Music carved a peaceful path in my tumultuous history like a lifeline that saved me from the abyss
Sarah McLachlan’s “Angel” marks a 15 year journey to find peace through music, film, and poetry. I’ve always had a soft spot for Irish female singers–I know McLachlan is Canadian, but I envision her as Irish descent. In 1984, trying to recover from 12 years of physical abuse, I clung to the lyrics of This Mortal Coil‘s “Song of the Siren.”
“Did I dream you dreamed about me?” offered me an escape from reality in the arms of some nurturing goddess.
I didn’t picture this goddess as bald, but when Sinead O’Connor sang “Troy,” I screamed in desperation, “I will rise, and you’ll see me return/being what I am, there is no other Troy for me to burn.”
Then in 1988, God sent me another lifeline in the form of Wim Wenders Wings of Desire. The world was populated by angels, and I was sure that I had one watching over me.
But, like Tears for Fears sang, “memories fade, but the scars still linger,” so it wasn’t until 10 years later when the re-make City of Angels came out that I accepted the possibility that peace is possible without the need for a surrogate mother to heal my wounds.
“Angel” was part of the soundtrack for City of Angels. The song brought me peace; it still does. Peace is always here and so are angels. In my heart of hearts I believe this.
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance,
For a break that would make it okay.There’s always some reason
To feel not good enough,
And it’s hard, at the end of the day.I need some distraction,
Oh, beautiful release.
Memories seep from my veins.Let me be empty,
Oh, and weightless, and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight.[Chorus]
In the arms of the angel,
Fly away from here,
From this dark, cold hotel room,
And the endlessness that you fear.
You are pulled from the wreckage,
Of your silent reverie.
You’re in the arms of the angel,
May you find some comfort here.
Thank you for reading, empathizing, and/or sharing.
Can you trace a musical journey in your life? Please share.
This post is part of Bloggers for Peace Monthly Peace Challenge: One Good Thing About Music… To participate please click the badge on the right. This has been my favorite Peace Challenge. I love all the music and emotion that we are spreading throughout cyberspace. Please check out some posts below.
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everyday gurus 
What a wonderful way to travel down memory lane– it makes the painful parts not so painful, the lonely spots not so lonely, and the wonderful parts all the more wonderful. Lovely post, Kozo– I really enjoyed all the songs and lessons shared. 🙂
Yay, I love your definition of music/memory–” it makes the painful parts not so painful, the lonely spots not so lonely, and the wonderful parts all the more wonderful.” That seems to be the key to life. Blogging does the same thing, so does friendship. Thank you for both. {{{hugs}}} Kozo
Reblogged this on The ObamaCrat™.
Thanks for the re-blog, Jueseppi. You are way in front of the Everydaygurus re-blogger award. {{{hugs}}} Kozo
U have such thought provoking post, and U are a peace loving human. Enjoy your week.
12 years of physical abuse? Have you talked about this before? I am so sorry to hear you endured that hell Kozo. Ultra-big {hugs} to you!
Thanks, Mel. I’ve dropped some hints about he abuse, but I’ve been trying to be up-front about it lately. Obviously, you and Goldfish help me on my journey to recovery. Thanks for the {{hugs}}}; their what I have been searching for my whole life. Love, Kozo
I am glad to hear we have been of help to you. I think most of us who write about this aim to help someone.
Deliberate Donkey is open to you, should you want to use the space to share a bit of your story.
I think that I have learned about serving others from bloggers like you. The more we reveal, the more we help others.
I would love to post on DD. I currently am writing a post for Black Box Warnings. As soon as I finish that on 9/19, I will start work on a post that I think will work well on DD.
Thank you for all you do. {{{hugs]}} Kozo
Great post Kozo, the name McLaughlin is of Irish and Scottish origin so you may be onto something there 😉
Thanks for sharing your musical journey, I’d say most of us have one. Especially during my teens there were songs that resonated so closely with what I was feeling that I felt empowered listening to them 🙂
Thanks for sharing Kozo, big hugs!
Rohan.
Yep, Rohan, I knew we connected on multiple levels. 🙂
I agree that music was so visceral as a teenager. I really want to get that back and guide that connection towards higher principles than I was obsessed with in high school. As you know, I really resonated with your song. {{{hugs}}} kozo
the last song you share here – powerful lyrics and a voice that echos peace. thank you for sharing your journey songs, Kozo. as always, may blessings overflow for you as you continue to heal each of us with your reflections and peace work. ☼HUGS.
Love the lyrics, Sunshine. Such a gentle reminder that we are loved ALWAYS. Here is to healing together. {{{hugs}}} kozo
Hi Kozo….this was my first time participating in the Monthly Peace Challenge so I guess I didn’t do it right??? Was I supposed to leave a link in the comments so you knew I wrote one too? Here is my link–I think it qualifies–
http://smartliving365.com/music-can-make-you-happy-healthy-or-not/
Let me know if I did something that didn’t fit the “peace”. Thanks! Kathy
Lovely post, Kathy. You did everything right. I usually get to posts through the Linkz button that I see you linked to–the little goofy frog on the Peace Challenge page. You might want to link to some other bloggers for peace, so they get a pingback and will check out your post. We have a great community here, and we are so glad you joined us. {{{hugs]}} Kozo
Amazing what abuse can do to us, isn’t it? Bury us alive or force us to rise. I’m glad we’re both rising.
