Friends and Enemies: The Malleable Keys to Peace

Photo credit: Dunechaser / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

My five year old son has tons of friends. Part of the reason why he is so blessed is because he calls anyone he likes, plays with, talks to, or looks at his friend.

“My friend is digging a hole to bury Darth Vader in,” Jett mentions as we leave the park.

“Which friend is that? What is his name?”

“I don’t know his name. He is just my friend.” Looking at me like I don’t know what friend means.

The look might be justified. Maybe as we grow older we forget what a friend is. I can’t tell you how many people have questioned me about my friendships. I am/used to be friends with some pretty famous people. Other “friends” would always say things like, “you’re not really friends with so-and-so. Just because you met someone does not mean that they are your friend.” I would counter, “Well, I’m invited to their wedding next month. What does that make me paparazzi?”

Nowadays, if I even mention the word friend in regards to someone from the blogosphere, people just walk away as if I’m talking about an imaginary Stormtrooper. When we make so many restrictions on who are friends can be, is it any surprise that we have trouble finding peace?

In an effort to expand the definition of friends, I’ve set up the following comparison.

	Real Life Friends	Blogging Best Friends (BBFs)
Length	I’ve known these friends for about a year and a half now. They are the parents of my son’s best friends pictured above.	I started blogging in October 2012,so I’ve known most of my BBFs for less than 5 months
Frequency	I see these friends every week usually at my son’s school, basketball practice, or kung fu.	I have never met my BBFs in person, but we “talk” almost everyday.
Depth	We really don’t talk about anything deeper than the next birthday party. Sometimes I will talk to the fathers about sports. For example, when we talk about films, we discuss good films to take our kids to.	My BBFs and I discuss everything in depth. I know their spirituality, hopes, fears, insecurities, and loves. When we talk about films, we discuss films that have changed our lives.
Intimacy	I usually shake hands with these friends. I tried hugging the mothers, but was met with some awkwardness. I think I might have told one couple that I like spending time with them.	I {{{Hug}}} my BBFs everyday in comments, tweets, and posts. I’ve told many of my BBFs that I love them.
Trust	I trust these friends to look out for my children. I haven’t revealed much sensitive information to them, so I’m not sure how much I can trust them as a confidante.	I have revealed parts of my dark side to my BBFs, yet they still seem to “like” me, so I trust them as confidantes. Many of my BBFs have taught me how to be a better father, so I would trust them with my children.
Service	We help each other out by watching each others kids when one parent is late. We sometimes serve together as volunteers at school or church.	My BBFs have guest blogged for me, provided me with free graphic design services, re-blogged my posts, constructed advertising campaigns for a cause I started, and gifted me with custom artwork. We are working together to make the world a better, more peaceful place.

I’m not saying that one type of friend is better than another, but why restrict friendships to the first column?

I recently learned a term called Positive Sentiment Override. The best example I can give is when my two year old son poo-pooed in the bathtub. I ran in the bathroom screaming, “Fox! What the hell are you doing?” I was livid seeing the floaters and flotsam that was contaminating the tub, toys, and toddler. My son, standing in the miry pit, turned away from me and said, “Daddy, wipe my butt-butt.” Suddenly, I was filled with love, tenderness, and appreciation for this little Buddha. Positive sentiment trumped material reality. No matter how negative the circumstances, we can override them with positive sentiment.

Why can’t we have Positive Friendship Override?  When I am knee-deep in crap in the material world, I turn to my BBFs for a wave of positive energy. Bloggers for Peace has been an amazing Positive Friendship Override for me. My  BBFs remind me of the Avengers. The Avengers were the least likely of friends. I mean, who can be friends with the Hulk, right?  Agent Colson’s death solidified a friendship that saved the world. Couldn’t our friendships with the least likely of friends save our world?  God knows we’ve had enough senseless deaths to bond us together.

I’m broadening my definition of friends. I now consider Bob Marley, Martin Luther King, Thich Nhat Hahn, the Dalai Lama, and Jesus my friends. I may not have had the chance to meet them, but they have gifted me with so much love and wisdom. Maybe if we start considering more people our friends, we will stop making enemies.

My five year old son doesn’t have an enemy in the world. When someone is mean to him, he stops playing with them. A few weeks later, he will say hi to someone on the playground. “I thought that kid was mean to you?” I ask.

“He was, but we’re friends again,” my son replies looking at me like I don’t know how friends act.

Thank you for reading, sharing, and/or smiling.

How do you define your friends? In what ways does this definition serve and/or limit you? Please share.

Related articles

• Friendship Redefined? (everydaygyaan.com)
• it’s all about friendship… (wisforwriting.wordpress.com)
• A Letter to My BBFs (everydaygurus.com)
• The Challenge to Change (carbonatedgrace.wordpress.com)