Hoku
‘Ikuwâ 26
At this week’s Meditation Circle, I was fortunate enough to spend some quality time with a man whom I, and many others, consider a living saint, Jayesh Patel. As he sat down to eat, Nipun Mehta introduced me, telling him about my recent cancer diagnosis and how I had decided to refuse conventional treatment and pursue more natural and spiritual forms of healing.
Jayeshbhai immediately began rubbing my back. In Hawaii we call this ‘olu ‘olu—roughly translated as gentleness, but more accurately described by Auntie Pilahi Paki as to treat others like you would a baby. All night, I watched Jayeshbhai ‘olu’olu everyone he encountered. He patted the tops of their heads hugged them, squeezed their hands and arms, rubbed the backs of their scalps, and just loved them like a mother loves a newborn.
Jayeshbhai turned to me and without a touch of pity or fear said, “the natural man uses nature to heal, and if he doesn’t heal then he accepts it is the will of God.” {I’m recreating all these quotations from memory, so I apologize if I misquote anyone or anything.] This one sentence encapsulated everything I’ve been sensing into since I got the pathology report two months ago.
He told me about how this was my path and how I could use it to send ripples of peace and healing to others. Then he looked deep in my eyes and said, “But you must have faith and patience.” To tell the truth, I had been getting a bit impatient recently and even had some lapses of faith, so these words struck a chord deep inside me.
Earlier in the evening, Jayeshbhai shared with the circle that he wants to create a movement, not a campaign. Campaigns have a beginning and an end. Movements never end. There is no exit strategy in a movement. I realized that my journey with cancer is a movement. There is no end—no cure. There is only loving what is, consistently, persistently.
I told Jayeshbhai that I admired how he deeply connected with everyone he met. He replied, “I just want to see everyone as myself. I want to see myself in everyone. I want to experience everyone’s darshan.” He smiled and said how simple life is—just love, everyone and everything.
“You don’t fight cancer; you love it,” he offered. I replied, “Yeah, I want to have darshan with cancer.” We laughed.
Parveen came by and Jayeshbhai spoke to him in their native tongue. Parveen translated for me:
“Our parents decide to give birth to us, but no one decides when we die. It is in the hands of nature. It is nothing to fear. It is just nature.”
“You can be the example of equanimity for everyone to see. We all sit in meditation trying to cultivate equanimity, but you can show us what equanimity looks like with how you deal with your journey.”
Before I left, Jayeshbhai gave me the sweetest hug. He put his head in my chest and just held me. I wanted to kiss the top of his head—like you kiss an infant’s head when they fall asleep in your arms.
In the short time I got to spend with this saint, he shared so much love, understanding, wisdom, care, and gentleness with me that I felt like I had just gotten some radical new high-tech treatment. But it wasn’t radical. It wasn’t new. And it wasn’t high-tech. It was just love.
Diet
I had breakfast with my brother’s ex-wife who is visiting from Ireland. I asked her how people in Ireland get their vitamin D, since there is not much sunshine. She said that when she was a kid, her mom used to make her swallow cod liver oil. Now she feeds her 5 year old daughter this oil during the winter months. I laughed, because I’m taking cod liver oil supplements to get my vitamin D3.
Exercise
Doing my morning prayers every morning, but I missed a few movements and qigong walks. Today, I did the full program and barefoot hiking with my friend Oliver. I feel so much better when I do the full program.
Relationships
Had brunch with my mom, step-dad, brothers, Aunty and Uncle, and my brother’s ex-wife. It was wonderful. No bad vibes anywhere.
Spirituality
Everything in my life seems to be here to teach me “faith and patience.” In the face of anything and everything, I’m trying to maintain faith and patience.
My friend, Michael Brabant, sent me a Reginald Ray guided meditation on the perineum. “In the Toltec tradition, the perineum is said to be the place in the body where the most fundamental, primordial reality of this world is located…When we work with the perineum, we are working with the most fundamental depth of the earth. The perineum is actually the gateway to the earth in its most deepest aspect.”
This resonates with me since the tumor the doctors found is right above the perineum. I feel like I am being asked to get in touch with the most fundamental, primordial reality. I’m also being invited to reconnect with the ‘âina or earth. All my exploration of Hawaiian spirituality leads me to focus on my na’au (guts including the perineum) and the ‘âina.
In this guided mediation, Ray emphasizes the simultaneous interaction between the earth, the breath, and the perineum. When I breath into my perineum, I feel like I am healing both my na’au and the ‘âina. In Hawaian, the word “na’auao” means “the enlightened mind.” So the na’au is a gateway to fundamental reality or enlightenment, as well.
Kūkae (BM)
The bleeding is definitely tapering off. I’m having movements of sediment with no blood. I’m also having the largest BMs in terms of size that I have had in 12 months. I am sensing into the tumor becoming inconsequential or non-existent.
10/21
7:10 AM Blood and sediment. Medium BM
7:50 AM Medium BM
3 PM Medium BM
5 PM Sediment and blood.
6 PM Sediment
6:20 PM Blood and sediment
10/22
4:30 AM Blood and Sediment.
7:10 AM Blood and lots of sediment. Medium BM
8:10 AM Medium BM no blood
9:45 AM Large BM no blood
3 PM Small BM w/ little blood
6 PM Blood and Sediment.
10/23 and 10/24
Blood and sediment throughout the day with very little BMs.
10/25
6:30 AM Tiny Blood and sediment
8 AM Sediment with no/blood
10 AM Sediment with small BM
10:30 AM Sediment
7 PM Blood and sediment with small BM
10 PM Blood and Sediment.
10/26
2:30 AM Blood and Sediment.
7:30 AM Tiny Blood and Sediment.
8 AM Medium BM with blood
11:30 AM Huge Long BM no blood
3:30 PM Large BM no blood
everyday gurus 
Great. We meet people only when they we have to. There are no coincidences. Meeting with Jayesh Patel gave you what you needed.
Stay healthy, stay happy,
God bless
Saw him again tonight, Ashualec, and he gave me exactly what I needed–a hug and a firm grip. {{{hugs}}} Kozo
I wish you luck on your journey. If it continues to include experiences like this, I think you will have a good one.
It has already been a good journey, AA. Can;t wait for what is next. 🙂
{{{hugs]}} Kozo
That Jayeshbhai is one wise and beautiful being. It sounds to me Kozo that everything you need is coming your way. What a blessing. So many gifts. It’s clear you know what you’re doing, even if sometimes it’s hard to actually live it. Ha ha me too 🙂
Much love from me.
Alison xoxox
We’ve been walking the same path for years now, Alison. So grateful for your reflections–literally. You are right–so many gifts, including your presence, love, and comments. {{{Hugs}}}} Kozo
I remember how I felt when I first reached out to you and others on here. Just as it was then, I see that the universe will give you who and what you need when you’re ready. I’m sad to hear about your diagnosis. But I am happy to hear that you are getting what you need. Keep fighting Kozo and keep loving. It really does make a difference.
Yes it does, GM. Love always makes a difference. I would ask you to read your comment and listen to the wisdom there. {{{hugs]}} kozo
There you go Kozo, that’s why I heart you so. :*