You’re post is beautiful, and I’m luxuriating in Sarah’s second song as I type. Mmm, I’ve always love this piece.
I’m so glad you followed your own directions with this month’s challenge. I was so excited about the challenge when I first read that post weeks ago, but I wasn’t able to pull off what I wanted to do, and after 2 weeks of trying, I gave up, and just slapped a video onto my site. It’s a beautiful song, but not what I wanted to do – I wanted to sing something, and tried many times, but couldn’t get it right.
Singing (and playing piano) was my greatest savior during my abusive childhood and difficult early adulthood. I was a music major, and although it didn’t provide a real career path, I wouldn’t change it for anything. I needed to be immersed in music for many years to make it through my pain.
I’m reminded of Maya Angelou’s statement: “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
Thanks for being elegant, and inspiring us to be the same.
Oh, Kelly. Your comment gave me goosebumps. Yes, we are both rising in an elegant and powerful way. I love that music was your lifeline as well. I don’t think songs randomly come into our lives. I believe music is God/The Universe’s way of telling us, “I’m here. I love you.” I look forward to hearing you sing sometime. {{{Hugs}}} kozo
Ah yes the childhood abuse. Because my mother was such a very good mother in so many ways it wasn’t until recently that I was actually willing to label what she did as abuse, and yet it was, both physical and emotional. It’s taken me all my life to heal from it, and it’s 11 years since her death. I think I can finally say I’m risen from it. One day I will be able to hold her in my heart with love – that feels very close now. Having said all that I would not have changed a thing! Not one thing – about myself, or my mum, or my life. It was all perfect. She was the catalyst for so much. And ironically was always there for me.
I wish you well on your journey Kozo – write about the abuse, even if you don’t publish it. Write about it, feel the feelings, get it out where it can be seen in the light of truth. You too will heal. You’re well on your way.
((((hugs))))
Alison
Oh, Alison. thank you so much for your guidance, wisdom, and compassion. I do feel like I have angels, especially in the blogosphere.
I am exploring my wounds everyday. I am writing and shining Light wherever there is darkness. I’m almost at the point you are where I wouldn’t change a thing. I definitely wouldn’t change my friendship with you, Don, and my other BBF. {{{Hugs]}} kozo
I think we all help heal each other. So many times I’ve come to your blog and read exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. The angels use the internet to connect us all so we can all be angels for each other.
We, none of us can be different from how we are. Even the abusive parents. And even us highly sensitive ones who take some time to learn and grow from it, and it is a huge blessing that we do.
(((((hugs)))))
Alison
Here’s to the healing power of music! So glad you are speaking out and healing. When I feel I have nothing to hold onto, I hold onto music that has great meaning to me. Thank you for the pingback.
Yes, unEinCH, music is healing and always available even if it is crickets in a field. We are so blessed. {{{hugs}}}} Kozo
Hey great post Kozo, it’s always wonderful to hear how music played a huge role in your life, as it did mine. Truly powerful selections to awaken one’s soul. Rumor had it that Sinead O’Connor shaved her head so people would pay attention to her message and not just her beauty. I have to say with such amazing lyrics, she needn’t worry about fans missing the message!
Sing it loud and proud, u’r definitely on the right track. 😉 {{{hugs}}}
Shaved head or not, nothing compares to Sinead. I believe we are all phoenixs or butterflies, Maddy. We will all be reborn or rise from the flames. We are all beauty waiting to awaken to ourselves.
Thanks for your love and encouragement. {{{hugs}}} Kozo
I am so sorry that you’ve had to undergo what you’ve have had to undergo.
I am so glad that this angel-music has helped to heal your wounds.
And thanks for paying it forward.
I love the idea of paying it forward, Georgia. I believe that the Universe paid it forward to me before the abuse. I had a sense of not being alone way before my step-father entered my life. Not surprising that I was attracted to angel music. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo
anger can be power
d’you know that you can use it?
~
the clash
+ + +
i grew up
with rough and tumble play
and
there are numerous studies
about benefits
for understanding
compassion
~
for me
the clash were about the freedom
to question everything
~
why am I angry?
what can I do with this feeling?
how can I best use this?
~
sports
allowed me a medium
to learn to control my emotions
operate
with poise and power
+ + +
sometimes
when my daughter
gets super frustrated
I turn on some fast music
we dance like maniacs
we get out our aggression
and
we can laugh
and
smile again
Great advice about maniac dancing, Geo Sans. I will try it out. Love how you view the Clash. There was a lot of freedom in that music. “I’m all lost in the supermarket” is a personal favorite. {{{hugs}}} to you and your daughter. Kozo