Say Cheese for Forgiveness

I’m about ready to strangle my 5 year old son. EVERY morning he throws the same tantrum: “I don’t want to get dressed. I’m too tired to brush my teeth. I don’t want to go to school…” I’ve been practicing Flash Forgiveness, but as soon as I forgive, he throws something else in my face, usually the same crap he threw the day before.

Mark Turner / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

I feel like I’m wasting all my flashes of forgiveness on him. Kind of like those old flash cubes that we used to place on Kodak cameras. So I’ve come up with a new form of Flash Forgiveness.

Strike first and ask for forgiveness later.

Just kidding.

Flash forgiveness does not work if we can’t stay in the moment. We may flash forgive, but the next time we are offended by the same person, we feel double offended since our forgiveness seemed to have no effect. In actuality we weren’t really forgiving in the first place, we were simply flashing through the moment.

So in order for the forgiveness to take, I am adding two new rules.

  1. Erase the past

    . When we flash forgive, someone’s trespass is wiped from our memory.will smith Think of that handy tool they used in Men in Black that would wipe people’s memories away. This way each new encounter starts off with a fresh slate. This is my practice of cultivating unconditional love. Even if someone hurt me before, I will embrace them today with an open heart.

    I know what some of you are thinking—“Kozo, have you lost your mind? ‘Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice shame on me’.”Just because we view others with an open heart does not mean we open ourselves up for attack.

    If we are in the present moment, then we can fully sense the intentions and energies of others. Sometimes those that have hurt us before have changed. Sometimes those that used to be our friends are out to hurt us. We’ve all seen a movie where the main character runs from someone s/he thinks is out to harm them right into the arms of someone who s/he trusts who happens to be the real villain.

    Forget the past. Let the present be your guide.

  2. Smile

    photo(15) Kareem Johnson in his article, “Prejudice vs. Positive Thinking,” mentions a study where participants were unknowingly made to smile by being instructed to hold a pencil in their teeth and not let it touch their lips. Try it. It’s kind of like a sh#t-eating grin.

    Research has shown how posing a smile “can be enough to produce mild positive emotions and can lead to more favorable evaluations of other people.”  Even a “fake smile” affects how we view others.

    By forcing ourselves into a positive emotional state, we are more likely to forgive with an open heart rather than empty words. Ironically, fake smiles prevent feigned forgiveness.

So when we put everything together, we get a process very similar to having our photo taken–Smile>Flash>Forgive>Forget.

I tried this new method out on my son this weekend when he broke the mirror on the bathroom door where he was supposed to be in time-out. “That’s it. No Birthday Party for you” was my first response. I returned five minutes later, smiled, and said, “I forgive you, son.” He looked confused, but later that night he came up to me while I was meditating, kissed me, and said, “I love you, Daddy.”

Thank you for reading, sharing, and/or smiling.

Do you believe that forgetting the trespasses of others is dangerous? Please share.

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73 comments on “Say Cheese for Forgiveness

  1. 70x7agape says:

    Our children are much different than just other people. They do not yet know what they should or should not do or how they should carry themselves. It is our job to teach them the difference. It is hard not to be angry with them, but sometimes our father in heaven has to chastise us too. Don’t leave out discipline. Let your child know that their actions aren’t right or they will grow up to treat other people the way they are treating you. Which probably isn’t much more than disrespect. I tell my 5 yr old just bc we don’t Want to do it doesn’t mean we don’t Have to do it. So do we want to grumble and be craby or just get it done. “Let’s not fight about it” I tell them. Forgiving others (strangers) for me seems much easier than dealing with kids, husbands, siblings, and parents. Their actions cut deeper. It takes more prayer I think to get through those cuts than the guy who almost hit our car then honked at us like it was our fault. I like the idea of flash forgiveness though I’ve never heard it put that way but it is definitely how we should handle our anger and let things go.

