Men: The Problem and the Solution

This is an issue I really care about, so I’ve decided to come out from behind the curtain to talk to you.

Do you see these incidents as symptoms of a much larger problem? Why or Why not? Please share. 



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94 comments on “Men: The Problem and the Solution

  1. smilecalm says:

    I laughed at the insane drill sergeant in boot camp. He kicked my butt. Slowly I learned to laugh and smile again. Your boot camp sounds much more pleasant, peaceful, compassionate and happy. May your aspiration of equanimity succeed.

    • Kozo says:

      I’m glad you found laughter and smiles again, smilecalm. One of the exercises in my bootcamp will be the ability to laugh at ourselves or just laugh in general. I also want to focus on equanimity. I would love to hear more about how this insane drill sergeant affected your masculinity and compassion. Feel free to email me at {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  2. grandmalin says:

    This is excellent Kozo! I will have to listen to it all again before attempting to make a more intelligent comment, but wanted you to know how very inspiring you are. {{{hugs}}} to you for this awesome post from the other side of the curtain. 😀 xxoo

    • Kozo says:

      Thanks, GM. I really appreciate your quick response. I wasn’t sure how readers would take this video, but I’m trying to be more authentic. So your thumbs up and hug are encouraging. When you have time I would love to hear your take on Patriarchy and my attempt to combat it. {{{hugs]}} Kozo

      • grandmalin says:

        There have been a lot of changes in our social organization in my lifetime – every small step away from men being supreme authority figures based soley on gender is a step in the right direction. But we can’t just flip the scale in the other direction either, we need to find a fine balance. I have lived that saying “women have to work twice as hard as men to be considered half as good.” It has always left me feeling rather pissed off at the end of the day.
        But we all need to shoulder the responsibility for changing attitudes and behaviour. Men have to want to change and women have to LET THEM by no longer acting helpless and powerless and stupid when we’re not. And by raising our sons to be kind and loving, rather than tough and strong.
        It does all come down to empathy and compassion for eachother and a relationship based not on one person giving and the other taking, but on a more equal and balanced give and take that works for both sides. You’re a good example Kozo. I hope you keep talking.
        I also hope this made some small amount of sense. It’s late and I should be sleeping. I think men will find when they let go of some of their power that it’s a huge relief – like being able to cry in baseball. I’d pay to watch that. haha

      • Kozo says:

        Thank you so much for staying up late and sharing your wisdom. You deserve to feel pissed off for having to work twice as hard for half as much. What amazes me about you is that you still love and laugh deeply.

        I totally agree with you about not flipping the scales in the other direction. What I want to do is break down the whole power structure. With empathy and compassion we learn to give and love rather than dominate and take.

        Also, you can bet that I will keep talking. If there is one thing I am good at in life, it is talking. haha.

        {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  3. When you said “come out from behind the curtain” I couldn’t help but think of “The Great and Powerful Oz”.
    Seriously though, Kozo – this is wonderful. I’m honored that you’d give us a small peek into your world in order to convey a powerful message. You touched on some valuable points here. It’s great advice for anyone raising children in this screwed up world we’re living in today. We have to change it. & You’re a great motivator. 😀

    • Kozo says:

      Thanks, DDIW. As a parent, you know that we need to be the change to make the world a better place for our children to inherit. I don’t want my sons to be 47 years old and realize that they ignored a huge social injustice. Thank you for being a loving friend who allows me to grow and change. {{{hugs]}} Kozo

  4. rarasaur says:

    It was good to “see” you! Thanks for another inspirational post! 🙂

    • Kozo says:

      Unfortunately, now you can spot me in a crowd and run, if I ever try to hound you for an autograph. 🙂 Thanks for watching. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  5. So much to say here Kozo and words fail me. As a mother I have been very careful as to what I was teaching my son in regards to his emotions and I still try to have him listen to his heart as well as listen to his head. Teaching him respect for himself and for others regardless of gender.

    Unfortunately society is segregating genders placing them on opposite sides of the fence, making one feel inferior while the other gender feels superior and this results in those abhorring behaviours you speak of .

