiling at me. It turned out to be a high school friend who happened to be flying out to Florida with his family.

He had heard about my diagnosis, so he asked how things were going. When I said that I was just doing alternative therapies, his wife chimed in and said I should talk to their neighbor. Turns out that they live next to a well-known naturopath who specializes in medicinal marijuana.

The funny thing is that when I had told my Hawaiian healing teacher about my diagnosis, she also suggested medical marijuana. Looks like I might be getting high soon. haha. Actually, the marijuana that they prescribe doesn’t get one high.

When I landed in Hawaii, I breathed in the moist air and felt nourished. I thought about how just being on this island was healing, until I took a lungful of jet fuel odor. I’ll bet that being in natural Hawaii is extremely healing. Unfortunately, it is getting harder and harder to find pristine Hawaiian lands nowadays.

Diet

Had to turn down everything on the plane. Amazing how anti-anti-cancer the meals they serve on the plane are–tons of sugar, no vegetables, lots of protein rich foods. Luckily, when I landed, my auntie took me to a health food store where I found some organic salads, including a taro vegan potato salad. Yum.

Exercise

Just my morning prayers and exercise. A little qigong walking to the terminal gate.

Relationships

Talked with a number of friends and relatives in Hawaii and felt a tremendous amount of Aloha and peace. Got a sweet phone message from Beryl and the boys.

Spirituality

Talked with my Uncle’s niece who teaches Hawaiian Language at Punahou Schools (the school Obama went to). We talked about spirituality, Christianity, and Hawaiian healing. She invited me to a Hawaiian bible study on Friday. So excited to partake in this powerful experience of reading the Bible in Hawaiian.

BM

Bleeding seems to be tapering off. Had some large BMs today, relatively speaking. It “feels” like the tumor is smaller since I don’t have that uncomfortable feeling when I have a BM. Alison said something that really resonated with me: “Maybe it would be possible to reframe other small indicators of the illness in a different more positive way so they are not about illness but simply about the body’s needs in the moment.” I realized that there are larger processes going on in my body and spirit that need time and space. I can’t judge every drop of blood as an indicator of my health and recovery. Thanks, Alison.

Aloha Cancer 9/03/2015

kozo and wifeWoke up to talk to my wife after our 9th Wedding Anniversary. I told her that I have committed to her being my only lover for the rest of my life. I have kuleana  (responsibility) for her and my sons. I will be with her rain or shine, sickness or health, rich or poor, until death do us part.

It felt good to make this commitment. It puts a bigger picture around the daily conflicts or pilikia. We know that no matter what happens during the day, we will be there for each other. We will never abandon ship.

kit and berylI probably should have made this commitment when I said my vows during the wedding ceremony nine years ago, but I’m not sure I really understood them back then. Funny thing is that this weekend we are hanging out at Ocean Beach with my old friend, KIt, who was the officiant at our wedding. We have also agreed to re-take our vows in the redwoods on Monday.

According to Hawaiian spirituality, disease can come from conflict in relationships. Traditional ho’oponopono was a ritual to kala (liberate, cut) the ties that these conflicts have on us that cause us suffering and dis-ease. I believe I chose my wife before I came into this world to clear deep karma. If I don’t clear this karma, then i will not only die, but also need to come back to clear karma in a future life. Talk about life’s purpose!!!

I feel grateful to experience this clarity and take up this kuleana.

Diet

Same as yesterday. Avocados with almond humus. Eating beans tonight. Mangosteen and Apex. I started drinking honey and tumeric tea again. Will alternate with honey and ginger tea. Drinking some coconut water out of carton.

Exercise

Resting today. Not much exercise.

Relationships

Powerful bonding with my wife, Beryl. I feel like this is one of the most important centers of my healing. I am grateful that Beryl understands this and wants to support me. She cradled me last night like a baby for about 20 minutes. It felt so healing.

Spirituality

Said prayers this morning. Listened to my body and took a day off of exercise. Part of mâlama ko’u kino (nurturing my body) is to listen when it needs rest and give it rest.

BM

Still some blood in stool.

Sorry about the details, but I’m trying to document all the treatments and their effects on a daily basis. I want others who come after me to ‘ike (see/know) how to heal from this dis-ease.

Paid Gig

egg faceI’m still on semi-blogging break, but I wanted to let you in on a few announcements.

First, I got a job writing a weekly column for The Good Men Project! The column is on raising compassionate boys. My first article goes up on Wednesday 7/16 at 9:30 am EST. Come on by and say hello.

Second, I’m curating Stories That Must Not Die for the next two weeks. If you have a story that needs to be told, even if you need to tell it anonymously, please email me at everydaygurus@gmail.com and you can guest-blog at STMND. By the time you read this, I will have a post up there. Come on by and say hello.

Lastly, thank you for coming by here and saying hello during the blog break. May you know peace and joy.

{{{Hugs}}} Kozo

Everyday Thanksgiving: May 2014

Just got back from the Greater Good Gratitude Summit where we spent a whole day learning about the benefits of gratitude. From better health to Olympic gold medals, gratitude is proven to be one of the most important practices we can incorporate into our lives.