    • Kozo says:

      I agree that forgiving strangers is much easier. I also believe that children need guidance. I like telling my son “Let’s not fight about it.” We seem to butt heads a lot, so this might work. Thank you for sharing you advice on parenting. I’m learning day by day. You hit the nail right on the head when you said “our father in heaven has to chastise us too.” I just never realized that he would use our children as whips. haha. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

      • 70x7agape says:

        That’s called paying for our raising. lol I like to remind myself that we are all created in God’s image even though we don’t all share his likeness. That thought helps me to forgive the unforgivable. Kids know just what buttons to push though and they know it. Then they turn around do/say something cute. smh /God bless

      • Kozo says:

        Love that idea of everyone created in God’s image, but not sharing his likeness. The truth is that we don’t always share the likeness, so when we forgive we become more Divine. Thank you for this new way of looking at others that cultivates forgiveness. {{{hugs]}} Kozo

  2. Lady Lovely says:

    Oh, what a beautiful post! And what a great way to learn how to forgive. Especially with kids. My best friend has 3, yes 3 little ones and I don’t know how she manages to not kill herself everyday. All boys who like to have fun and cause mischeif. Kudos to you for this awesome way to learn how to destress and forgive. A+++

    • Kozo says:

      Thanks, Lady Lovely. Just trying to stay positive and loving everyday. It is so easy to slip into anger then regret. Thank God for blogging and blogging friends like you to put a smile on my face everyday. {{{hugs]}} Kozo

  3. I like the additions to flash forgiveness. I think with children though flash forgiveness is a little different than adults. They are still learning and they still need discipline. It’s good to apply the flash forgiveness intent( pushing aside the anger and not taking it out on them or holding it against them) but still being upset and conveying what they did was wrong or misbehaving is good for them. Just need a balance i think. I use this saying all the time with ADULTS when were having a fight a” I love you, but i don’t like you right now so give me space” or variations of that ” love you but I’m unhappy with you right now”. I think it’s okay to get offended and upset especially with children but we just have to practice to stop the instant hulk mood anger then calmly address the situation.

    • Kozo says:

      Balance is key, Tasha. I plan on making my sons responsible for their actions. They will still get time outs and restrictions. I’m just trying to minimize the stress, yelling, and anger. I love your honest statements to your loved ones. You are not saying that you don’t love them; you are saying that you don’t like them right now. If said with a calm and loving voice, I think this is a great solution. {{{hugs]}} Kozo

  4. Subhan Zein says:

    Oh, you’re such a wonderful father. Everyone would cherish this post and learn from it, I am sure, when they become a father themselves. 🙂

    And your idea of forgiveness sounds very practical. I have just learned how to forgive people who have been screwing over my life and my family, so I shall try your techniques. Perhaps with an ending like what I would one day do in my post on Lionel Messi? LOL. But, yeah, I have said it that I would do that, so I will. Thank you for imparting your daily wisdom, Gozo. You certainly are an everyday’s guru! ♥

    • Kozo says:

      I’m still thinking about that Messi highlight reel, Subhan. Yes, I can imagine you living that story. Forgiveness is key to make all our dreams come true. Thanks for re-invigorating my love of soccer. {{{hugs}}} kozo

  5. grandmalin says:

    Wow, now I’m seriously thinking about walking around all day at work with a pencil in my mouth…lol
    Kid’s do love to test us, even if they don’t realize they’re doing it. It’s like they’re trying to figure out exactly how far we can be pushed and still love them. So saying I love you but I don’t love what you just did or how you act sometimes will probably get through to them eventually. And knowing that they will always be forgiven and loved no matter how badly they screw up will make it easier for them to forgive themselves as well. Hang in there dad. You’re getting good at this. 😀 xxoo

    • Kozo says:

      LOL, Grandmalin. Maybe you can just put a pencil in you mouth when you really need to bite your tongue. It could serve dual purposes of forcing you to smile and preventing you from grinding your teeth. 🙂
      I love your insight into the minds and ways of children. I will definitely use the phrase “I love you but I don’t love what you just did.” Thank you for being the parenting class that I never took. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  6. Flash forgiveness..what a great concept. I must try that with my SO, as he can be very trying at times..usually on a daily basis. I have used the “smile” attack..it confuses him!