    You are such an inspiration and this crusade you are embarking on is so timely. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to listen to your plea and to reflect as to what could we all do to better the world we live in. 🙂

    • Kozo says:

      I know you are raising your son in a counter-patriarchal manner, Anyes. But you hit the nail on the head, society has such a power over our children from advertisements to entertainment/video games/music videos to language and education. I am blown away at how many WOMEN have said that these girls should not have put themselves in this position. People deserve to be able to pass out without getting raped.
      I hope that we can change the culture that is causing this cancer in our society. Thank you for being part of the solution. I will listen to any advice or wisdom you care to share, my dear friend. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  6. lauriesnotes says:

    Awesome. This is also how I feel about healing myself and my relationships in relation to violence in the world.

    • Kozo says:

      Your words reveal a deep wisdom, Laurie. Yes, we need to heal ourselves to stop the violence. As you know all too well, we need to look inside for peace before we can have peace “outside.” Thank you for spreading the love and healing. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  7. Rohan 7 Things says:

    Great video Kozo, agree with everything you said. And yes it is institutionalized and it is calculated. I’ve read some shocking things over the past while, particularly on

    US judges blaming an 11 Year old girl for being gang raped by adult men. University professors claiming that it’s not rape if the victim is unconscious because “they don’t remember” (the world’s leading trauma expert Peter Levine does not agree).

    It’s just amazing, shocking, the way these rape crimes are handled by the justice system and the media. No wonder most women are too afraid to report their rapes to the police, lest they be ridiculed and humiliated further.

    Keep doing your good work and being the change!

    Keep well Kozo, hugs!


    • Kozo says:

      Thank you so much for leading me to the Broadblogs site. This blogger is so close to my home and my heart. Also, thank you for being part of the team of men fighting against patriarchy. Together we can change the world. I am honored to call you a friend. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo
      I hope you don’t mind that I stole a lot of your video techniques for my video. That beginning should look vaguely familiar. haha. What can I say? You are my mentor.

      • Rohan 7 Things says:

        Haha, steal away 🙂 Yeah, I really dug your video, popping in extra images and video footage really worked! I look forward to seeing more 🙂

        Georgia who runs Broadblogs is a really cool and clever person, I knew you’d like her site! And I’m only too happy to get behind this 🙂

        Keep well Kozo, big hugs!


  8. merbear74 says:

    Is anyone more awesome than Kozo? Hells no. {Hugs} Merbear

  9. csroth3 says:

    Thank you for recognizing the problem and working publicly for change, for being so honest and willing to admit your own past mistaken attitudes, thank you for taking responsibility. Your video has healed part of my heart. When men like you take responsibility I have hope that one day I can forget the past.

    I do think though, that sports are not all bad, there are good values that can be learned through sports. I know there is a way to have tough competition without violence, humiliation, or negation of the compassionate side. Some athletes have proven this. I think coaches need to be different, they need to have a pure mind and heart and be focused on bringing out the best in each of their players, and unity as a team. Some athletes are very peaceful off the field or court.

    Women admire strength in men, but external strength must be balanced with internal strength of character, restraint, compassion, and unselfishness.

    God bless you.

    • Kozo says:

      {{{Hugs}}} to you, Cheryl. Thank you for your courage and honesty. It touches me deeply that this video helped you heal. I can guess that the past that you want to forget is intertwined with patriarchy. I want to make amends for my past trespasses, while you want to forget being trespassed upon. Somehow God has brought us together. Life is so intelligent.
      Speaking as a man, I apologize for whatever hardships you had to endure. I want to exemplify the change that all men are capable of. If a patriarch like me can cultivate compassion and empathy for women, then peace is possible.
      I agree that sports are not all bad, but I do think that we need to seriously look into positive coaching and gender politics in sports. I agree that some athletes are very peaceful off the field and court, but I would argue that they found peace elsewhere.
      My 5 year old son plays soccer, tennis, and kung fu. I love sports, but I think sports need to be balanced with training in what you call “internal strength of character, restraint, compassion, and unselfishness.” Unfortunately, I don’t see this training in sports practices. My son actually already quit basketball because the older kids were so selfish and mean. He would play an entire game without touching the ball. The parents of these kids would yell at their kids to shoot, but would never tell their kids to pass or share. I had to leave the gym a number of times to prevent causing a scene.
      I will leave you with a quotation from your blog: “Realize deeply that the prsent moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.”~Eckhart Tolle
      {{{hugs}}} Kozo

  10. I wish you were in an “office” to make our world better. Kozo for our peace!!!!!

    • Kozo says:

      We don’t need no stinkin “office,” 1G4AW. haha. I love Margret Mead’s quotation: ““Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” You and me, my friend. Let’s change the world. {{{hugs}}} Kozo

    • 1EarthUnited says:

      Wow, amazing post and video, well done Kozo! Well every movement has to start from somewhere, why not us? There’s a tipping point adage: If just 10 percent of the population holds an unshakable belief, their belief will be adopted by the majority. This hold true for the civil rights movement, women’s suffrage etc. It goes to show when people are fed up/ passionate about a cause, then real changes do take place. You have certainly presented a compelling case, the biggest obstacle are men conditioned from birth by a patriarchal society that perpetuate and condone oppressive, sexist attitudes. So how can they understand what their responsibilities are toward women? Awareness entails education, compassion, and a willingness to change behavior. It won’t be easy, but I’m hopeful that it will happen, so I’m definitely on board. Lead the way chief! {{{hugs}}} ☼

      • Kozo says:

        If you are on board, I can easily get 10 percent of the male population to join the movement. I know if you made this same video, it would be getting thousands of hits a minute.
        I am constantly amazed by your understanding and wisdom. You just get it. You get me. This makes me feel visible and loved. Thank you. {{{hugs}}} Kozo

  11. Eileen says:

    Well done, much needed, keep on keeping on, you give me hope.
    Years ago I was on a diocesan committee of women giving input for the Bishops’ Pastoral on Women………At sixty I left the Catholic Church over this issue. My thought was having a Pastoral on Women was in itself sexist. The pastoral needed to be on yin and yang values and the need for balance in our culture for the sake of humanity…..not just women.
    As great as the damage is to women from patriarchy, it is the men who are losing their souls.
    Unfortunately, the feminist movement seems to be turning women into men by putting the greater value on becoming tough enough for success in fighting our way up the corporate ladder. We have denigrated the nurturing roles of parents and teachers in our attempts to open up other options for women.

    I had a civil service job, Education Specialist-Religion, or Director of Religious Education for the Catholics for the Chaplain’s Division of a Military Post. I was also, Associate Director for all Religious Education, so I worked with Protestant Chaplains and teachers also. The difference in how many of the Protestant Chaplains treated me, even listening with respect to my thoughts and ideas was the beginning of my awareness of how damaging the patriarchy has been for humanity, not just women.

    • Kozo says:

      Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and experience on this issue. I am so fortunate to have friends like you give me a whole new perspective on Patriarchy. One of your sentences hit me right in the heart: “As great as the damage is to women from patriarchy, it is the men who are losing their souls.” Yes, we might be gaining privilege, power, and sexual gratification (if you can call what happened in Steubenville and Saratoga sexual gratification), but we are losing our souls.
      I hope to continue this conversation with you, Eileen. I am just a patriarch learning to make amends. I need women like you to guide me towards peace. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  12. Thank you for coming out from behind the curtain! To be responsible is to love. If we all were responsible there would be peace. {{{Namaste!}}}

    • Kozo says:

      Yes, Julianne, when we love, we want to be responsible. We want to give rather than take. I want to start giving to start the ball of peace rolling. Thank you for watching. {{{hugs}}} kozo

  13. I’ve been doing sports all my life, professionally (meaning I got paid and got a full scholarship to NYU) and my coach was a woman, let me tell you, no one was harder than her on the track, no one, but there’s a slight difference, although she wouldn’t take whining good during the workouts, later she would ask and connect with you. None of my male coaches was like that, one of them enjoyed making people cry, I was 11 and he would keep yelling me for a whole lap to the track telling me I was useless, I was nothing but a looser, that a girl was better than me, because I puked that day working out a girl finished the workout before me. It’s been 15 years since that day I still remember going to my mom crying.

    PS: I sent you an email about MB

    • Kozo says:

      Thank you for this personal reflection. Yes, there seems to be a gender difference in coaching. I’m not saying that all men coaches are harsh and all women coaches are compassionate, but masculinity definitely comes into play. i’m sorry to hear about your coach when you were 11. The crazy thing is I was like that with my son and he is 5 years old. I would yell at him when he did not want to enter the fray in soccer and basketball. Many of these ideologies affect us no matter how compassionate we WANT to be. We just don’t like seeing our boys cry or get beat by little girls. Lots of work to be done. I’m starting with the man in the mirror. Hope you will join me. {{{hugs}}} Kozo

  14. Thank you for coming out from behind the curtain for us 🙂 This is a very serious issue that you brought to the table. It affects every single part of the world, some more than others. Every new generation will always rely on it’s elders , elders that often know only what they are thought and seldom try to see further down the road of their pupil’s future. Once the vortex of ignorance has done the unfortunate damage on our youths, undoing it is quite a challenge…thanks for spreading the truth!