May 2014

Thank you for my brother, nephew, and parents coming to Jett’s soccer game; Jett almost scoring 4 goals; superballs; sunscreen; water balloons.

Thank you for giving up on being cool; RSA animated videos; Fox wanting to play golf; bbq pits at parks; tamales.

Thank you for the joy of getting toy airplanes out of trees; rip sticks; riding on BMX tracks with Jett’s 16″ bike; reading about Atlantis today with Jett; another article published by The Good Men Project.

Thank you for a paying client; sharing an office with my wife; the power of movement in counseling; another transformative session with Gary Heine; freedom.

Thank you for Rara being safe; all the support we are generating through blogging for Rara; protective custody; realizing how the Universe spreads light to the darkest places; Rara getting over 250 likes on her post about being falsely accused.

Thank you for Fox saying, “Ok, Fine!”; realizing that that is a mantra for life; Evangelist calls with The Good Men Project; all the smiles I’m getting from other parents; a deep talk about the importance of emotional intelligence for our children with another parent.

Thank you for white snake lotus movement meditation; changing meditation pillows; Letmerun; teaming up with Ashley at letmerun to spread compassion; being on the Rebel Alliance of compassion for men.

Thank you for Jett’s koala diorama, origami; RSAnimate; understanding purpose, autonomy, and mastery; living purpose, autonomy, and mastery.

Thank you for Alfie Kohn on NPR; having too much to say about raising compassionate boys; Fox wanting to get a bike and helmet for me for my birthday; poetry as gifts; stamps.

Thank you for Temporal Thermometers; children’s Advil; staying at home with my feverish son; Sadhguru’s wisdom; Kumare.Sadhguru

Thank you for BBQ at my parents; hanging out with my cousins; a visit from Dr. Harry Edwards; rice crispies made with salted caramel; wiffle ball in the park.

Thank you for Mother’s Day dinner with my wife; chazuke; ume; $1 ice cream at McDonalds; hot summer nights.

Thank you for high fives with Vaibhavi; Wind in the cypress trees; a long talk about surfing and life with Lawson; Sadhguru videos; getting Ender’s Game DVD from the library.

Thank you for group processing; Kathy’s advice that everything will be ok eventually; Don’s power and softness; Laura getting raw about sexism; Mood Meter sessions with Jett.

Thank you for not getting over-involved in Jett’s soccer practice; playing wall ball with Jett; Bro Alerts; not reacting to getting no reaction from others; recognizing that aversive thoughts are an opportunity to deepen into compassion and equanimity.

Thank you for realizing the importance of mindset; finishing another track of the Raising Compassionate Boys Audio Program; Fox wanting to take a new way to school everyday–partly to spend more time in the car with me; a snail mail letter from Rara; vegan fruit pie.

Thank you for Fox’s “rainbow slide” watercolor painting; Father Richard Rohr’s two hour talk on silence; NVC empathy buddy training with Oliver; all the disrespect I receive to teach me patience and compassion; Vietnamese Garlic Noodles.

Thank you for Jett’s music performance; the joyous courage of children who haven’t been told they aren’t good enough yet; all the time I get to play with Jett and Fox; push up popsicles that don’t drip; my boredom with luxury.

Thank you for Robert Bly; taking initiative on the Good Men Project Men’s Groups; ancient wisdom hidden in myths, tales, and stories; Lisa Nicols talks; peace in Isla Vista.

Fox with AviatorsThank you for Boomerang Bay; aviator sunglasses for kids; pocky sticks; Harvey Jackins and Re-evaluation Counseling; lifeguards at public pools.

Thank you for Jett asking “Is that bad karma?” when someone stole his birthday gift in front of the restaurant we were eating at; three tables representing 3 generations of Hattoris at a Memorial Day lunch; silence; realizing all parts of my life are connected although they seem so different; all the brave men and women SERVING our country in the armed services.

Thank you for Roma telling me to speak from my toes; seeing embodiment as connection to everything; realizing that humility is the path to uncertainty which leads to freedom from knowing; more articles getting published by The Good Men Project; Esalen.

Thank you for Conversations with Compassion with Paul Ekman; Paul Ekman as an agnostic and psychologist admitting that the feelings of peace he experienced sitting with the Dalai Lama were “thick, palpable, and mysterious”; being invited to give a workshop at Bonfire Heights; Fox crying because he didn’t get to hug and kiss me goodnight; Dr. Doty giving me a hug.

Pushing Mother’s Day

This post is dedicated to my wonderful wife.

0101

Push

 

 

“Push, Push, Push”

Ignore the pain

Overcome the fatigue

“Push, Push, Push”

 

“Push, Push, Push”

Don’t think about the fear

Only you can save this child

“Push, Push, Push”

 

“Push, Push, Push”

Breastfeed, Soothe, Console

24 hours a day, repeat

“Push, Push, Push”

 

“Push, Push, Push”

Homework, face-time, college fund

Never enough at home or in the office

“Push, Push, Push”

 

“Push, Push, Push”

Love your child,

Love your partner,

Love your career,

“Push, Push, Push”

 

I see you, mother, laborer, lover

I feel your pain, your stress, your joy

I bow in gratitude, respect, and love

 

Happy Mother’s Day

 

Love,

Man