  7. Not dangerous to forgive 🙂 If you don’t it is you that’s holding on to it and hurting yourself!

    Buddhist thought – in the case of the mirror, it is done but if you keep thinking about it it breaks over and over…not expressing it well but I’m sure you get my meaning? 🙂

    • Kozo says:

      Yes, Annie, I totally get what you are thinking. I’m sure you heard the story of the older monk who carried a woman across the water when monks were not suppose to look at, touch, or think about women. The younger monk accompanying the older monk is distraught by this action. Finally, after walking many miles he cannot hold his tongue. “Master, I can’t believe you carried that woman across the river. You know it is forbidden.”
      “Yes, but I put her down on the riverbank; you have been carrying her ever since.”

      {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

      • Such a good example that story.

        Another example a monk I used to study with told us a few times – someone kicks you, you go home and tell your wife, you ring a friend and tell them, you repeat it again and again..then he’d say the person kicked you once and moved on but you’re allowing them to keep kicking you..

        same story 🙂

  8. fgassette says:

    When we practice forgiveness we do it as God does. Psalm 103:11,12 says “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”

    This means He will not hold us accountable for our sins, but removed them far from us. We are all accountable for our actions and our children must learn boundaries and we as loving parents must teach them. But we will not hold their transgressions against them. Wonderful and honest post!

    BE ENCOURAGED! BE BLESSED!

    • Kozo says:

      I love that scripture, Francine. Thank you so much for sharing. I agree that we need to hold our children accountable, yet remove their transgressions. I see forgiveness as a way to remove transgressions, especially if we smile and forget the transgression the next time we deal with the individual/child. This is how to truly love a child.
      Thank you for your encouragement and blessing. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  9. Tracy says:

    Your post reminded me of when my son was younger Kozo 🙂 . Kids are so great at pushing to find where the boundaries lie. Without our guidance they’ve no idea what’s OK and what isn’t and sometimes they keep pushing even when they’ve been told about a boundary… just to test if its still there. Sometimes loving our kids comes in the form of tough love – chastising them if they put their lives in danger or hurt someone else – but its only tough because its designed to help them grow into responsible, well balanced adults.

    Your question about forgetting the trespasses of others is interesting. I think we have to find a way to forget bad things others do to us otherwise we’d drive ourselves insane with questions that probably can never be answered (why did they do it, why me, why so cruel, etc, etc). At the same time I think we have to learn from the trespass situation so we’re better able to identify potential future threats. Often there are recurring patterns or themes so spotting them early lets us guard against another painful experience. I suppose like children some people think its OK to keep pushing boundaries or ignore them all together – we get hurt when someone oversteps the line so maybe we need to apply tough love when dealing with some other adults too ?

    Thanks for another great post and thanks for being a good friend.

    • Kozo says:

      Tracy, thank you for your insightful comment. Tough love is something I am learning to incorporate in my parenting. I love that tough love is still love. I think if we hold love in our hearts then we have the strength and courage to reprimand our children. When I think about spoiled children, I often think that the parent fears that the child will not love them. Unconditional love does not mean giving someone everything they want. I would really like to hear someone map out the relationship of unconditional love and tough love. Future post, Tracy?

      I agree that we must learn from being taken advantage of. Being in the moment will help us see things clearly. I’m hoping that I can stay open to all individuals no matter what they have done in the past while at the same time being aware of their intentions. I guess don’t judge anyone until they pull out a knife. haha.
      I love talking to you, Tracy. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  10. Zen Doe says:

    Kozo, when I’m with my 92 year old father, he tells the same story over and over. There’s something about it that is CRAZY MAKING to me. But, what a wonderful opportunity to stay on point in THIS moment, not dragging the past one forward. You’re doing it too. 🙂 This will pass with your son.

    • Eileen says:

      Kozo, At my age we find ourselves spending a lot of time whining about very legitimate pains and problems, so several of us made up a Scripture: “Monday is the day the Lord hath made for whining.” We do allow it to be a moveable feast, if you don’t whine on Monday, however. It has had a saluatory effect on the tone of our gatherings! Maybe you could set a designated day for whining.