    • Kozo says:

      Yes, PWP, it is quite hard to undue the damage. I’m speaking from experience. I think why it has taken me so long to find compassion and empathy stems from being beaten in my childhood. I felt ashamed for screaming “like a little girl” while I was getting “disciplined,” so I tried to be hyper-masculine in my social life. Thank you for the support and guidance. {{{hugs}}} Kozo

  15. Melanie says:

    First and foremost, I commend you for fighting this good fight.
    I’ve been thinking about this all afternoon. Something didn’t exactly sit right with me. I want to be respectful about this, so excuse me if the lack of inflection in type comes across harsher than I intend.
    I hear what you are saying, and I agree. All men do need to join you and counter the cultural norms that are the solid ground that patriarchy stands on, but so do women. I understand that men need to come together with other men to become comfortable with their own emotions with each other and learn from the past and recognize behaviors that contribute to rampant patriarchy. This is an absolutely essential first step. Men do need other men, and need to come together with other men to reform the group mind when it comes to behaviors and attitudes about women, and to stop using women and women’s attitudes behaviors as insults towards other men.
    I wonder if keeping the camps separate isn’t going to keep the problem a problem. Is combining men’s and women’s contribution to the battle part of the plan? If the efforts stay separate will everyone be able to come together to solve what is a human problem?
    Men can learn from other men to treat and consider women as humans and not sub-par not-men. Women can learn from other women to not accept being treated as sub-par not-men. So too can men learn from women how it feels to be treated as not-men, and women can learn from men how to not accept being treated as not-men. And together, men and women can work together to erase the lines that divide men and women and draw a circle that creates a mass of equal and respected humans.

    • Kozo says:

      Thank you, Melanie, for this heartfelt and thoughtful comment. I really appreciate your feedback and guidance. Yes, I do see men and women on the same team. I actually am working on a new blog about how men and women can get along better in Patriarchy. My main concern with these recent events is that men have not taken up the challenge to change the status quo. If you look at most of the responses here and on my blog in general, they are by women. I know that women are committed to this cause. I’m just worried that a lot of men are clueless. They don’t see these problems as their issue.
      I was on a webcast about what men can do about Steubenville and one of the women said that these rapes are a male problem since men are doing the raping, but very few men have taken responsibility. This is the first step in many. I will be working towards peace between genders for a long time. I appreciate your guidance, Melanie. Let me know if you have any more advice or constructive criticism. {{{hugs]}} Kozo

      • Melanie says:

        My comment wasn’t to downplay this commendable effort, but to clarify the spinning thoughts in my head. Thank you for discussing with me.

        The work does have to start in the men’s camp. There has been very little policing going on over there, and so there is a lot of garbage laying around. I feel like women have been trying for decades, and without both sides coming together the effort will continue to be for naught.

        I feel like men have reached a point of debilitating weakness and your “bootcamp” is a great way to start, to open the conversation to responsibility and action. “Crying like a girl” should be a compliment, not an insult. Crying is honest; it’s being true to oneself and the overwhelming emotions of the moment, circumstance, or situation. Crying is an action that speaks volumes when speaking has lost its power.

        Women are standing up and fighting more and more, and louder and louder (as evidenced my the sheer number of female voices in this post and others like it), and no longer are we instantly called a prude bitch who can’t take a joke when we correct a man for disrespect, harassment, or ignorance, though it does still happen more often than not.

        I am glad to hear that getting men and women together is part of your grand plan. I figured it would be. I knew it in my heart of hearts. You can’t hide your eyes in a video and your true motivation and heartfelt desire to be an agent of change showed in your expression, in the sadness in your eyes, and in the flicker of hope when you talked about bringing men together to begin the end of the disrespect that fosters this rape culture our society has become so fond of.

        This is a lifelong project, for all of us, and it will continue into our children’s lives, and then, maybe, our children’s children will live with less misogyny.

