Aloha Healing 09/20/2015

waxing moon

‘Ole Kū Kolu
Māhoe Hope 19

My wife and I got in an argument about disciplining the boys this morning. She wanted more discipline, but I argued at what cost. She brought up my mother, and I said that is not a good example since she let her sons get beat for 12 years.

Then I totally lost it with my son Jett. I was yelling at him that if he didn’t get out of the house I would whip him. I told him how my step-father beat the crap out of us and if he didn’t behave i would do the same thing.

Last week, Alison reminded me of a famous Rumi poem:

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

After I blew up at Jett, I felt all the cortisol and adrenaline rushing through my body. I felt guilty for losing my equanimity and peace of mind. I felt horrible for Jett who had to witness this explosion. So I went to the park to do some prayers and Aloha Awakening movements.

Recently, I have been getting lazy with Aloha Awakening movements. I’m still on Hawaii time, so I sleep through the sunrise and often skip the movements.

This reaction helps me to see that I still have cleaning to do. I can’t get lax.

I also sensed into the way in which this reaction is a clearing. Alison is right: what we resists persists. Rather than try not to have “bad” thoughts or emotions, I’m going to host every emotion and feeling that comes up then clean the house after they depart. Clean, clean, clean. Let them make their mess, then clean.

Morning prayers and movements are daily cleaning. After prayers and movements this morning, I felt lighter. I felt like I had shined the light on some darkness and opened a window to allow it to go its own way.

Diet

Ate the split pea soup again and avocados for lunch. I’m slowly working into raw foods recipes. Right now I’m dehydrating a raw onion bread.

Tomorrow I think I’ll make some raw veggie rice nori roles. 🙂

Exercise

After morning prayers and movements, I spent time with Jett. Got really tired in the afternoon, so I took a nap on the benches when I took him fishing. When we got back home, I was exhausted, so I took another nap with some deep REM sleep. Not sure why I’m so tired, but I need to honor this process.

Relationships

Lots of conflict today. Jett and I made up by going fishing. Sending my wife love in any way I can.

Spirituality

I’m still trying to hear what the right path is. Today was interesting because I was really tired, had a blow up with my son, and bled quite a bit. Not sure what that means in terms of my body, but I’m trying to stay patient and aware.

 Kūkae (BM)

Small sediment in the morning, followed by pretty normal BM in afternoon, but evening brought quite a bit of blood. Did an 11 ph enema again today with a lot of blood. I also couldn’t take too much water or hold it very long.

Part of me is sensing into the importance of the moon cycles on this process. Not sure what the correlation is yet, but I’m staying curious.

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11 comments on “Aloha Healing 09/20/2015

  1. Isn’t it amazing the way the universe always presents us with that which needs to be brought into the light. Your seeing your anger, allowing it, then cleansing, creates more spaciousness. Forgive yourself if you haven’t already. It’s all okay. In the end all that we are is empty space so the more inner spaciousness you create the better. I do hope you apologised to Jett at some point, however Jett too has his path, and his expereinces to have, and you cannot save him from it even if it includes you yelling at him from time to time. This is not to excuse it, but rather to help you with a reframe.
    Much love, Alison

    • Kozo Hattori says:

      Thanks for the reframe, Alison. I love the idea that we are empty space. Feels like home.

      I want to say how much I enjoy and appreciate your comments, my dear friend. They make me feel acknowledged, but also guided. Not sure if that makes sense, but I feel it.

      Mahalo Nui Loa,
      Kozo

  2. Oops – just read the bit about you and Jett going fishing – I have no doubt he knows you love him anyway.
    A.

  3. Hi Kozo. Just wanted you to know that I’m following your journey and sending healing prayers. Your story today reminded me of Father Thomas Keating’s “welcome prayer,” which I have used with good results in hard times. You could look it up if you’re interested, but here is a short form of prayer:
    Welcome, welcome, welcome.
    I welcome everything that comes to me today
    because I know it’s for my healing.
    I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons,
    situations, and conditions.
    I let go of my desire for power and control.
    I let go of my desire for affection, esteem,
    approval and pleasure.
    I let go of my desire for survival and security.
    I let go of my desire to change any situation,
    condition, person or myself.
    I open to the love and presence of God and
    God’s action within. Amen

    Peace to you!
    Melanie

  4. Gary says:

    Being a parent of five myself I’m reminded of my own ideal ambition to be a perfect parent and not to blow up at the kids. Fortunately it rarely happens these days. I feel so guilty though when my normal calm is shattered by that all too human trait of loosing control at the expense of the kids. I’m leaning just to accept my nature and that of the children as they are and not to cause that personal anxiety that comes from expect the world and in particular others to be anything other than what they/it are/is. The words are not always easy to follow in reality though 🙂 I understand …

    • Kozo Hattori says:

      I totally agree, Gary. I am trying to love life as it is. Love my sons as they are. Love myself as I am (even after a blowup). Love my body as it is with its dis-ease. Love my wife as she is. Love this moment, as it is. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  5. Daydreams says:

    Sending loving vibes your way. ❤

  6. Geo Sans says:

    I’m listening
    and
    I’m learning
    with you
    ~
    take care

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