      Once when I asked a repeat second grader why He didn’t pay attention during reading group,he said he had heard all the stories before and was bored. I told him that I had heard my five children read the same stories and now I was hearing them several times again every year as a teacher. In fact, somedays I wanted to scream while listening to them again. But I wanted him and the others to get better at reading so they could read really interesting books all their lives. So, I listened to them over and over. If he would try hard to listen, so he would get to read better books, I would try hard not to scream. It actually worked. I don’t think it had ever occurred to him that a teacher might be bored out of her mind too! You coul even set your own whining time. The Israelites whined their way across the desert for forty years; maybe we all need a limited whining allotment. 🙂

      • Kozo says:

        LOL, Eileen. I love this comment. A designated day for whining. Maybe I will give my son a half and hour every day to just let all his whining out.
        I also love the empathy you showed that little boy in reading group. I need to be calm and collected like you were. I tend to scream first and think later. My wife does a similar thing when she tells my son “I don’t really want to go to work either, but I do it because it is good for the family. I know you don’t want to go to school, but it will be good for you.”
        I will let you know how the whining allotment works out. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

    • Kozo says:

      I would love to hear the story that you father tells you over and over, Zen Doe. Maybe one day you will look back and realize what he was trying to tell you. Maybe he just wants you to remember him in some way. Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about, but I’m really intrigued by this story. haha.
      Thank you for your wisdom. One of my favorite sayings/songs/music videos “This too shall pass.” {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  11. Kozo another great article on forgiveness. Was it here I saw that pencil thing? Because I saw it somewhere and I have been practicing it, and that stuff works! I did it this morning on the way to a particularly stressful situation, and it all went perfectly. My attitude was great. I think it was because I used a pen in my teeth. So strange you mentioned this in your blog today! Fantastic. We are on the same wavelength!
    I also saw this great thing on body language that I have been experimenting with as well and I think it works pretty well too. I love to try out stuff like that and see what happens. Don’t be too hard on the little man, nobody wants to get dressed, brush their teeth or go to school!! He’ll snap out of it soon enough! You are the man Kozo! YOU, yes YOU are the man!

    • Kozo says:

      We have been on the same wavelength for sometime now, Jon. And I am honored. I love that you did the pen in mouth on your way to a stressful event. I will have to remember that. Also, I’m hoping that you are going to share the body language thing you are experimenting with. New Post? {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  12. Your definitely being swayed to put you flashes to use! And you are meeting these challenges better than you think…in the end your son shares the love you give him always. Wonderful writing and thank you for sharing!!

    • Kozo says:

      Thank you, 1G4AW, for the encouragement. Sometimes I beat myself up about talking the talk, but not walking the walk. It is a challenge, but that makes it a learning experience as well. I appreciate having BBFs like you to share and commiserate with. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  13. oliviaobryon says:

    I use the fake smiles all the time at school. In fact, I think I scare the children sometimes when I smile at them in the middle of my frustration, hehe, but it works! 😀

    • Kozo says:

      Haha, Olivia. What a great way to get power, smile! I’m not sure what the kids are thinking, but the bottom line is you smile and they respond. I will try it with my 5 year old. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  14. […] Say Cheese for Forgiveness […]

  15. seeker says:

    If love is present all the time, forgiving is out of the equation. Forgive and remember. If I don’t remember, what lesson is there to learn?

    • Kozo says:

      I agree that love trumps forgiveness, Perpetua. With unconditional love, there is no need for forgiveness.
      The best answer I can come up with for your question is if you forgive and forget, you learn the lesson of true forgiveness which is the lesson that I really need to work on. Please let me know if I am off base here. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

      • seeker says:

        There is a saying history repeats itself. If one does not remember one is doomed to repeat it. True forgiveness in my opinion, is to be able to remember and not feel hurt but rejoice on the outcome of true forgiveness. No hurt feelings. Pax Tecum, Kozo.