      • Kozo says:

        I, too, hope we can change things for our children, Melanie. Your point about crying being true to ourselves is beautiful. I might steal that from you for the bootcamp.:)
        You are also right that women are still looked down upon when they stand up for basic human rights. I’m taking notes and working on baby steps. Feel free to offer any advice or guidance. {{{hugs}}} Kozo

      • Melanie says:

        Steal away.
        I encountered the put down for standing up last week. A guy was in the office who isn’t usually. He had an online certification exam to take, and that’s not something he could do on a construction site. The day before he had had trouble connecting to the wireless internet, and so I checked on him first thing in the morning to be sure he was good to go for the four hour test. He said, “I’ll be good to go when you sit on my lap and take the test for me.” I told him unless he wanted to have no reason to take that test he would refrain from ignorant comments in the future. He snapped back that I was a prude, and one of the other men snapped at him that he was inappropriate and I was in the right. So, the moral of the story is, though there is still harassment, there are more people willing to stand against it. We do still need more so the sickening comments don’t need to be stood up against. Thank you for working towards this. Thank you truly and deeply. {hugs} back to you!

  16. diannegray says:

    I love this, Kozo! How nice to finally ‘see’ you. The .’counter-patriarchal compassionate boot camp’ is the best idea ever!

    There are a few unfortunate side effects of the coach giving the boys a hug instead of yelling at them (but that’s for another post another day). I think the concept in sport of ‘getting tough or getting out’ is so endemic in each society that it will take a lot of work to change – but if anyone can do it, you can! Big {{{hugs}}} to you, my friend! 😀

    • Kozo says:

      Hey, Dianne. You cut straight to the heart of the matter. I am working on constructing a counter-patriarchal compassion class. I might call you in for a guest appearance. haha.
      WE can definitely change all aspects of society. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  17. i am just so proud of you as a man and a human being. my own son has made every effort to treat his girls with respect and teach them how they deserve to be treated so they will know when they are being treated badly. he teaches his boys that it is ok to be afraid and even cry when you feel like it. one of his boys is afraid of the dark and he has never belittled him or told him to suck it up.

    our society needs more men who are willing to stand up and say this is not right when events such as you used happen. my husband just watched your video. he is a man who will stand up and be counted. when we were just dating another guy i had gone out with a few times had shoved me up against a wall (at work) when i said no. not only did my husband tell me that i didn’t have to put up with that he reported it and to my surprise along with the shover i was floored that anyone would take action. coming from a military background this was just so out of the blue to me. the guy that shoved me received some pretty harsh consequences, as he came out of the meeting room he looked at me and said he couldn’t believe this was happening.

    the fact he was surprised says it all to me. i am forever grateful to my husband for showing me i did not have to work under those conditions.

    you are making a difference and that is a gift to us all. thank you

    • Kozo says:

      Thank you so much. Your words and action give me hope that change is possible. When I think about the guy who pushed you against a wall who was surprised at being disciplined, it reminds me of the look on those boys faces in Steubenville. Privilege is great 364 days a year, but when it comes to bite you in the rear, it can rock your world. I never want my boys to have this surprised look on their face. I never want them to treat women as less than them.
      Thank you, your husband, and your son for setting examples for us to follow. {{{hugs]}} Kozo

  18. Alison says:

    You are a good good man Kozo. And strong and courageous.
    And it’s wonderful to see your face.

  19. Dieu says:

    It is true when you say that patriarchy and sexism rob women and even men of their humanity. I remember once walking home late at night alone, and there was a man standing in the street who I found suspicious because he was standing alone outside so silent and still in an alley way and I kept looking at him suspiciously and afraid. Then, I saw a dog come running his way, and I realized that he was just waiting for his dog to pee. It’s unfortunate that I find myself being suspicious of men, and I wish we could live in a society where we didn’t have to jump to those conclusions.

    • Kozo says:

      My goal is for women to be able to walk alone in society and not fear violence of any kind. These girls in Saratoga and Steubenville should have been able to pass out and not be sexually molested. When people tell me that patriarchy is a myth and women have more power than men, I can now ask them to think about walking down the street alone or passing out. Thank you for your personal story, Dieu. I hope one day we can celebrate the change I envision. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  20. seeker says:

    It takes a lot of courage to admit for a man that they are wrong. I will pray and hope that your message will be taken seriously. Namaste.