  16. Dieu says:

    Yes, sometimes faking it helps! I read somewhere once in regards to confidence, that sometimes it just helps to pretend you’re hot stuff, that you’re amazing even if you don’t quite believe it. Because you have to start somewhere. It’s like we need to use the muscle (in this case the “smile” muscles to set off the right chemical reactions in our brain.

    • Kozo says:

      So true, Dieu. I tell my son that the only thing I expect him to do when he plays team sports is maintain a PBL–positive body language. I tell him to pull his shoulders back, stand straight, and lift up his chin no matter what happens. He isn’t old enough to understand how his actions can make his team win or lose yet, but I’m hoping that when he does he will remember PBL. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  17. theINFP says:

    Awesome story… Plan….Do…..Review…..Improve 😉

    • Kozo says:

      Yeah, Robert. I felt like a bit of a hypocrite since I posted the Flash Forgiveness post a few days before this incident, but I like your guideline to review and improve. Great guide for life. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  18. vision5d2012 says:

    I love this: Smile, Flash, Forgive, Forget. A simple working formula — if I follow it. Wow, so glad to be beyond the young children stage of life. But of what magnificent teachers they are. Blessing to you and your sons and your pencils and your flash bulbs, Alia

  19. Eileen says:

    Kozo, don’t think I don’t yell first sometime. I’ve been staying with four granddaughters 15 down to 4 for most of the last three weeks, due to a crises in my daughter-in-law’s family. When the 4 year old got tired or I had to make her do something, she would start whining, “I want my mommy, I want my mommy.” I understood this and tried to be patient and consoling the first few times. Finally, I whined back. ” I want your mommy. I want your mommy.” She did stop, to look at me like I had lost it! Believe me, I was close. She later told her mom, “When Nanu has to climb the stairs, her knees get cranky.” My knees weren’t all that got cranky!

    • Kozo says:

      LOL, Eileen. I’m going to use that technique. “I don’t want to get dressed”–my response, “I don’t want to keep telling you to get dressed.” Want some cheese with that whine? I would love to hear more about your adventures in babysitting. {{{hugs}}} Kozo

  20. Sunshine says:

    where to start as you have much to think on here…tantrums in children…how to deal with repeat offenses…first, i agree with some of your readers that children need to learn how to stay in control and learn that the world does not revolve around them. i see some daycare children raising up their parents. seriously. the parent, although the adult, is totally controlled by the commands of the their child(ren). the movie Parental Guidance in some ways touched on this issue. this is a good article with much to think about…sorry to hear about your broken mirror…hope you gave him consequences for the action. like clean up. i do that with the kids who throw tantrums. the consequence is they become the clean up crew and my slave. ha ha. i just thought of something. what if someone hits your car in road rage style but refuses to pay for damages? i think i see how much work i need in flash forgiveness…especially since you updated with few more actions. 🙂 thanks, Kozo…you the best! ♥

    • Kozo says:

      Love the advice, Sunshine. I wish I could have made my younger son part of the clean up crew when he pooed all over the bedroom. 😦 I agree that there needs to be consequences. My son knows that I have a limit. He pushes and pushes, but when he broke the mirror, he was quiet as a church mouse.
      If someone hit my car in road rage and refused to pay the damages, I would smile, forgive, and forget. haha. Just kidding. I would get the license number to find their address and put my old ninja outfit on. 🙂
      As you can see, we both have much work to do in flash forgiveness. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  21. It depends on the transgression really, if it is a small thing no but what about what Hilter did to the Jewish people? Things such as this should always be remembered because they a reminder of the darkness of humanity. They teach us just as much as reminders of light such as Martin Luther King or Mother Teresa/Ghandi. A brilliant post with great intentions but I feel not always a easy pill to swallow. I try to forgive and forget as a loving person but have an awareness of how this is not always a simple thing to do.

    • Kozo says:

      Good point, Athena. I don’t think we should erase history or anything, but for those involved, maybe it would be good to forget. Viktor Frankl who survived the holocaust said it best, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” I agree that this is not an easy task, especially when it concerns genocide. But maybe the reason it is not easy is because it is the lesson that we are here to learn. Just a thought. Thank you for your insight. {{{Hugs}}} kozo

  22. diannegray says:

    It’s so different with children, Kozo. If someone hurts me I forgive them, but I also avoid them because these kind of people can be ‘energy thieves’. I don’t need them in my life.

    But my children? Well, they are always forgiven and the love that shines through lasts forever 😀

    • Kozo says:

      I agree, Dianne. Just because we forgive does not mean we have to keep trespassers close at hand, unless they are our children. Such a comforting thought to contemplate “the love that shines through” that “lasts forever.” {{{hugs}}} Kozo

  23. Rohan 7 Things says:

    Great post Kozo 🙂

    I agree with Dianne above me. With loved ones that we are living with I think it’s important to forgive, forget and move on on a daily basis, almost in real time. But with dangerous or cruel people it’s a good idea to remember their trespasses and use that memory to push you to find safety. Forgiveness can come later in cases of abuse or violence.

    I like the thing about smiling though, I know that the physical act of smiling can actually improve your mood, it can be hard sometimes but it’s worth it 🙂

    Hugs!! Keep well Kozo 🙂

    Rohan.

    • Kozo says:

      Yeah, Rohan, in no way am I advocating withstanding violence or abuse. I think that if we are in the moment, then we will be able to accurately sense others intentions. If they mean to harm us, get away quickly. I just want to prevent prejudging someone from past experience. The worst case would be prejudging a race, gender, sexuality, or class because someone else from that group trespassed against you. {{{Hugs]}} Kozo

      • Rohan 7 Things says:

        Oh yes, and I didn’t mean to imply that you were 🙂 I know exactly what you’re saying. In times when someone makes a mistake we should be the first to forgive and forget, give people the chance to try again and to always renew our faith in people.

        Safety is always the priority, but once that is secured I definitely thinking forgiveness and forgetting are powerful tool for peace and healing 🙂

        Hugs!

        Rohan.

  24. KM Huber says:

    Yet another refreshing post that takes each one of us into ourselves, into our hearts for it is the open heart that makes forgiveness possible. I love the idea of flash forgiveness, and it is a practice worth pursuing for in forgiving we let go so there is nothing to revisit as we greet the next moment fresh, free, full of infinite possibilities.

    You are such a loving and kind father, always maitri is your motto, and your sons will have stories for their sons. What greater love is there, my dear friend.

    Karen

    • Kozo says:

      Thank you, Karen, for getting the forgetting part–” for in forgiving we let go so there is nothing to revisit as we greet the next moment fresh, free, full of infinite possibilities.” I wish I could have expressed it this clearly. I love the inclusion of “free” in there. Forgiveness does free us to infinite possibilities.
      Thank you for helping me understand my own post. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  25. 1EarthUnited says:

    ♥All Smiles♥ Kozo you never fail to crack me up! And your kids are the best jokesters, pushing your buttons to the absolute limit – just to see if you had indeed learned true forgiveness. 😀
    I can see how it feels like wasting all your flashes of forgiveness on the little tyke. Have you considered forgiveness for them and yourself, PLUS John Lennon’s “Instant Karma’s gonna get ya”, there’s consequences for every action! There’s cleanup, chores, punishment, discipline, all of that administered mindfully with loving- kindness and cooperation. “We’re in it together” and all that. Of course I’m just talking out my arse since I don’t have any kids, never got my hands dirty dealing with the aftermath… so I’m simply in awe of you “down in the trenches” battle weary parents, you’re the everyday heroes in my book. Keep up the great work, that a future Buddha you’re raising. ♥

    • Kozo says:

      The difference is that Siddhartha Gautama had servants to clean up after him when he was a child, Maddy. I’m in charge of cleaning up after my little buddhas. haha. I guess it will all be worth it someday. Just kidding. It is already worth it. I wouldn’t change a thing.
      I love the instant karma idea–coop cleaning and chores with loving-kindness. I used to play “Beautiful Boy” to my older son. John Lennon has done so much for love and peace even after his death.
      {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  26. When i put myself in your three-year-old’s place and I hear you say: “I forgive you, my son” I, as the three-year-old, say “What for Daddy?” That was hours ago. Kids at that age actually DO have a clean slate pretty quickly. They are like thunderstorms… rain and noise and wind… and then…nothing. I didn’t take part in the forgiveness challenge because when you ask me: “What about forgiveness?” – I say: “Forgive whom?” There really is NOBODY THERE – YOU ALONE ARE!” That’s all that has to sink in to humanity’s thick skull. We got this thick skull due to eons of twisted consciousness, taking the false for the real. All we need to do now (understatement of the millennium) is be clear about what is real and what is illusion. Unicity in multiplicity is real, separation as individuals is illusion. If we don’t try to put that into practice with our three-year-old’s and the erratic driver in front of us on the road we are completely missing the point. Since I know that you, Dear Kozo, are NOT completely missing the point, I allow myself the luxury here of speaking my mind without filters. All love to you, My Brother, in your process with your fantastic little Buddha! ♥ tomas

    • 1EarthUnited says:

      Very well expressed Tomas! This is a post unto itself, for the sake of brevity…
      Yes, if you seek to realize your original mind, singular consciousness, unicity… then forgiveness will never be an issue because there’s just divine/ source/ creator/ I AMNESS. The very act of forgiveness can only be expressed through the relativity of illusion/ existence. But since we, as “unique” expressions of the divine, wish to participate in this grand play called Leela (Lila), we might as well go through the motions and remember forgiveness to “re-member” our true self.
      Such as it is, ah the divinity of being human. 😀 ♥♥♥ Love U guys! ♥♥♥

      • “Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
        That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
        And then is heard, no more”
        ~ Shakespeare

      • Kozo says:

        Love you too, Maddy. And I love these conversations. Yes, going through the motions. That is the point, yes. Our whole life is going through the motions/changes/transitions. We are here for the present movement/moment. I love that I am here re-membering with you guys. Life is so intelligent. {{{hugs}}} Kozo

    • Kozo says:

      I completely agree, Tomas. We are all one, but I would say that when we forgive, we forgive ourselves. It seems to me that this illusion serves a purpose. We come as “unique expressions of the divine” (Thank you, Maddy) to experience and learn. The re-membering is the point. Rather than just being divine, we re-experience divinity in our illusion. I like to think that I am here to make mistakes, because I am here to learn and/to forgive.
      You said it perfectly in your last sentence–it is a process. We are all works in progress. I keep having to remind myself that we are all one. That is part of my process. Thanks for shining the light and reminding me what I keep forgetting. {{{hugs}}} Kozo

  27. “Rather than just being divine, we re-experience divinity in our illusion.” Yes!
    How do you like this one:
    “Your Prime Creator’s goal in creating this universe and all other universes was to develop itself to such an extent and have so many multidimensional channels of data open that it — whose consciousness is in all things you know — could become aware of itself in all things, aware of every event that all things are involved in, and compute this and not go insane.” (Bringers of the Dawn p. 79) One of my latest favorites! 🙂

  28. That’s a good question, Kozo! I think it can be risky to forgive, but I do believe we must forgive for our own sake. And in that moment, it is our hearts that are being tested, not theirs. Thank you for always being so raw. Much Love to you! xoxox

  29. I love this post! Excellent tips Kozo. Thanks so much for sharing your process with us, and how even a ‘fake’ smile has merit. Like the old adage of ‘Fake it ’til you make it’ just pretending we’re doing GREAT can help us start feeling better. And I like the forget the past thing too. So true. Wiping the slate clean. Thanks again for this wonderful post. Happy Hugs, Gina

    • Kozo says:

      I have been thinking about that saying, as well, Gina. Fake it til you make it. The truth is everything is an illusion and we have already made it, so faking it in a fake world is actually making it. haha. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  30. […] Say Cheese for Forgiveness (everydaygurus.com) […]

  31. […] Say Cheese for Forgiveness (everydaygurus.com) […]

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