    • Kozo says:

      Thank you for your prayers and support, Perpetua. The message is out. I feel like I am now part of the solution rather than the problem. I, too, pray that others will take responsibility. Thank you for your patience and understanding. {{{hugs]}} kozo

  21. […] Men: The Problem and the Solution. […]

  22. Well there you are my friend. It is so good to see your face and hear your voice. I love that League of their Own bit, there is no crying in baseball! I did the same stuff when I coached, but that was a different person in a different time. I think that you have really hit on a great subject here, the patriarchy is a problem. Women and men are all equal and we do need to change the way we look at things in a way that respects women. In a society that objectifies women, sounds like your boot camp should be a great success. Hopefully it is the first drop, like a pebble in the water whose ripples change the reflection forever. It is neat to be able to put a voice with the words. 🙂 Thanks Kozo for all that you do. I am grateful you have crossed my path.

    • Kozo says:

      I knew you would get this post, Jon. I love the idea of the first drop that sends ripples of change.
      You must have noticed that the other video bit was from Remember the Titans. One of my favorite sports movies along with Hoosiers, For Love of the Game, and The Greatest Game Ever Played. Although the message behind Remember the Titans is heartwarming and inspirational, you can still see the patriarchy at work in the workouts. This is my point. Even films like this that are meant to bring us together divide us along gender lines.
      Thanks for joining the team, Jon. {{{hugs}}} Kozo

  23. PaulaB says:

    Good to “see” you Kozo…and a fantastic message.

  24. Your courage in coming out from ‘behind the curtain’ for this issue is a testament to how important it really is. I hope to have the same kind of courage in adding my voice AND MY FACE in solidarity with women. The more I walk down this path, discovering all the truth and wisdom to be found in the east, more I realize how beautiful, wonderful, and VALUABLE the feminine, and all FEMALES, are.

    Like everyone else has probably said, it’s nice to put a face to the source of so much inspiration and wisdom 🙂 Cheers and hugs for you!

    • Kozo says:

      Thanks, WNL. I hope you do join me in voice and face in this cause. I am just doing whatever I can do to make a change. You can’t say that I didn’t try. Glad you are in support. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  25. Sandy says:

    Hi Kozo, that was so well done. You’re a special somebody making a true impact on this planet. Thanks so much for being socially committed to, and responsible for, positive change. And more importantly, thank you so much for just being you. I love that you are the father of two young boys. You make my heart smile. Much Love, Sandy

  26. Rufina says:

    Kozo, this is a powerful and important message, and huge kudos to you for taking ownership in making a personal choice in your own life and what you teach your son, and then also delivering this message to effect a change in the world, to inspire other men to do the same. Thank you on the behalf of all females! You may have heard of a movement called “Conscious Men”. There is a YouTube video called “Dear Woman” that you might also find interesting; I know I did when I first saw it, and your own video made me recall it, so I thought I would pass this tidbit on to you…

  27. Geo Sans says:

    i watched your video yesterday

    I reflected deeply

    while I walked outside


    so many ideas

    rise to the surface

    than swim away


    how can we

    model, show kindness

    in a big, cruel, heartless world ?


    how can we convince others




    are strengths / not weakness ?


    how can we eliminate



    bottom-line business ?


    I do think

    it starts with our children

    their first 3 to 5 years

    shapes their entire lives

    what is the best way to give to their futures ?


    so many possibilities

    so many people need to re-think

    re-evaluating priorities

    what the world could look like

    who we want to become

    How can we be there for ourselves, others …


    the more I think

    the more questions I have

    the less answers I feel …

    • Kozo says:

      I hear you, Geo Sans. I’m starting small–with my 3 and 5 year old. I’m also focusing on my marriage. I’m trying to feel empathy and compassion for my wife. I know that sounds strange, but I was such a Patriarch that I found it difficult to feel compassion or empathy at all. I’m working on a program to help “feel” the answers. Stay tuned. {{{hugs}}} Kozo

      • Geo Sans says:

        I hear you too


        I’m concentrating

        on being the best I can be

        within my own family circle



        that’s all I can do



        that’s all

        we can all do ?

  28. Sunshine says:

    thank you, Kozo. by your action you begin the thought process to happen and now the source of the problem is highlighted, it will make it easier to focus on the necessary changes. there are so many “wrongs” going on in the world so your voice that speaks of transformation of old ways of thinking to more compassionate ways can only bring goodness flowing. abundant blessings and wisdom to you, Kozo. ☼sunHUGS+LOVE♥

    • Kozo says:

      Sunshine, Thank you for laying out the strategy. I didn’t think about how this post/video would cause change, but I like your game plan. Bring the source of the problem into the Light (sunlight?). Focus on necessary changes. Transform old ways to more compassionate ways. Keep the goodness flowing. Will put into action immediately. Love you. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  29. electronicbaglady says:


  30. Sarah says:

    Much love. xo

  31. Lada Ray says:

    When you said “Hey, coach, I need a hug right now,” that really cracked me up. That’s something you’d never hear in these situations. LOL
    Thank you for this video and thank you for being, Kozo. God bless. Liked ya on Youtube.

    BTW, just wanted to share my new post that’s related to yours: Shifting to the New Earth: Being Zorba the Buddha. It includes the vids of the Free Hugs campaign from around the world.

    • Kozo says:

      Oh my God, Lada, those videos are amazing. Thank you so much for sharing. Thanks for supporting B4Peace and Counterpatriarchal Compassion. {{{Hugs]}} Kozo

    • Kozo says:

      Just read how Sasha gives money to the wife and mother of the men who murdered her father. I just went to Amazon and bought the book. I have a huge stack of reading to do, but it is on the list. {{{hugs]}} Kozo

      • Lada Ray says:

        Oh, thanks, Kozo. 🙂 Hope you like the book and please let us all know what you think. My hunch is you’ll really enjoy it.

        Cheers and hugs.

  32. prayingforoneday says:

    Kozo, BRILLIANT !!
    As a working Soccer coach in Scotland, UK, I am also guilty.
    Everything you said runs true to me. Men can show emotion.
    This blog here by Mer:
    Look at my reply there.

    You are spot on.
    I look forward to being part of your new “Thinking” and count me onside in your cause.
    I am in your team. If invited.

    I love it!!


    • Kozo says:

      Yeah, Shaun, us coaches have seen this patriarchy at work up close. I’m sure you were taught to act a certain way by the coaches you had as a youth. It is a cycle that perpetuates a masculinity devoid of compassion.
      Of course, you are invited on this team. We need all the men we can get. As you probably know, much of the compassionate blogging world is composed of women (men blog about sports, politics, cars, humor, etc.). We need to shift these scales. I thank you for being a compassionate man who is willing to fight inequality. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

      • prayingforoneday says:

        I done all my Qualifications here in Scotland, same place all the top Coaches do at Largs on the west coast. where the go wrong. is they teach you training drills, they don’t teach people to show respect.
        This video says it all

        Ray Winston the actor..

        We read from the same page….


  33. […] Men: The Problem and the Solution ( […]

  34. Kozo, it was a blast seeing you on camera!
    You have such a power of persuasion, you could seriously lead the troops of peace warriors!
    Which you are already doing successfully 🙂
    Omg i loved that – a player at a drill suddenly coming to a coach and asking for a hug!! :))

    Listened with my mouth open throughout and really felt like getting up and giving you an applaud at the end…
    Reblogging it and making it my monthly peace post 🙂
    {{{Hugs}}} !

    P.S. I need a lot of men in my community to take a look at this video 🙂

    • Kozo Hattori says:

      Thanks, Sofia. It is my first video on the blog. I am learning how to be more persuasive and personable, so I hope future videos will be more effective. I agree that men in all communities need to take a look at this problem.
      Thanks so much for the reblog, the support, and the love. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  35. […] made a videolog about patriarchy, take 5 minutes of your time and watch […]

  36. prayingforoneday says:

    Reblogged this on Looking for reasoning to a complicated world and commented:
    I watched this a while back and bookmarked it. It is from Kozo. A cool lad who knows right from wrong. He is like me, he wants to treat woman right and raise his sons to do like wise. He asked MEN to join a new club, this is a Video Blog. Kozo, I am already in your club and at your side. You speak sense in a way I think 5,000 miles away in Scotland. Count me in. You a seriously cool man who I respect for being a man. And also glad I can call you a friend.

  37. goldfish says:

    Hells no. Thanks for this, Kozo. It’s important.

  38. […] Men: The Problem and the Solution […]

  39. kdub155 says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this invaluable, change-provoking video. Too often, women are looked upon to change the ways in which they are oppressed, which is next to impossible without compassionate men as out allies. Thanks again.

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